Birch Trees
I clutch at the magazines,
the letters, the newspaper cutouts
I look through your old notebooks
tracing over rows and rows of numbers
a library catalog, a stamp
l’m looking for something more personal
something that could make me feel you again
there are birch trees everywhere you look
I missed them, I longed for them
almost as much as I longed for the time
when you would hug me, pat me on the head
and call me by a new name
every time I saw you it would be something different
it’s been years, but I only just became ready
to take this step, to forgive and forget
I prayed you get relief and you got it
but now I understand why they wanted to keep you for a little longer
why they wouldn’t let you go
I stare at the birch tree, right next to your old apartment building
and wonder if you would stare at it too
you probably didn’t, you didn’t care for them like I do
you’d just pass by and get home to your books
the books that lay in my room now
the books I grab, I flip through
in hopes of proving that you had once existed
that you weren’t just writing on a page
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