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Julia Chebukina Poem
"Hush now, mo stóirín
Close your eyes and sleep
Waltzing the waves
Diving in the deep
Stars are shining bright
The wind is on the rise
Whispering words
of long lost lullabies
Oh won't you come with me
Where the moon is made of gold
And in the morning sun
We'll be sailing
Oh won't you come with me
Where the ocean meets the sky
And as the clouds roll by
We'll sing the song of the sea
I had a dream last night
And heard the sweetest sound
I saw a great white light
And dancers in the round
Castles in the sand
Cradles in the trees
Don't cry, I'll see you by and by
Oh won't you come with me
Where the moon is made of gold
And in the morning sun
We'll be sailing
Oh won't you come with me
Where the ocean meets the sky
And as the clouds roll by
We'll sing the song of the sea
Rolling
Rolling
Rolling
Rolling
Oh won't you come with me
Where the moon is made of gold
And in the morning sun
We'll be sailing free
Oh won't you come with me
Where the ocean meets the sky
And as the clouds roll by
We'll sing the song of the sea"
LAST EDIT BY
Sam Muldia
Copyright © Julia Chebukina | Year Posted 2016
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Julia Chebukina Poem
Can you blame her?
Can you blame her for falling in love?
For believing every single word?
For believing in safety?
Manipulated, you see?
Her decisions were not her own.
Forced into the things she disagreed with.
Beaten when she did not please.
Can you blame her?
Can you blame her for seeing the good in the bad?
For believing there is a good in the bad?
For believing in love?
Who wouldn't want love?
She wanted to be loved.
Cared for at the least.
Following her heart, she fought her hurt.
Her laugh was loudest in the crowd.
Her cries were the strongest in the pillow she screamed in.
Just till she gave up on herself.
Right before she took what her mother didnt want her to take,
he found her.
His sweet smile soothed her heart.
His gentle eyes, giving her a new laugh.
His voice, calming the storm that rumbled inside.
The craving for his touch, making her believe again.
Can you blame her?
Can you blame her for such an existence?
For seeing only the good in him?
For seeing what she always wanted?
His compliments filled her heart.
His words showing more affection than she has ever seen with her own eyes.
She cried.
But can you blame her?
Can you blame her for the distance?
For the miles that stretched between them?
For the time it would take to get to him?
She believed him.
She loved him.
Her heart felt free again.
As if she can fly with no worries about the rain.
But can you blame her?
Her smile was brighter than the sun.
Her love poured out like the river into the sea.
Can you blame her?
The talk became a minimum.
Not even an our a day anymore.
She worried but still believed.
Can you blame her?
For falling in love?
For being played?
He... broke her heart.
Moved on so quickly.
betrayed, she broke.
Can you blame her?
For trying her hardest?
For doing what he wanted just so he can be pleased?
She cried.
Her tears silent in the dead of night.
Her heart shattering and stomach filled with a dim fire that was soon to run out.
Can you blame her?
He was the sun to her roots.
He was the pencil to her paper.
The peace to her chaos.
The light to her darkness.
....
He was the smile that came to her heart.
But even that was taken from her.
Can you blame her?
For the hurt she felt?
For the lies she fed on desperately?
He was all she wanted.
She hated him for that.
Hated him for becoming everything she wanted and then stealing it away from her.
Just with a snap of his fingering...
Can you blame her???
Cause i can...
I sure as hell can...
Copyright © Julia Chebukina | Year Posted 2017
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Julia Chebukina Poem
Grow up and be who you want
be the person thats not so distraught.
You fear to become who you are not
and yet, you see the person, you can not be caught.
Can you tell him how you feel?
The pain that you see?
Things started to fall apart.
Everything, at bay, but can you calm your sea?
Your life was a beginning,
this far you have come.
You claim that I am like a sloth,
for you have not seen the danger that I have become.
I unravel the pain with my fears,
and show the peace with my tears.
