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Adna Demiri Poem
But when I get cold,
there will suddenly be plenty trying to turn it on,
even though their thumbs start to get numb.
They reach out with: "we need you," and then graciously say: "alright, I understand."
But they don’t know my seasons enough; summer season, striving to be my best for everyone, sometimes takes a pause.
Times up.
The fire, though, from where it comes from, shines brightly, regardless of my soul spreading snowflakes.
Even though it built a world just so it can be illuminated,
what has been built by God, who I don’t remember but know.
People put their cigarette on it for their own need and thank those who share their own lightner and take a moment, to share a moment, by holding it on tight.
I was about to waste my hand but remembered my own worth too.
Copyright © Adna Demiri | Year Posted 2024
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Adna Demiri Poem
While I deleted all my socials,
why have I just installed one to look what her favorites are?
I swear I should have just leave it and let it stay in deleted.
I am not meant to use such things,
I always won't stop what other people might think.
Because when I saw that he is following her,
both my cheeks got warm and my heart beating fast.
Even though she does not follow him back
why can I not find in myself what I like and put them into favorites,
but wait for hers?
I do not know what this feeling is,
you know my heart isn't stopping and my cheeks still feel heavy.
I just hope my brain does not feel shaky how it does everyday.
Seeing the amount of na*ed girls he follows,
I think I knew already before.
But why do I not find it funny anymore?
I just did not find it as bad.
I did not really thought much about it and immedietly forgot it
It aligns with his past behavior very well.
With the behavior he has now too I guess.
We just do not talk anymore so I do not know.
Not any feeling,
just something bad lingering you know?
Copyright © Adna Demiri | Year Posted 2024
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Adna Demiri Poem
When someone loved me but I did not love them back,
they did so many genuine things,
like always reaching out asking if I was alright and took the mistakes their friends did to themselves.
They say:"Take care" with a smile, I wished that would've lasted longer, If I just knew what it meant.
I couldn't say that I don't have feelings for them,
because they did not start it.
And then, when I fell inlove.
I gave gifts, spoke in messages things I now would find cringe.
Always wanted to make them feel loved and never hurted.
When somedays he did things that hurted me mentally.
I heard rumors I were not ready to hear and not ready to know their truth.
When I awaited and asked, when that moment was his chance to close the door.
I stood behind and cried.
When someone loved me but I did not love them back,
they needed to endure many things I did, that hurted them in pieces.
My responses always keeping it short.
Laughing with other guys.
Getting along with others more even though he tried his best.
Then, when he saw me loving someone,
he tried to hide his pain with a laugh,
and everytime he talked with me he involved him.
When I got away from him and didn't love him anymore,
my crush had loved a girl in my class.
I saw how his eyes sparked and how many things he did for her.
Sometimes she got annoyed and told him, but still didn't chase him away.
She doesn't like him back.
Like he didn't love me back.
Where, the whole time, I didn't love the other guy back.
She still doesn't mind him.
I still don't mind him.
And he doesn't mind me.
Someday it catches us both, where we both do indeed mind eachother, but it is just the same as how his crush got annoyed by him sometimes.
The only thing I wished for was that he still likes me as a person.
I didn't realise that this whole time he got time understanding my actions, even though I thought it wasn't fair that I got now to see him love someone also brunette but just skinnier than me.
Where I understand where he comes from.
And where he understands where I come from.
I still wave to the guy who had a crush on me but I didn't.
She still waves to him even though she doesn't like him back.
He leaves me alone because I can't..
I hope that someday I can give you the signal, that I am ready you waving at me, and me waving back.
Once I was, where I was smiling at you,
and you smiled back at me.
Because I started it in the past.
And you wanted to me sure.
Do you think someday you will be ready?
Or that I will?
Copyright © Adna Demiri | Year Posted 2024
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Adna Demiri Poem
Ongoing two years I participated in owning the classgroupchat.
I told people what the homework was, every single day.
Never ignored a message.
Never spoke bad words.
Even though I noticed they made fun of me and thought I really think they just act this way.
They just talk this way.
But as you start to defend or tell your opinion they hate.
They made me cry, but I still went on.
They made me feel ashamed, but I still went on.
They made me not go wash myself, but I still went on.
They made me tell my mum "later!" and then forget, but I still went on.
And on.
And on.
And on.
And on till my favorite teacher, whom they told I were her favorite student to ruin my grade, dies.
Till my mum figure died.
I have nothing left to give, I can't even feed myseld properly.
Copyright © Adna Demiri | Year Posted 2024
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Adna Demiri Poem
Now, when one of you asks questions,
I observe what is on the desk,
if there is something left already from someone else.
Slowly I grabbed my book intentionally,
but still looked in deeply.
Smile? I didn't feel like it.
What was there to smile for?
Suddenly you said:"It's alright, he can have mine", while smiling.
Now I understood why I was so confused.
But being that careful comes from something more deeply.
Since when are you ressuring?
I answered with no facial expression and just looked away with a slightly nodd.
I am not sure if you saw it, right, you can't read my mind.
I was relieved you tried to make it right.
But there is no response left for you.
