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Isabelle Belice Poem
i'm not sure how old i was when i realized the cruelty of men
maybe it was when i was first touched
back when i thought touch equated to love
trust and faith
or maybe it was when i started growing a chest
and all the men would stare and yell
as i held my favorite disney backpack close
a barrier
maybe it was when i believed men held the capabilities of genuine friendship
before i learned they always had to take
friendship never came for free
it cost me my soul
and yet he walked away
untouched
maybe it was when i realized
all the blame i held onto my mother
hatred fueled by her supposed wrong doings of my father
her kindness and patience towards me
towards him
his quickness to bash her
was the doing of my father
the reason behind the pain of no parental guidance in my youth
maybe it was when i got into my first real relationship
quickly realizing the truths of my mothers warnings
when i gave him all my fragile mind and soul had to offer
only for the new and shiny to catch his gaze
and have his love unveil in front of my eyes
letting me crash and flame away
without a single sense of remorse
maybe it was when i still attempted to provide him with all the care one could give
without a single sense of appreciation thrown upon me
maybe it was when i realized i am nothing but a woman
only deserving of their respect when i wear crop tops and lashes
when i look my best and never at my worst
when i offer them my body as a way of thanks for their mere actions
when the benefits no longer exist for them to reap
all sense of respect and admiration disintegrates without a thought
im not sure how old i was when i realized the cruelty of men
5, 13,17,19
21,30,50
infinitely experiencing the cruelty produced
by those produced by me
and my mother
and the infinite circle of the creators of life
Copyright © Isabelle Belice | Year Posted 2023
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Isabelle Belice Poem
“your trauma doesn’t define you”
my trauma does not define me
only if i allow it to
if i allow the shadows to envelope me into their embrace
only if i allow myself to fall through their makeshift clouds
becoming a part of the world
that was created for me
from the many tears shed
from the “you never say i love you”
from the hugs never received
from the touches i couldn’t understand
from the secrets i swore to keep
only then
only then
only then will my trauma mean my name
only then
will the calling of isabelle
drive my stories through their closed drawers
forcing themselves to be seen in the light
only then do i become interchangeable
the separation of me and what was unfolded unto me
ceasing to exist
then and only then
will my trauma define me
“your trauma doesn't define you”
this i now know to be true
as my trauma is not a reflection of my accomplishments
my smile
or the laughter that rings out from my throat
when my friends are within my presence
it is not a reflection of my passions
it does not define me
who i've become
it is but a flower
one that must be treated with care
allowed to blossom and explore
but it does not create the whole bouquet
it co-exists with all the other flowers
each individual one creating a maze of colors, patterns
all equating to me
isabelle
my trauma does not define me
i win
your loss
Copyright © Isabelle Belice | Year Posted 2023
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Details |
Isabelle Belice Poem
I dont like sex
Yet I have it with you so often
This is when you caress my body the most
Hold me with such softness
Like a delicate china that could fall apart with the slightest move
You stare me into my eyes
And tell me lies
Lies that I eat up
Make me feel like the most beautiful girl god ever created
Makes me feel so loved
These are the moments where you cold demander melts away
Where I get the attention I desire from you
Without begging on my knees
This is when I feel the lightest
I close my eyes and let you soft deep whispers become my lullaby
I run away to the endless field of tulips
Where its just us
In love with the sun wrapping us in her motherly rays
But then the last few grunts make their way through my ears
Its over
You give me one final kiss
I force my eyes open and force the tears to stay at bay
I look up at you in despair
So desperate can you tell?
“Promise you love me?” “Promise you feel it again?”
You look down at me
Your eyes full of
Absolutely nothing
“Yeah baby of course”
Your mind is everywhere but here
I eat your lies up
And let this be my sole comfort for the night
For when I drive home and lay to sleep
For when I keep the thoughts
Of you being with her
At bay
For when I get asked about you
I can put on a false smile
And pretend to be okay
For when I ask myself
“Is this love?”
I can answer yes
And breathe
For another day
I dont like sex
Yet I do it with you so often
For I know these are the moments
When you love me
So desperate
I eat up your lies
-dear diary
Copyright © Isabelle Belice | Year Posted 2023
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