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Steven Hess Poem
Forever Changed
Lying here, thoughts remain,
That cold winter day you flew away,
Your pain I never understood,
My pain you never will,
I am forever changed.
Lying here, memories remain,
That cold winter day my wings you took away,
Your love I never knew,
My love you never will,
I am forever changed.
Lying here, wanting to fly,
Soaring to new heights, you by my side,
Your life I never knew,
My life you never will,
I am forever changed.
Changed forever, forever changed,
A shot in the dark, still piercing my heart,
A lifeless man, a grieving son,
A journey yet to begun,
I am forever changed.
Lying here, I slowly arise,
Wanting to fly, yet wishing to die,
You took me with you,
I take you with me,
I am forever changed.
Standing now, I stare ahead,
Images of you, I remember well,
You chose to escape, escape your pain,
I choose to go on, fulfilling your aims,
I am forever changed.
Crying now, I raise my head,
The skylines ahead, I must travel still,
Guide me in spirit, be by my side,
Facing together our darkest ills,
I am forever changed.
Changed forever, forever changed,
A shot in the dark, still breaking my heart,
Life without you, so hard to take,
I must fly on, accepting my fate.
I am forever changed. I am forever broken.
P.S. Guilt is a disease. It eats away at my being. A year has passed and although everyone tells me it wasn’t my fault, it doesn’t feel that way. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him, wishing he were here to teach me to fly. It’s hard to fly on when guilt is in control.
Copyright © Steven Hess | Year Posted 2013
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Steven Hess Poem
Forever Changed: The Epilogue
Face to face, we meet again, if only in dream,
A vision of you, a vision of me, reflecting in the clear glistening stream,
We need to talk, to free my soul,
It is time-
I want to
I have to
I need to be whole.
On that day thirty-three years ago,
It was you, oh you, who chose to go,
The guilt all consuming, my soul rotting away,
It wasn’t my fault, oh no, it was you who lost your way.
Your pain, I finally know, led to your death,
It smothered you, your very last breath,
Your selfish act, your only way out,
Help, I need help, why didn’t you call out?
So many questions still do remain,
Seeing you now I choose to refrain,
Let it go, let it be, I am finally free,
You no longer have control over me.
I forgive you dad for what you did,
I am older now, no longer just a kid,
My guilt is gone, although pain remains,
Over time, though, it will slowly wane.
I now have kids of my own who depend on me,
To teach them to fly, to teach them to see,
That life is a journey of ups and downs,
Not stopping when beaten to the ground.
Would it be fair, would it be right,
To be like you and lose my sight?
I can’t do to them what you did to me,
For life is not only about me, you see.
Goodbye dad, I lay you to rest,
Don’t worry about me, I’ve passed the test,
Sleep in peace, think often of me,
I am whole now, I am finally FREE!
Copyright © Steven Hess | Year Posted 2013
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Steven Hess Poem
With You
With you I’m empty inside,
My dreams, my hopes, go out with the
tide,
I cannot change, not for you,
That wouldn’t be me, that wouldn’t be
true.
With you I can’t live my life,
Bitterness increases my endless strife,
I can’t be what you want me to be,
For in the mirror, it’s me, I see.
With you I wake up to cloudy days,
Nowhere to turn, I spin in a haze,
I can’t go on living this lie,
Trying to please, while wanting to fly.
With you I can do no right,
It seems all we do is fight, day and night,
What’s the point in living this way,
If “I’m a failure” is all you can say?
With you I cannot speak,
Without the fear of a damning critique,
Voiceless, I just keep things inside,
They’ll probably stay there til the day I die.
With you I can never be heard,
My stories, you’ll never be stirred,
I listen to myself, to the echoes I make,
They stay with me until I awake.
With you I will never be me,
A fact you clearly can’t see,
It’s time to end this meaningless fight,
It’s time for me to take to flight.
So goodbye I say, I wish you well,
What the future holds, I cannot tell,
Without you I can finally be me,
A fact I now can clearly see.
Copyright © Steven Hess | Year Posted 2013
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