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March Archer Poem
I have this inkling feeling each time before i break
a tightness in my chest, i swallow air
and each time i want to discard every piece of you i own
but i forget, forget, forget
i close it off, i just don’t think about it
and silently i let you barge in on my space
and ask for more
all you do is ask for more
then good days turn into bad days
and all my good poetry turns into bad poetry
now i’m standing in the shower thinking over my day
you didn’t do anything but disappoint me
i didn’t get a lot of birthday wishes this year
nor did my grandma send me the right book
but i wasn’t upset, cause there was always you
not anymore, i guess
at least not the way i want it
you make a point of walking over me and then wiping your feet
and i make a point of breaking down and crying like a little kid
and i don’t know how to say that i want to go alone
since you’ll follow me anywhere
but i need you to stop being attached
attached to me, your punching bag
Copyright © March Archer | Year Posted 2023
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March Archer Poem
I clutch at the magazines,
the letters, the newspaper cutouts
I look through your old notebooks
tracing over rows and rows of numbers
a library catalog, a stamp
l’m looking for something more personal
something that could make me feel you again
there are birch trees everywhere you look
I missed them, I longed for them
almost as much as I longed for the time
when you would hug me, pat me on the head
and call me by a new name
every time I saw you it would be something different
it’s been years, but I only just became ready
to take this step, to forgive and forget
I prayed you get relief and you got it
but now I understand why they wanted to keep you for a little longer
why they wouldn’t let you go
I stare at the birch tree, right next to your old apartment building
and wonder if you would stare at it too
you probably didn’t, you didn’t care for them like I do
you’d just pass by and get home to your books
the books that lay in my room now
the books I grab, I flip through
in hopes of proving that you had once existed
that you weren’t just writing on a page
Copyright © March Archer | Year Posted 2023
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March Archer Poem
I wind and wind and wind,
And then I watch the ballerina spin,
And I never get tired of the soft melody that accompanies her dance,
The music haunts me in my days,
I hear my neighbor playing it on her piano
And I think of the way you laughed, and talked, and moved your hands
And how you danced, and danced, and then you stopped
Because, well, the ballerina and the music cease too,
The gears break, the spring bends too much,
The box is cracked into pieces,
And I’m standing alone and wondering if this was really what
I wanted to feel
I lay at night hallucinating your voice and things you could’ve said to me if we had spent more time alone,
And wonder how you did it,
The same dull click of the closing music box, the torn off notes and the interrupted ballerina
The same dull look in your eyes,
In your dead, empty eyes
How did you do it?
Was it calloused rope or was it your uniform tie?
Oh, I forgot
They don’t wear ties in the military
They only wear guns
You were wound and wound and wound
Forced to play this ugly music,
Forced to spin around and dance against your will
I didn’t have the time to shut the box and let you rest,
You got wound and wound and wound,
Until you snapped
Copyright © March Archer | Year Posted 2023
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March Archer Poem
Beep beep beep
The motor is running, everything is in place
My heavy breathing fogs up the glass placed in front of my face
The various buttons, I want to press them, such a colorful display
Ladies and gentlemen, we’re making history today
I feel trapped by the crushing pressure, I let out a loud wail
Every moment counts, I’m about to drown, we’ve done it, we’ve tipped the scale
And just for a moment, for a split second, my rocket ship leads me astray
Everything breaks, I fall out the airlock, infinity pulls me away
My crew mates betray me, they cut off my chord, they say I can be on my own
Everything’s dark besides the stars in the sky, so far, so cold, so unknown
Then I turn my head, my eyes are so blurry but I see the earth in its grace
Ladies and gentlemen, I regret to inform you, we, are floating in space
Copyright © March Archer | Year Posted 2023
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March Archer Poem
there’s nothing more i want
than to be your son
than to be loved
and cared for, like i’m one
i pretend it doesn’t bother me
but i always get excited, giddy
the moment you want to watch a movie with me
and when you don’t immediately reach for your drink
there’s nothing more i want
than to be your son
for you to call me “my boy”
why can’t i be your boy?
