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Details | A Rambling Righting Riley - Shauna Riley Poem

Father

When I look into your eyes
I see right through
To the back of your mind
What’s bothering you

Everyday you carry guilt
Never bother to pick up the phone
Just to straighten it out
But it seems you want to be alone

You say you want to make up
The lost birthdays and years
For destroying our family
For the dreaded tears

Over a year no letter in the mail
Over year there’s no call
Over a year no sign of life
Over the years you never cared at all

You only want to get it out
Just so you don’t feel bad
Only for your benefit
So your life is no longer sad

Y say you want to be close again
By buying me anything I desire
But love you can’t buy
So all you are is a liar

I know you have regrets
But you’ll eventually pay
You might be happy again
When you grow up one day

You let the pain stand in your way
You tried to block us out
But you only put distance between us
Now your own kids you know nothing about

You never know what to say 
Being selfish and covering up the pain
Never saw what it did to us
Tired of losing now you want to gain

Over the years I forgot how you hurt me
I forgot to call you dad
I forgot you all in all
I forgot everything  bad

Details | A Rambling Righting Riley - Shauna Riley Poem

Your Kiss

Fluttering, my heart goes as you draw near
Stuttering, the words that come from my mouth
Warmth, that flows through my body
Sweaty, my palms start to become
Wet, my lips are as they wait
Heaving, my chest goes as my breathing grows deeper
Trembling, my hands can’t seem to stop
Quivering, my body from head to toe
Staring, my eyes at your soft lips
Holding, my face in your hands
Hot, your breath on my lips I drink in
Pausing, before our lips touch
Fading, everything around me
Softly, your lips meet mine
Closed, my eyes stay as I get lost in the moment
Melting, into your arms I start
Searching, words to describe what I feel
Parting, my lips with your tongue
Dancing, our tongues begin
Gasping, for breath between each kiss
Eagerly, we want more
Exploring, our hands all over each other
Intense, as we look into each other’s eyes
Passion, in every move we make
Wishing, you could feel this inside me

Details | A Rambling Righting Riley - Shauna Riley Poem

No Longer Care

If my jar of tears is full,
Does that mean I won’t cry anymore?

If I’m already broken in a million pieces,
Does that mean I can no longer break?

If I stick the knife far enough in,
Will I become numb to the pain?

If I bleed until I bleed out,
Does that mean they can no longer hurt me?

If my ears become deaf to their words,
Will I never again have them scar me?

If my skin continues to grow thicker,
Will one day I no longer care?

And if I no longer care,
Does that mean I’ll survive?

Details | A Rambling Righting Riley - Shauna Riley Poem

My dad is a brick mason and so were my 2 grandfathers so it’s easy to say I would
know a thing or two about laying brick. It has surely come in handy a few times in
my life and each time I’ve had to use that knowledge; I have become smarter,
quicker, more experienced. With each job, the joints look more clean, the foundation
more sturdy, are larger than the last, more effective, rising higher and higher. I have
found that some jobs were unnecessary and the walls would need to be torn down.
But as I get more under my belt, those walls are harder to tear down. The last wall
to come down started slowly, very tedious work, back-breaking, brow
sweating….many man hours went into what eventually resulted in a massive wall to
come crashing down… covering everything around it in a cloud of dust. It was a
most victorious day and well worth the hard labor. The land was cleared of debris
and life began to flourish where the wall once stood. But I’ve been out of work for a
while, no need for any walls to be built….until now. I thought my mason days would
be over and I could hang up my trowel….retire from this laborious job that has took
such a toll on me over the years. But now a wall is needed and it is time to dust of
the tools handed down to me from a father to his daughter….trowel, level, jointer,
and brush. This project is my biggest yet and will require much attention to details
to ensure that it will withstand just about any force of nature. That it will stand rigid,
unbreakable, firm. I dread the hours that this will require, the aches and pains my
body will endure for this enormous wall….a wall that no one will be able to rappel
over, with numerous defensives, so high and well-built that it will intimidate anyone
who dares to think twice about seeing what’s on the other side….a wall long
enough to encase a small city so that those who rest inside will sleep peaceful at
night with no worries of invasion. As I gather my tools together, I realize I had
forgotten how heavy those mortar mix bags were. Funny…you usually never forget
that or the effort that goes into mixing mortar. But I had forgotten. I start going
over the blueprints, going over the knowledge that has been passed down to me
and what I have acquired by experience….building my confidence up for that task
that lays before me. It’s time..yes I believe I’m ready to start my footer. As my
shovel strikes the dirt…I wonder if this is the beginning or the end of my career as a
brick mason’s daughter.

