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Best Poems Written by Heidi Olson

Below are the all-time best Heidi Olson poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

Details | Heidi Olson Poem

Failed Fiancée

Their judging eyes upon me
I see them hold their tongues to keep from saying what they’re thinking
That I’m crazy
That I’m a disappointment
Whispers behind my back about how I’m the failed fiancée,
Not cut out for marriage
The whispers that I’m the horrible Christian who doesn’t love God enough  to be the 
submissive woman all good god-fearing women are suppose to be

Their judgment no longer bothers me,
For I have faced it too many times before
Perhaps I’m not cut out to be the submissive woman the church tells me to be
I could no longer kill a part of myself to fit into the tight corset the church has told me I need 
to wear to be a godly woman
I doubt God would have me suffocate and whither into an empty shell of who I am
So I may be the failed fiancée
But at least I’m not the empty, hollow, shell of a good Christian wife

Details | Heidi Olson Poem

I Gave Up

Giving up heaven to embrace hell
Perhaps I could have learned to love him with time
He took care of me and I never doubted his motives
I was the one in control
I knew he would love me forever
But for all the life in me I could not return that love
I left the safety of the familiar to wander into the unknown
Here I question every action and word uttered
He controls me now and I’m helpless against it
I’m terrified he’ll move on and I’ll be left alone and broken
Shattered and exposed
Naked and alienated
I gave up a constant for an inconsistency
I gave up power for complete submission
But at least in this hell
I’ll love for a moment
Even when that love isn’t returned

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Anxious Anticipation

Anxious and giddy waiting for the much anticipated call
The minutes fade into hours and the harsh reality sets in
He was never going to call
Annoyed and hurt I toss and turn in bed secretly hoping the phone will ring
Thoughts of ignoring the call
Or telling him off for disappointing me again consume me
Finally decided that should he call I’ll tell him not to bother anymore
The bitter pain and disappointment is just too much
Finally sleep starts to take me and I hear the phone ring
Eager and desperate to know he cares I answer the phone without a moment’s hesitation
The same excuse as always is given 
I want so desperately for this to be the truth that I ignore the gut feeling
In truth I know the only reason he called is because he was bored
I pretend like I’m not hurt and disappointed with his lateness
And continue to convince myself that he really does have feelings for me

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At the End of the Day

When all the voices fade away
I'm still alone at the end of the day
One pushed away
The other refused to play
The results stay
In the end there's only dismay

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The Cycle

I waited for him.
His angry words and hurtful actions I forgave.
When he needed me I was there
And when loneliness was his companion I took it away.

He loved her.
He would tell me how no one else could make him feel the way she did
And that he had never loved another the way he loved her.

She took him for granted.
She never appreciated him
And was angry at him for the most trivial things.

I hated her for not loving him as much as I did.
When he could love no one else,
Neither could I.
He was what I wanted,
And in return he wanted her.
He could never have her,
just as I could never have him.

And so the cycle continued,
Me wanting,
Him loving,
Her taking for granted.

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No Second Chance

Her heart an offering on the table
His fear the deciding factor
He scorned her affections and left the heart
She picked it back up but refused to offer it again
He wanted friendship and not love
And so that is what she would give
Perhaps someday when he goes seeking her heart,
He’ll be the one scorned
She offered her heart once and he refused
There will be no second chance

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Never To Trust Again

Desperately longing for something that won’t be had.
No matter how much I want him,
I will never be more than a game to him.
Some sort of toy that can be easily tossed aside when something better comes along.
And mangled and broken I’ll lay in the gutter,
Hating myself for knowing and not stopping it.
I made the choice to hope he meant what he said,
And in the end knew the hope was naïve.
Shattered and hollow I’ll continue on my way,
Never to trust again.
The moral in the lesson is to keep the walls up,
And not let anyone get close.
Never let your guard down,
And refuse to trust.

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Abyss

I feel the walls closing in
I want out but the exit’s closed
Drowning now
The water keeps rising
To breathe would mean to take a mouth full of water
God how did this happen?
Please let me out
Lungs screaming for air
There’s none left
Vision going black
I feel my body sinker lower and deeper into the abyss
Sharp pain around my wrist
Gasping, gasping for air
A chance to be free
The driftwood slowly sinking 
What do I do?
I can’t go back
I can’t lose my rescuer
The water starts pulling me down
Please let there be a way out
A few moments bliss in the arms of my rescuer
Before I sink back into the abyss

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Prays Lifted Up In Vain

While he prayed for me to come back to him,
I prayed to be with another.
Every night I fell asleep with a prayer on my lips for his safety,
And that he might care for me half as much as I care for him.
Both out prayers were lifted up in vain.
Never would I return to the one who loves me,
And never would the other care for me.
I tortured myself with hope and trust, 
Knowing the trust.
He didn’t remember things exchanged between us,
While I cherished every word.
He blamed it on his poor memory
But I knew it was because he didn’t care.
I would stay up hours just for a few minutes conversation,
And he would be too tired to call.
He’d claim he tried calling for hours,
But the truth was he just forgot.
I will never go back to the one who loves me
Just as the one I care for will never care for me
Prays lifted up in vain.

Details | Heidi Olson Poem

Creature

You think I'm foolish
That I don't see the games you play
You keep me on a leash
So that I don't wander too far when you aren't interested
But close by when you're lonely
I don't handle leashes well though
And I'm not as loyal as you think
I can only tolerate so much neglect before I go in search of a new master
Because all I am to you and the next guy is a pet
A creature kept for your entertainment
I suppose that's all I've ever been to anyone