Details |
Tense Tranquility Poem
I'll cuddle the dog before going to sleep
My mind ready for the scrap heap
I'm over tired and overwrought
Numb of body and numb of thought
The running thread, if there is one
Is that I can easily become undone
I was the neglected child, am the unloved adult
Do I need to reflect, say I'm at fault
I'll stand my ground before I drown
Fear I'll never get up if I fall down
I can't accept the things you say
And for that, there's a price I'll pay
I'll walk the long road alone
Never to feel I have a welcome home
The flawed person too full of doubt
It's myself I'd gladly live without
Reflecting on my life and things I've been through
I saddened I spent so long not being loved by you
The tick list of 'making it' so proudly in place
As I sit, so alone, in an empty space
Nothing I do changes anything
No different aspect I can bring
All that is asked of me is to fall on my sword
Create some false sense of accord
Wearing away my sense of worth and sense of self
A heart ache that affects my health
The blame doesn't rest at your door
I am broken now and was broken before
I should surround myself with those that see me in the light
You too, I have no will to fight
So stop telling me I can't justify my view
What I can't justify is listening to you
If you don't like me and don't see my worth
Then I need to put my inner self first
I'm drained now and need to rest
There have been too many things sent to test
I'm safe just sitting in a void of time
I recognise someday both you and I will be once again fine
Copyright © Tense Tranquility | Year Posted 2023
|
Details |
Tense Tranquility Poem
There's something unhealthy about this
Is it a below the surface narcissist
I'm starting to think that person is me
But is that what you want me to see
I can't figure out why I'm all out of sync
Feels like I don't know what I think
But I can recall how I feel
And how much of my joy you steal
There's silence now as I'm ignored
The auto response to any discord
My resolve depletes as time ticks on
I crave all hostility to be gone
Round and round the cycles goes
As I ponder if this is the life I chose
Copyright © Tense Tranquility | Year Posted 2023
|
Details |
Tense Tranquility Poem
I need to be held
by you
so that all the stuff that clutters my brain
disappears
there's a deficit of unknown quantities
of coffee shop chats, wintery walk chats, late night tired chats, just silent gazing...
where a look, means I'm beckoned into embrace, to just be held
not because I ask
because I belong there
I want to be a missing piece of a puzzle
not an inconvenience, taking up time
but a place where time stands still but races
where what I need is given
with the words 'I need this too'
synchronicity of restorative affection
I don't know when the moment is
where we stop someone in their tracks
and they don't walk that way again
nor who is the one no longer there
Copyright © Tense Tranquility | Year Posted 2023
|
Details |
Tense Tranquility Poem
The narrative twists as I watch
Almost from a third person perspective
Everything tightens to say
"It's your fault, it's your fault, it's your fault"
Binding and twisting and turning
Til I'm tied in knots
My mind left in one tangle or another
Unable to catch up
Google says "you live with a narcissist"
I think maybe I'm the narcissist
Accused of terrible things
Denied the right to explain
So the purported crime hangs in the air
Perhaps I'm torturing
Perhaps it's me
Tolerated despite my awful selfishness
I know I'm reliant on external validation
I've traded on my looks or wit if the mood struck me at times
And felt elevated
I can't think straight
I'm locked in a loveless space
Captive there
With 'why can't I be happy' ticker taping across my brain
Why? I'm told I'm the problem
Copyright © Tense Tranquility | Year Posted 2023
|
Details |
Tense Tranquility Poem
I talked about what hurts
And it's so surprising what it is
How so much hides in shadows
I talked about what took the hurt away
How that was light
Wounds are reopened
Maybe they'll heal
I miss the best part of my day
Copyright © Tense Tranquility | Year Posted 2023
|
Details |
Tense Tranquility Poem
Inside of the tiredness
Is a different place to think
There's a clarity about what
can be tolerated
But I slide into wanting peace
I drift from standing my ground
To needing to heal
I wouldn't not want you
But I can't be not wanted yet held
Unloved
It's senseless misery
Copyright © Tense Tranquility | Year Posted 2023
|
Details |
Tense Tranquility Poem
It's like there is a vacuum in my heart
Pulling everything tight
And as the pain increases
I feel I should tell someone
But these are selfish pains
And I can't admit to a soul
That without anything wrong
I am hurting and ache with sadness
Particularly I can't let anyone know
How I'll feel better if noticed
It's so shameful to admit
I teeter so close to despair
That I need reminders of love
The answers lie in the past
Centre of the world or cast aside
I plunge into childlike feeling of loneliness
Where I'm freefalling until I zone out
And if my hand is grabbed mid fall
To tell me I deserve this space
Then I believe it, it rings true
Held.
With pain reinforced
You deserve this
I don't understand you
Why do you do this
I don't know
But I could be better in an instant
If only someone knew how I felt
Copyright © Tense Tranquility | Year Posted 2023
|