Coercive Control

I'll cuddle the dog before going to sleep My mind ready for the scrap heap I'm over tired and overwrought Numb of body and numb of thought The running thread, if there is one Is that I can easily become undone I was the neglected child, am the unloved adult Do I need to reflect, say I'm at fault I'll stand my ground before I drown Fear I'll never get up if I fall down I can't accept the things you say And for that, there's a price I'll pay I'll walk the long road alone Never to feel I have a welcome home The flawed person too full of doubt It's myself I'd gladly live without Reflecting on my life and things I've been through I saddened I spent so long not being loved by you The tick list of 'making it' so proudly in place As I sit, so alone, in an empty space Nothing I do changes anything No different aspect I can bring All that is asked of me is to fall on my sword Create some false sense of accord Wearing away my sense of worth and sense of self A heart ache that affects my health The blame doesn't rest at your door I am broken now and was broken before I should surround myself with those that see me in the light You too, I have no will to fight So stop telling me I can't justify my view What I can't justify is listening to you If you don't like me and don't see my worth Then I need to put my inner self first I'm drained now and need to rest There have been too many things sent to test I'm safe just sitting in a void of time I recognise someday both you and I will be once again fine