Details | A Rambling Righting Riley - Shauna Riley Poem

One Drop - Prose

These forgotten badlands are arid and parched. It’s felt the blistering, desert hot winds.
Turbulent gritty sand storms have crossed these lands. What was once lively, thriving is
now only a desolate, thirsty terrain. After being drought-ridden for so long, the ground is
hard, unyielding even to the smallest root. Even vultures have stopped flying overhead
for how can something die if everything is already dead?Day after desiccated day, the sun
beams down, relentless. Although the night is somewhat welcoming, it is still so thick and
humid that it doesn’t provide much comfort. But there’s a scent in the air….something
somewhat familiar but from ages ago. There’s a change in the atmosphere…and an eerie
silence that stretches for miles, like time has stood still. Splat! There…a scattered, dark
circle on the ground…disappearing almost instantly. Suddenly, the scorching sky breaks
open. Rain…cool, wet liquid…it does exist. Looking across the horizon, you can see it. Like
a silky veil draping over the lands in a steady, fluid motion. There is no other sound
around…just the sound of this drumming rain landing, making everything it touches glisten
and gleam like diamonds. Giving drink to a once thought unquenchable territory, it opens
up wide and soaks it all in. The water running, dripping into the trenches that were only
once small cracks…..reaching depths unknown to bring forth life of what was once dead. If
there were such a smell as years of dehydration and depravity finally receiving
sustenance, this smell would be it. Such a beauty to behold…so much water that it stands
in pools until this hardened ground can learn what it’s like to soften in order to accept it.
It’s everywhere, can you see it? Abundant, unwavering water. Everything has been so
barren, you can see for miles…but…wait..what’s this? Something so small that you would
almost miss it. Emerald green, a majestic inch…a sprout….a sprout of hope….a sprout of
life…

Details | A Rambling Righting Riley - Shauna Riley Poem

Scattered All Around

"Fragments and crumbs of life, all the little pieces" 

                                           John Ruskin, 1853 

Scattered all around
Scrambling to pick up the pieces
Of what is left
That was once whole
Now shattered on the ground
What once was beautiful
Now broken and chipped away
Desperate to find every piece
In hopes of restoration
Frantically searching
Eyes darting everywhere
Ignoring the pain
As the shards cut
As you seize each piece
Even the most minuscule 
Clutching it ever so close
As tears start to swell
Chest begins to heave
As panic sets in
How could this have happened
Failed to protect and guard
Something so precious
Only few ever find
More valuable than gold
Casting the illusion
Of being untouchable
Standing the test of time
Safe and resistant 	
Thus leading to distance
Less guarding and sheltering
Taking comfort in the safety
Of letting go
Only to see it topple over
Like slow motion
Fearfully reaching out
Brushing fingertips
But not quick enough
Watching it descend 
Eyes wide
No longer breathing
Heart stopping
Helpless now
Ear-piercing
As it shatters
Into a million pieces
Knees hitting the ground
Awe struck
Dumb-founded
What once was treasured
Lies hopeless and lifeless
Even if all the pieces are found
Carefully glued back together
It will never be as beautiful
Covered with cracks
Never showing strength
Only fragile and weak
Telling the story of carelessness
How one looked away
Only for a brief moment
Left vulnerable to the unknown
Is now nothing more
Than broken shards
Glistening from tears
In blood-stained hands


