Winter Wind, My Hands Are Frozen

we go ice skating we go sledding, we go fight in the snow your cheeks are red because it’s cold, my cheeks are red because you’ve never touched me for this long your fingers are long, your arms are long, you throw the snowballs hard and you spin and spin on ice like a ballerina then i slip and you smile at me and extend your hand for me to grab except, i don’t slip, and you don’t smile and i could never hold you even for a second i wished to be a young man but i was just a boy and you were older, and lovelier and handsome and i was lonely, and confused and wanting more it was innocent, and then it wasn’t it was cold, refreshing a snowball to the face then it was heat, and lighting an electrical shock down my back when i wake up next to you fully clothed, and i can’t deal with the longing so i just lie i traced your sharp cheekbones and your long fingers in pictures, my lips on your cheek you didn’t mind when a young boy who wears skirts and grows his hair out kisses you you still have snowball fights, and go ice skating, and drink hot tea go to parties and compliment his clothes and laugh at his jokes and lead him on like your life depends on it you kept trying to solve that rubik’s cube but you never tried to solve me a boy, a riddle, desperate to be found out desperate to face the winter wind my hands are frozen, i can’t feel my toes, my skin is turning pearly white i would’ve given you all i had each secret picked apart like you’re dissecting it us, blown away by winter wind us, melting away to frozen time