But you have become blind in the thick mist on the ocean
that you have not bothered to see my devotion.
You're broken down like a weak tree in a blizzard,
but don't think that I'll help you through the things i have not considered.
You beat me and you try to smite me from where i stand,
only because your selfishness has weakened you by the tip of your hand.
The cigarette is finally getting the best of you,
is it harsh of me to say i want it too?
The tip of your hand is where it lies,
your excuse,
your cover,
your lie.
But you see, i still have time.
To run away from you, i will do till i die.
So don't think ill be your slave for eternity,
because we all know well enough that you wont survive immortality.
Copyright © Julia Chebukina | Year Posted 2017
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Julia Chebukina Poem
Daddy's been gone.
Gone for so long.
For him I pray.
He joined the core,
Fighting a war,
Somewhere far away.
He promised me he's return.
When the Hanukkah candles burn.
So, here i wait.
The blessings I recite.
By the candle light.
But its getting late.
Daddy come home, stay with me!
Let me hold your hand, let me sit upon your knee!
I see fear, in mommy's eyes.
Every time she cries, she tries to comfort me.
Its scary here at home.
My mind begins to roam.
"Have i lost you?"
I hear the phone,
And mommy's mournful moan.
"It cant be true"
Daddy come home, stay with me!
Let me hold your hand, Let me sit upon your knee!
I see fear in mommy's eyes.
Everytime she cries, she tries to comfort.
"Where has he gone? How will i carry on?
Tell me what can i say? I need to pray..."
"Lord, please hear my plead, send my daddy home to...--"
Whose that i hear? Call my name!
I run into his arms!
YES, MY DADDY CAME!
Home to me! HE'S ON HIS KNEES!
NOW HE"S HOLDING ME! FOR ALL ETERNITY!
Home at last! Eyes a glow!
I thought my daddy died. But now i'm not letting go!
Copyright © Julia Chebukina | Year Posted 2015
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Julia Chebukina Poem
Little child, be not afraid
The rain pounds harsh against the glass
Like an unwanted stranger
There is no danger
I am here tonight
Little child
Be not afraid
Though thunder explodes
And lightning flash
Illuminates your tearstained face
I am here tonight
And someday you'll know
That nature is so
This same rain that draws you near me
Falls on rivers and land
And forests and sand
Makes the beautiful world that you see
In the morning
Little child
Be not afraid
The storm clouds mask your beloved moon
And its candlelight beams
Still keep pleasant dreams
I am here tonight
Little child
Be not afraid
The wind makes creatures of our trees
And the branches to hands
They're not real, understand
And I am here tonight
And someday you'll know
That nature is so
This same rain that draws you near me
Falls on rivers and land
And forest and sand
Makes the beautiful world that you see
In the morning
For you know, once even I
Was a little child
And I was afraid
But a gentle someone always came
To dry all my tears
Trade sweet sleep the fears
And to give a kiss goodnight
Well, now I am grown
And these years have shown
Rain's a part of how life goes
But it's dark and it's late
So I'll hold you and wait
'til your frightened eyes do close
And I hope that you'll know
That nature is so
This same rain that draws you near me
Falls on rivers and land
And forests and sand
Makes the beautiful world that you see
In the morning
Everything's fine in the morning
The rain will be gone in the morning
But I'll still be here in the morning
Copyright © Julia Chebukina | Year Posted 2016
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Julia Chebukina Poem
Just like a caterpillar, i will hide away from the world and grow on my own.
Just like a butterfly, i will come out of hiding and fly as a stronger being.
Just like a peasant, i will serve to the best of my ability.
Just like a Queen, i will rule and lead a stronger people.
Just like a plant growing in the gravel road, i will face many difficulties.
Just like a rock, i will stay strong through them all.
Just like a thief, i will steal your heart.
Just like a prison cell, i will lock all your secret away.
Just like a pastor, i will not lie to you.