By Shauna Riley

5/17/11

For A Rambling Poet's contest, "All the Little Pieces"

Details | A Rambling Righting Riley - Shauna Riley Poem

Cauldron Bubbles

The cauldron bubbles
With blackest of black
Boiling over the rim 
Thick and tar-like liquid
As putrid fumes fill the air
It gags you, chokes you
Making you wonder
What is IN that
And you look around to find
A rotted, termite infested shelf
Coated with years of dust
Webs spun by spiders long gone
One jar is labeled: Serpent tongues
Cunning and slithering
With lies, deceit, lashing words
Next to it sits a tin canister
Curiosity gets the best of you
So you pull off the lid to find
Bulging, gluttonous leeches
Eager to suck out the life
To drain you dry until discarded
Until you are no longer any use
A wooden box sits waiting
The lid creaks open revealing
Black, shriveled, petrified hearts
Formed by spite and hatred
Rattling inside a can 
Are enormous troll teeth
Rotten and black from years
Of ripping and gnawing of flesh
In a sack there seems to be marbles
But inside you find owl eyes
Harden from all the scrutiny
All the harsh, critical glares
Stunned, it hits you and you realize
These are boiling in the cauldron
What makes up the blackness, the smell
And on a gnarled table
Scarred and weathered 
From years of hosting
Is a bowl waiting to be filled
For the brim to touch my lips
And the thick liquid to trickle
Down the back of my throat
Invading my body
To spread throughout
Wreaking havoc and devouring 
Everything it touches
Until I am the blackness
Until I am the host
Of this vicious venom 
To spread the infectious disease
Fear of this driving me
I grab the large pot
Searing the flesh of my palms
And push with everything in me
Until it topples over
Spilling out onto the floorboards
Seeping into the cracks
To never fill another bowl
To never be consumed
To never inhabit another
To never take over me

Details | A Rambling Righting Riley - Shauna Riley Poem

Masquerade

You saunter through the double doors
Head held high
Chest puffed out
Putting on airs
You think you’re so clever, so deceiving
Showing up baring the most ornate mask
But I see right through
The mask that you wear tonight
You think it will conceal
You think just tonight
In this hour
You can be somebody else
But you’re dancing with the Belle of the Ball
This is MY Masquerade
And this is the 147th event
You just don’t recognize me
Because I wear a different mask each time
Your mask is cheap material
Sequins missing, feathers askew 
Such feeble attempts
I smell your bravado
Putrid and reeking, stinking up the air
But I see right through
I’ve donned masks my whole life
That’s why I am the bearer of this sash
That you see around my neck 
“Strongest Person I Know”
But I allow no one to gaze under the mask
Sure I play the Belle oh so well
But if you all saw beneath
Saw WHY I’ve had to wear masks
You’d strip me of my title
You’d rip off my sash
Break the pearls from my neck
You’d run for the door tonight
Quicker than Cinderella at the stroke of midnight
That’s the beauty of a Masquerade
You can pretend to be something you’re not
When one guise becomes worn
When it loses its sparkle
It’s glamour and charm
That first catches your eye
Well it’s quite alright 
Because I have a treasure trove 
BURSTING with masks
Grab another and keep dancing
Twirling the night away
Never skipping a beat
But when the music finally comes to an end
When the door closes and the final guest departs
Empty wine glasses are seen scattered all around
The only sound is the echo of my heels
When the confetti lies lifeless on the floor
That’s when I remove my mask
Exhausted, worn and weary
When I gladly, almost desperately 
Take off my tattered sash 
And throw it beneath my feet
Because I’m not resilient and strong now
I feel weak, frail and reclusive in my realm
That’s when the tears start to brim
That’s when I wish someone else held the title
So stripped and naked
Alone to clean up the mess
Everyone else has left behind
But there’s no one to there to pick up the sash
Just me and the sound of my tears
Echoing as they hit the floor
Almost fearfully I pick up the sash
Dust off the confetti
Smooth out the wrinkles
Before placing it back around my neck
As I throw my shoulders back
Standing taller than ever
Wiping away tears that no one saw
I walk back to my trunk
My trunk of the most decorative
Ornate, obscuring masks
Finding another to wear
As I prepare for the next façade
The next Masquerade

