Dear Diary

I dont like sex Yet I have it with you so often This is when you caress my body the most Hold me with such softness Like a delicate china that could fall apart with the slightest move You stare me into my eyes And tell me lies Lies that I eat up Make me feel like the most beautiful girl god ever created Makes me feel so loved These are the moments where you cold demander melts away Where I get the attention I desire from you Without begging on my knees This is when I feel the lightest I close my eyes and let you soft deep whispers become my lullaby I run away to the endless field of tulips Where its just us In love with the sun wrapping us in her motherly rays But then the last few grunts make their way through my ears Its over You give me one final kiss I force my eyes open and force the tears to stay at bay I look up at you in despair So desperate can you tell? “Promise you love me?” “Promise you feel it again?” You look down at me Your eyes full of Absolutely nothing “Yeah baby of course” Your mind is everywhere but here I eat your lies up And let this be my sole comfort for the night For when I drive home and lay to sleep For when I keep the thoughts Of you being with her At bay For when I get asked about you I can put on a false smile And pretend to be okay For when I ask myself “Is this love?” I can answer yes And breathe For another day I dont like sex Yet I do it with you so often For I know these are the moments When you love me So desperate I eat up your lies -dear diary