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Cynthia Willard Poem
Why must I always strive to make you happy?
When you always make fun of me?
Always put me down?
Why must I put my life on hold
to do something you want for me?
When you always tell me I'm stupid?
And always call me names?
Why do I love you,
And put up with you *****24/7?
Is it because your family?
Or because I have to?
I'm tired of this so-called life.
Having no say in what I do.
Where I go,
Or even who my friends are.
I'm to the point to where I'm ready to leave.
Leave you. Leave the world.
So tired of you and your crap,
I'm ready to fall asleep,
and never wake up.
You expect me to be someone I'm not.
Your disappointed that I'm me,
And that I'm not changing for you.
I shouldn't have to change for you.
Your my mother, and my father.
And you should accept me as I am.
I've tried to change.
I quit drinking.
I even quit smoking pot.
For you.
I've done everything I can do to try to get you to like me.
But nothing I do is good enough for you.
Why do I bother?
I could of been gone a long time ago.
Could of put me, and you, out of misery.
Could of made your life, and mine, more peaceful, and happier.
But because I don't want to hurt the ones in my life who actually care,
I put up with you.
Yeah, I smoke again. And drink again too.
But its the only way I can face you.
Face you everyday, and keep my sanity.
I'm not doing it for me.
And I'm sure not doing it for you.
Im doing it for my friends and family that care.
And you, are neither.
You one was,
But no longer do I care about
What you do, or say, or even feel.
Your dead to me.
Maybe when you lose me for good,
You'll realize how good of daughter i could of been,
That I wanted to be.
But couldn't be because when I tried,
I disappointed you.
Everything I did, and do,
Is a disappointment to you.
Everything I say or think,
You frown upon.
I'm sorry I'm not perfect.
But if you can't accept me as I am,
You don't deserve me.
Copyright © Cynthia Willard | Year Posted 2012
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Details |
Cynthia Willard Poem
I'm standing on the edge.
Looking down.
Prepared to plunge into Darkness.
And never come out.
I hear you calling my name.
Yelling for me to come back.
But the darkness feels "homey"
I feel, like I belong here.
There's Maw Maw and Paw Paw.
They welcome me in their arms.
Share their hugs and kisses.
Tell me how much they love me.
And how they miss me dearly.
Then they say I'm not ready.
Its not my time, but soon.
They push me away. Tell me to go back.
The Darkness is fading and I see the light.
I don't want to leave.
But the light is coming quicker now.
I try to run, but it's here.
I start fighting it, try to stay in the darkness.
I'm back in the light.
And...I see you.
Standing there.
You see me fighting, so you grab my hand.
I dont want you touching me.
I try to yell at you.
Try to tell you how its your fault.
Your fault for always yelling.
Always calling me names.
And the abuse.
Not always physical, but emotional.
My tears are more painful than bruises.
Burning as they slide down my face.
I drift back into the darkness.
Then I slowly come back to the light.
This time, I'm really here. Awake.
I open my yes, and take a look around.
And see everyone here...but you.
They tell me you left after you grabbed my hand.
You thought I was back. But I wasn't.
I mumbled the words "hate" and "off".
Twitching about in the bed.
They say you cried
as you fled the room.
But I doubt it.
You never cared.
I don't like the light no more.
It's colder here. Than it was in the dark.
In the dark, I had love.
Here, in the light,
I have nothing.
Copyright © Cynthia Willard | Year Posted 2012
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