Details | A Rambling Righting Riley - Shauna Riley Poem

Nothing But Chalk

She sits there in the back of the class, doodling on her paperwork. Getting lost in
the scribbles, tuning out the teacher, forgetting all the madness around her, her life
fading in the paper. Slap! The sound of the ruler splintering across the desk. PAY
ATTENTION! Head jerking upward, she sits up in her little desk. Pencil dropping from
her hand, rolling off onto the floor. She looks straight ahead, back straight as a
board, eyes glued ahead as the teacher drones on. Drilling things into their heads,
eyes sharp like an eagle. Looking for every chance to catch someone falling asleep,
to catch someone passing notes, to catch someone whispering. The little girl quietly
picks up her pencil and her mind drifts to dreaming of playing dress up, drifts to the
path the lead makes on the paper. The curves of a woman, not a little girl. Dreaming
of growing up into a woman. Confident, pretty, smart, strong....someone people will
notice....a woman with a voice. Slap! The ruler across her hand. She jerks it back,
clasping it to her chest. Instant sting, instant redness and she feels the tears start
to pool in her eyes, her lip quivering to hold back the yelp. Pay attention! You’re not
listening! I asked you a question young lady. Should I repeat it? She’s so scared
that she can’t even speak so she just meekly nods her head. Hard as steel, cold as
ice, the teacher repeats the question. She hangs her head and answers but her
voice is barely above a squeeking whisper. Speak up! says the teacher. The class
can’t hear you, I can’t hear you she says. The little girl raises her head and repeats
her answer. WRONG! Slap! The ruler across her other hand. See if you had been
paying attention instead of DOODLING, then you wouldn’t have gotten the ruler.
You’ll make sure next time you will listen now won't you. The little girl doesn’t
answer, doesn’t speak up. She doesn’t want the ruler again. So she carefully and
quietly lays her pencil on her little wooden desk that bares the markings of many
ruler slappings. And on her little wooden desk, she rests her hands that bare the
scars of many ruler slappings. She stares straight ahead at the chalkboard,
unwavering, searing a hole in the chalkboard. She tries to find the dream of dress
up, tries to find the girl dressing up as the woman she wants to be. But all she sees
on the chalkboard…no matter how hard or how long she stares...all she sees on the
chalkboard.....is nothing but chalk.

Details | A Rambling Righting Riley - Shauna Riley Poem

Birthday I Will Never Forget

It’s been 5 years since I’ve seen my daddy and he’s going to be here
Here at my 9th birthday party with all my friends and family
I can barely contain the excitement but a little nervous too
So many people waiting for me at the skating rink
All there to celebrate my birthday, everyone there for ME
As I see my daddy I take off running into his arms
And I’m crying and so is he as we embrace each other
We’re both so happy with smiles across our faces
Looking around I see all my friends, their moms and dads
I see my family and for once my mom AND my dad are here too
All waiting for me to blow out my candles and make a wish
But this was my wish to have everyone I love here for me
But then my dad asked to take me to pick out my presents
My mom said no and they both started to yell in front of everyone
Everyone watching and staring at them argue
As I sat in a corner crying because all my dad wanted
Was to take his little girl to get what her heart desired
Mommy whisked me away and daddy never got the chance to say goodbye
Mommy fought to get me in the car as I stared out the back window crying
Wishing I had made that wish when I blew out my candles