your oldest boy
there’s nothing more i want
than to leave my past behind
we don’t need to keep looking back
we don’t live there anymore
we’re different now
and i’ll grow and i’ll change
and i’ll keep wanting
cause i know that i’ll never ever be-
i’m always in the past
to you, at least
always the little girl with a head full of curls
that faded to blonde in the sun
always the youngest daughter
and never your oldest son
Copyright © March Archer | Year Posted 2023
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March Archer Poem
she has the wrath of a god but the mind of a human
the steel grip of an eagle, but she’s painfully weak
i shake like a leaf
since whatever she’s doing
makes me scared to the bone, i can’t even speak
whenever she screams, the silence that follows
deafens me more than her voice
don’t prick your finger, thread in a needle
none of us are here by choice
her stare burns my skin; it’s shabby and marred
the scars on my knees are surgically placed
i’ll keep it together
my face stays unscarred
but i look like my father; she says it’s a waste
Copyright © March Archer | Year Posted 2023
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March Archer Poem
no one ever will love me poetically
i’ve thought about it, many times
people will savor me
they’ll enjoy me
they’ll take what i have to give
but never with bated breath
never with stars in their eyes
and the sky on their mind
they’ll hold my hand and stare blankly
they liked loving me, i guess
but never like a poet
and that’s okay, i accept my fate
this burden is mine to bare
but i will, yes i will
every person, every breath, every day
i will love through vivid colors
and sounds only i can hear
i’ll bend words to my will
and i’ll kiss and i’ll touch
i’ll feel glitter and sparks and bass
and clubs and waterparks
and space
i’ll love you like a poet will
i’ll love you like a warm embrace
Copyright © March Archer | Year Posted 2023
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March Archer Poem
we go ice skating
we go sledding, we go fight in the snow
your cheeks are red because it’s cold,
my cheeks are red because you’ve never touched me for this long
your fingers are long, your arms are long, you throw the snowballs hard
and you spin and spin on ice like a ballerina
then i slip and you smile at me and extend your hand for me to grab
except, i don’t slip, and you don’t smile
and i could never hold you
even for a second
i wished to be a young man but i was just a boy
and you were older, and lovelier
and handsome
and i was lonely, and confused and wanting more
it was innocent, and then it wasn’t
it was cold, refreshing
a snowball to the face
then it was heat, and lighting
an electrical shock down my back
when i wake up next to you
fully clothed, and i can’t deal with the longing
so i just lie
i traced your sharp cheekbones
and your long fingers
in pictures, my lips on your cheek
you didn’t mind
when a young boy who wears skirts and grows his hair out kisses you
you still have snowball fights, and go ice skating, and drink hot tea
go to parties and compliment his clothes
and laugh at his jokes
and lead him on like your life depends on it
you kept trying to solve that
rubik’s cube
but you never tried to solve me
a boy, a riddle, desperate to be found out
desperate to face the winter wind
my hands are frozen, i can’t feel my toes, my skin is turning pearly white
i would’ve given you all i had
each secret picked apart like you’re dissecting it
us, blown away by winter wind
us, melting away to frozen time
Copyright © March Archer | Year Posted 2023
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March Archer Poem
i crawl into the darkness of your body
and find a place somewhere in the gaps.
right in the cage, right in the crow’s nest,
wedged between your lungs and beating heart.
i’m covered in your blood.
it’s dripping down my face; it makes me sick.
i could touch your insides with my fingers, i could push your ribs until they crack,
but i am small, so i just feel your steady rhythm
because your heart is larger than i am.
you’ll take an x-ray.
white clean walls, white clean coats.
your doctors have not been prepared;
they found a foreign body in your body.
you’ll laugh and say, oh no, that’s just my friend.
they’ll extract me and make me tend to you in your remission.
i’ll spoon feed you ideas, and maybe that’ll go somewhere,
but maybe not, cause that’s just how it always is.
and there’s no point in fighting it,
not anymore, at least.
and when they rip me out, you won’t feel the change.
save for the gap in your ribs that i grew in,
save for the bite i took out of your heart.
i’m sorry; i was hungry, your inside is too dark,
let me put some light in you,
let me be the light in you.
Copyright © March Archer | Year Posted 2023
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March Archer Poem
sometimes i wish i was a kid
so i wouldn’t get upset
over the ones who hurt the needy
so i could think and then forget
i wish i wasn’t always angry
the rage is burning in me bright
wish it would go deeper within me
and dim when i’m alone at night
sometimes i wish this passion in me
would die and i could be so free
if i could leave my mind behind
if i could run, if i could flee
i wish i was a little kid
to take all of my cares and drop
but instead, i live this life
i think, and think, and never stop
Copyright © March Archer | Year Posted 2023
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