Copyright © Adna Demiri | Year Posted 2024
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Adna Demiri Poem
I have a slip of memory,
when you casually took the initiative and passed my water bottle to a friend of mine whom I couldn't reach.
I shared a laugh for the first time with you.
*For the first time with you again*
*Because of you,* I laughed dozens of times.
We are set in the same classroom, in the same school.
And I know you and your moves.
I just didn't mind thinking of your funny attitude again.
When you took it with two fingers, trying to reach your hand in my direction, I could see you smiled too.
We are not there yet to share them,
but heard me.
Why am I wondering when I knew you would be?
When I gave you smiles and waves,
and sometimes it did not even work,
I waited unresponsive to wait for yours.
But you had answered, just differently.
I misunderstood your humor over time,
because you grew from the other side.
But still, I laughed for a bit.
Even though I thought some of them were a cup of tea with what I wouldn't fit.
But I see it was right,
when you asked and got nothing left but waited for me to step in,
*since you were waiting for a turn to check if I am alright with being talked to,*
*and I just knew,*
and turned around and said: "I have one!"
I had already grabbed my bag,
but still, you asked, *since you were waiting for a turn to check if I am alright with it,* "May I? That would be nice."
Even though I had already answered with yes.
When I gave it to you, you said thank you twice.
As you were done, even though I had seen me coming, you said, "Lisa, here is your ---,"
*since you wanted to make sure I could make a turn around.*
I unplugged it after I said thank you and took the cable from your hands again, saying: "Thank you."
Copyright © Adna Demiri | Year Posted 2024
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Adna Demiri Poem
You told her how I was feeling about you and did not even talk about it with me.
Hearing her telling you: "I don't think she meant that way", and you responding: "ofcourse, I mean.."
What picture are you painting?
What will she blurr out or add?
Why am I needing to see it and can't fill what the teacher is teaching about physics?
How aren't you two seeing me?
Why can't I pat on his hand and she may hold the brush while he moves it?
When my love did start to disappear and also the jelousy towards her,
I started again defend other girls of your stupid words, rumors saying: "pull yourself together".
And since that sentence I have spoken you dragged my projects down but when she did it you just ignored her.
And just took a seperate way.
Or..did you change?
If, thank god.
Good someone could influence you how you did to me.
With the love you accepted to give how I did.
I still didn't talk my jelousy infront of me.
I did like her.
And her hair.
And her humor.
It took time to understand that you drove the car and I was screaming at you sitting at the front seat not with the seatbelt even though you told me too several times and she just seeing it all from across the street.
I took the risk to step in.
You took the risk to leave the car whenever you want.
And she took the risk to stop or just walk past it.
I don't blame any option she would take on her.
Since you were loving her you saw all of us in Black.
Since I needed to heal, I tried to aviod and saw you as a ghost.
Who you don't need to thank.
Who you don't need to forgive.
Who you don't need to be mad at.
Who you don't need to speak to.
After you droped your jelousy out my mouth came crier.
After I answered cold I left you embarassed.
I, in the end cried.
You, in the end where going all red.
I was hurt.
You were wronged.
Copyright © Adna Demiri | Year Posted 2024
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Adna Demiri Poem
mum, when you told these people that you want us to pay for the sins we did, so you won't pray for us.
The way you said it, like it is something easy to speak about,
to let out,
and you even shrugged your shoulders.
I would've prayed for you.
Why don't you want us all to live all together happily again,
In a better, more beautiful life?
"Their dad can do, he does it because he wants it and was raised like that, but I am an other person than him"
Thanks mum,
letting me know at 14.
Copyright © Adna Demiri | Year Posted 2024
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Adna Demiri Poem
He did not tell me anything bad,
till I needed to sit down till my legs ended to shake.
Just because of what happend
before
He was asking me stuff or just some help,
I needed to turn away and ask other people what they thought,
couldn't tell him that I didn't know.
Just because of what happend
before
I needed to look her twice in the eye,
to feel good about what she has said,
mad about,
that she is making me mad,
even though she is just kindly smiling ahead.
Just because of what happend
before
I am always talking about scenarios what if,
but there is nothing like such.
Life made us meet,
and now grew us apart.
I mean when we were talking,
it was always just because school said so,
the weather said so,
your parents said so,
but not because your mind said so.
I mean when you turned to me and talked,
you saw how my voice broke off,
suddenly I was all shy and scared to say something wrong,
and said it is enough.
Copyright © Adna Demiri | Year Posted 2024
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Adna Demiri Poem
When you squeezed yourself between the tables and accedently stepped on my jeanlengs, I was so pissed that I turned at you and stared your back for 20seonds in silent.
That you interrupted my conversation.
That you interrupted my space without asking if I could move for a second.
You were too scared to ask,
I was scared to tell you that.
When I had a dream,
and I told you should watch out,
you turned around and said: "Alright, chill", since why I am making a fuss about such a small incident.
But it doesn't matter what you will say or how you would turn around,
In my dream I looked at you with teary eyes.
Even though you hadn't said anything yet.
Copyright © Adna Demiri | Year Posted 2024
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