Just like a lawyer, i will lie for you.
Just like a boxer, i will fight for you and your beliefs.
Just like a coach, i will help you to success.
Just like a lover, i will care for you.
Just like a healer, i will be there for you.
BUT!..
Just like a human, i will ruin your life.
Just like a boot, i will take your life.
Just like a monster, i will chase you.
Just like a ghost, i will haunt you.
Just like a pirate, i will find you.
Just like a bullet, i will wound you.
Just like a thunderstorm, i will ruin you.
Just like a tornado, i will destroy you.
Just like a blizzard, i will make you lose your way.
Just like a volcano, i will make you explode.
Just like a traitor, i will give you away.
Just like a slave, i will tell all your secrets.
Just like a wrecking ball, i will brake your heart.
Just like a spell, i will curse you.
Don't underestimate me.
Copyright © Julia Chebukina | Year Posted 2017
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Julia Chebukina Poem
Can you guess?
Can you look into my eyes and guess what im thinking?
If you do, please tell me.
Because i dont even know.
I have been laying on my bed for two days straight and my mind has been a cloud.
I cant focus on anything.
Can you grasp a thought?
Can you grab something to think about when the whole world is tearing you apart?
I cant.
Sitting next to me is my phone and im on the phone with this guy.
He asks me all the time on this exact subject.
"What are you thinking about?" he would ask.
As a lost girl in her thoughts, i kept telling him, "I dont know."
I would lay there and think about it.
Its like a cloud. A cloud that i cant get rid of.
A strong piece of weight that wont go away.
I sit here... writing this, trying to grasp somekind of thought to get my mind running.
Why do i feel empty?
why do i have to feel like this?
I know i have been through a lot but i want to be happy.
I CAN be.
But its like im not letting myself.
I cant forget the past and i dwell on it the most.
if it wasnt for the past, the things i have been through, i wouldnt be here today.
Your past makes you who you are and i am a strong believer in that.
I caught my thought.
My thought about how i feel about this whole thing.
All of this is overwhelming really.
But he makes me forget for a little while.
Now hes laying there, all the way in Oklahoma and hes being so goofy. He makes things so great. He makes problems seem like they dont even exist and yet, when im alone, this cloud fills my mind.
My military man.
Hes so far away and he makes me so happy.
My best friend.
The man that extinguishes all pain with just one bright smile.
But when i look at him closely, hes in so much pain.
There it goes again. Another thought.
Thinking about him. Thinking about his hurt.
Hes sad deep down. He hurts but he hardly notices it. He keeps himself smiling and he looks forward to the future. Making the past look like its dust.
I wish i can think like that.
But that means burying everything that made me strong. That means i have to move on from what made me like this. And honestly, im afraid.
Another thought.
Im afraid of letting go of this cloud of thoughts that weigh me down because even though i am lost, i still feel like this is whats keeping me alive. This is whats gonna get me to move on and experience things i always wanted too.
But if it wasnt for him, i would never have thought like that.
I love my military man.
You're a dick tyler.
Copyright © Julia Chebukina | Year Posted 2016
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Julia Chebukina Poem
It was warm.
Welcoming me like it was familiar with my body type.
Calming the storm,
bringing me to my senses and knocking me back to reality.
I sunk my head back and gulped.
It filled my ears and slipped into every little naked spot.
The music that played was muffled to my hearing,
i sighed and my thoughts disappeared.
Focused.
I was focused on the music and didn't want anything else.
But i just couldn't get it out of my head.
It was bringing me down for a week or so and it always ends up in my head.
Classical.
The soft and smooth rhythm got me to relax and the vibration
sent little ripples to the water.
Everything seemed perfect when i focused.
Sadness knocking me out of my focus and into a dangerous thought.
What if i was able to drown myself?
Sinking more in, the water touched my lips as the music played as if something was getting more serious behind the meaning.
I listened carefully as the water tipped my nose.
