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Eli Arendel Poem
I’m tired.
When I say that,
people ask me,
“How much sleep did you get?”
They tell me,
“Go to bed earlier then!”
I joke and say that I try,
or I lie and say about 6 hours.
But in reality,
I barely get 3,
if I’m lucky.
I’m physically tired,
but when I say “I’m tired”,
I don’t mean it in that way.
I mean I’m exhausted.
I don’t want to get up in the morning.
I want to sleep, but I can’t.
I have no motivation.
I have to fake my smile.
I have to hide my tears,
from the voices in my head.
I have to force myself to work,
so I don’t fail.
When people ask how I am doing,
I tell them “I’m fine!”
and give them the brightest smile I can muster.
I joke about my sadness,
as a way to cope.
I have no motivation.
I have no real happiness.
I play a part,
like my life is a show.
I put on a performance,
for the people to enjoy.
I play the dumb friend,
so I can keep being the “funny” one.
I smile at everyone, and treat everyone nicely,
so I can stay the people pleaser I have always been.
It’s tiring.
It’s ing exhausting.
I have no one to talk to.
I feel nothing.
I feel empty.
There is nothing in my heart.
I care so deeply,
but it hurts when I’m just used.
People like me because I’m kind,
but they don’t know how I really feel.
When someone likes me,
and I don’t reciprocate those feelings,
I pretend, and date them, so I don’t break their heart.
I know they may find out,
but I don’t want people hurt because of my actions.
I’ve hurt people though,
and I hold on to the guilt like a lifeline.
I take it out on myself.
As I drag the blade, and watch the red flow,
it feels so good, and it makes me forget,
for even just a moment,
the mental torment.
I’m so drained,
that I feel as though I’m just…
Numb.
Numb to the happiness.
Numb to the sadness.
Numb to the anger.
“Numb” to the pain.
I want to feel better,
but I don’t know how.
I have lost the one person,
who gave me the motivation.
I have no one.
I’m alone.
I write these poems,
to hopefully feel something.
Though it never works,
it’s the only thing I can do.
Only way I can talk,
only way I can let out the pain.
I need help,
to stop feeling this drained.
But I can’t get help,
and I never ask,
because I will always just be a burden
with my problems, and my thoughts.
I’ll always feel tired,
and nothing will ever change that,
no matter how hard I try.
Copyright © Eli Arendel | Year Posted 2023
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Eli Arendel Poem
She needs someone.
She needs someone to show her how to live,
and be brave.
She wants someone to love,
and to cherish, forever.
He needs someone.
He needs someone to show him how to love,
and accept those feelings.
He wants someone to stay with him,
and be there when he needs them most.
They're missing each other.
All they need is to find each other.
Copyright © Eli Arendel | Year Posted 2025
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Eli Arendel Poem
We met, it was beautiful.
We talked, it was nice.
We gained feelings for one another,
and we returned each other's feelings.
I’m happy to call you mine,
and very happy to be called yours.
It’s been years, our love never faulting.
We are close to death, but we shall stay together.
We live together in love,
and we die together, in love.
Copyright © Eli Arendel | Year Posted 2023
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Eli Arendel Poem
You made me believe you cared.
You made me believe that I loved you.
You used your “charm”,
and got me hooked.
You knew how to lie,
you knew how to manipulate,
and you used that to your advantage.
You hurt me,
without even saying hurtful things.
You lied,
and you warped my heart to still love you.
All you use to get to people.
Not kindness,
not being helpful,
not being truthfully caring.
Only…
Lies of omission.
Copyright © Eli Arendel | Year Posted 2023
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Eli Arendel Poem
You are the moon to my sun.
You are the night sky to my stars.
You are the shadow to my light.
I will always need you,
like a light needs the dark.
I will forever wish to kiss you,
like the light kisses a shadow.
I will forever love you,
like a sunset loves the night.
You will always be my pair,
like the light, and the dark.
Copyright © Eli Arendel | Year Posted 2025
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Eli Arendel Poem
Love.
It's a happy feeling.
One that fills you with serotonin,
every time you see that one person.
But it can also be a sad feeling.
A hurtful feeling even.
Because when you see that one person,
after ending the happiness
it hurts.
It really effing hurts.
Especially when you still love them.
And you feel guilty
if you have someone new.
You feel the guilt of still loving an ex,
while you have someone new who loves you dearly.
You love your new person dearly too,
but your heart still longs for the other one.
Still longs to have those familiar arms around you.
Still crave the feeling of their kiss that you've become so used to.
Still yearn to hear that calming, familiar voice tell you "I love you."
Though it will never happen.
You will never feel the familiarity of their arms warm around you.
You will never feel the softness of their kiss you are accustomed to.
You will never hear those familiar, sweet, loving words you have grown to adore.
You will never have them again.
And it hurts so effing bad.
It's so heartbreaking.
It absolutely, positively, sucks.
Love is happiness,
but it's also horrible and heartbreaking.
Copyright © Eli Arendel | Year Posted 2023
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Eli Arendel Poem
I hurt him.
The one person I vowed to never hurt again.
The one person I was actually healing our friendship with.
I hurt him.
Again.
I was honest with my feelings,
on how I still loved him
but didn't wanna ruin what we had.
It hurt him.
He didn't talk to me.
He looked at me as if things were awkward again.
I made him feel like crap,
I know I did.
I feel like effing crap
because I made him feel that way..
I ruined everything..again..
I'm a eff up of a human being..
I don't deserve happiness,
I don't deserve love..
I'm a horrible person..
And a horrible person never deserves the good in life..
Copyright © Eli Arendel | Year Posted 2023
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Eli Arendel Poem
When you left,
I was in pain.
When you left,
I was in sorrow.
Though I was still smiling,
I was still laughing, and having fun.
That was only outside.
Because on the inside,
that’s where I died,
and I was never revived.
Copyright © Eli Arendel | Year Posted 2025
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Eli Arendel Poem
It’s a very saddening feeling.
Loneliness.
You want to go out,
but you don’t have anyone to call.
You want to get out of the house,
but you don’t have the motivation to get out of bed.
You want to talk to someone,
but you don’t want to be a burden with your thoughts,
so you keep to yourself,
and don’t let anyone in.
It’s painful,
Mentally, and physically.
It causes mental pain,
because you’re having yourself stuck in your head,
in the darkness of a room.
It causes physical pain,
because you can let out your frustrations,
and other bothering thoughts,
onto yourself, hurting yourself.
It’s painful being alone,
and it never won’t be.
Copyright © Eli Arendel | Year Posted 2023
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Eli Arendel Poem
I fell for you.
Only you.
You returned that feeling,
oh so long you returned the feeling.
You never once lost love for a second.
Until you met her.
You gave her what I begged for.
You gave her more love,
more attention,
then you gave me.
I begged the universe,
“Please keep him in my life,
I need him, I love him.”
But in the end,
you left me,
for her.
You lost the feelings you had,
that you so happily returned before.
Copyright © Eli Arendel | Year Posted 2023
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