A second thought hit my mind and my eyes teared up.
They wont miss me.
Will they?
Or.... no...
Releasing the air from my lungs, i sunk in and i listened to the melody soften.
I began to struggle.
My mind began to scream.
Air was what i was begging for,
but i stayed under- not moving an inch.
His smile reflected in my memory,
His words when i was having my anxiety attack.
His sweet voice when he told me he loved me.
I slipped away from struggle and a great amount of water began to fill my lungs.
I was drowning and all i can think of was his sweet smile and his soft voice in my ears.
He was my helper, even in this.
My grip became loose on the bathtub and my only thought was him.
I was drowning,
and it was only him.
Just him.
Damn why him?
My eyes were opened,
I tossed off the blanket and slapped my cheeks.
I was drowning.
Drowning with the thought of him.
Stepping into the shower, the water it my face and...
i cried.
Copyright © Julia Chebukina | Year Posted 2017
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Julia Chebukina Poem
He laughed.
His legs rotating the bike pedals.
13 years old.
No side walks.
Just trails.
Where he was, in fact.
He rode quickly.
Having the time of his life.
Down the road came a woman that either fell asleep
at the wheel or was on drugs.
Troopers weren't sure.
But the boy was having fun.
So much fun, in fact, that he might have forgotten to check the road before getting off the trail.
A few seconds, later.... BAM!!
Police sirens.
Ambulance arrives.
Takes the boy to the hospital immediately.
Not sure what happened to the 18 year oldgirl that was driving,
But the boy had a shattered ankle, a cracked skull and possible brain damage.
Oh, how we cried for our dear best friend. Only 13 and gets hit and with serious injuries.
I wept for 2 days.
Depressed.
I came to God, praying, asking, begging to help that little boy. My best friend.
He is such a big bundle of happiness.
Every where he went he always made people smile with his bright heart and bright smile. The joy around him in contagious. You can't deny it.
He is everything.
He means a lot to my sisters, and mother and i.
He was like our brother.
He IS our brother.
And i will always love him.
(This happened only four days ago. He is still in the hospital. And i am still praying. Whoever reads this.... PLease.. PLEASE... please pray for my dear friend Alex. He needs the prayers. He is a sweet little boy. And he loves God. Please pray for him.)
Copyright © Julia Chebukina | Year Posted 2015
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Julia Chebukina Poem
You know you matter to me.
You may think you don't because of how i act.
But if you saw my heart, im sure you would think differently.
You all.
Everyone of you.
We've been through so much.
The fights.
The arguments.
The sorrow.
The happiness.
The hate.
The love.
The forgiveness.
The maturity and immaturity.
I know we are separated now because we can't forgive each other..
But why...
You guys are the only people in my life..
And you chose to walk away from each other just because you didnt like something.
We are family for crying out loud.
FAMILY!!!!
The only time we come together is... i.... i dont even know anymore...
We barely come together... even on holidays...
You guys used to be so tight.
You guys would share laughs.
And share adventures.
You guys would go places together and when i sat back and watched, i saved those memories.
Because now all i can do is cry.
I look at us now and we mean nothing to each other.
When will you all realize we matter to each other?
When will you all see that with out each other we will fall and we will never get up because we... US!! Its all that we can believe in. We are all that we can believe in now.
You guys used to be my happiness.
You guys used to be my smile.
My love and my kindness.
My humbleness and peace.
You guys are what kept me going...
And now... i sit in my room, and these memories flood my mind.
Sweet... amazing memories...
And i can't help but cry.
Cry, because i realize we have fallen so far from each other.
You guys dont care anymore.
Why dont you care..
What is so bad that you all stepped away?
Please... please im begging you...
You all are my family...
Please come back to me.. I want to see you guys..I want to be with you all again..
please.. i need you guys...
Please.... I can't do this by myself anymore....
Copyright © Julia Chebukina | Year Posted 2016
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