THE WEIGHT OF WORDS
My life is a beautiful lie
Smiling in the daylight while crying in dark night..
Eyes are swollen but heart is broken..
Tears in my eyes, smile in my face.
Truth in my heart, lie when I say everything
Is fine as no one cares....
Pain in my heart , tears in my eyes, memories
In my brain. I am losing myself again and again..
Days are dark and night are cold
Silence surrounds me even when
Everyone around me...
After all its my life and I have to endure it all alone..
I carried grief,
an ache deep in my chest,
each breath tight,
each step heavy,
my world closing
around the hurt that stayed.
I held that pain
in my hands,
turning it over and over
as if feeling it
kept me alive.
But time flows on
and even stones soften...
edges worn down
by patient currents.
One morning,
I set the stone aside.
Not because I forgot,
not because I excused,
but because I was tired
of dragging yesterday
into each tomorrow.
Forgiveness is not
a letting go meant only for me:
it is what saved my chest,
the breath that rebounded
the sky opening above.
women were curvy and applauded for it in the forties and fifties
In the sixties, they wore pillbox hats, and Jackie O tweed suits
Twiggy was introduced as the one we were to emulate soon after
she had measurements like my own twenty, twenty, twenty
she must have subsisted on a teaspoon of cereal a day
maybe two peanuts and a sprinkle of juice
I am sure she was not allowed a whole apple
this is when teens began trying to starve themselves
I know because I was one of them
thinking I was enormously fat at one hundred and eight pounds.
Our name is spoken carefully
Like it can break in someone's mouth
No one forgets it
No one says it without meaning
This name was not given
It was carried
Through storms
Inside the pockets of the frightened and the brave
It doesn't matter if it was mispronounced
Until the syllables bled
It doesn't matter if it feels heavier
Than the shoulders meant to bear it
This name is key
This name is a mirror
This name is a debt no one can repay
And when we sign it
Or whisper it
Or echo it from someone who knew us
The air shifts
Something remembers
YOU’RE NO FRIEND OF MINE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh scale! You’re no friend of mine
a constant reminder of the weight I desire
You whisper secrets in my unwilling ear,
of all that's lacking, a never-ending quest for perfection.
Your numbers dance upon your face so bright,
a dizzying maze of digits that confound and confuse.
I resist your grasp, your hold so tight,
for in your depths, I see only an endless fight.
I see a battle to conform, to fit the mold,
to sacrifice my soul, my heart, my internal gold.
Oh, scale you’re no friend of mine, I cry,
for you’re cold and calculating with your digital truth.
You ignore the beauty of imperfection, the charm of flaws,
the uniqueness that makes my spirit unique.
You see only the surface, not my heart,
a shallow reflection of my beauty within.
Oh, scale! You’re no friend of mine.
Simple Weight
I dropped my killick deep into the bay,
not made of iron, but of gathered stone,
and a dead branch lashed tight to keep it whole,
to hold me while the tide turned on its way.
It settled in the mud, a simple weight,
where tiny crabs might skitter and explore,
a humble thing to keep me from the shore,
a promise that I would not drift away.
I watched the water's skin grow hard and gray,
and held the breath I didn't know I'd held.
The line went slack at last, a sudden give.
The tide had shifted and the stone broke free,
and somewhere on the bottom, it was lost.
My simple anchor, set for me to live,
had found a place to rest, a final cost.
And I began to move, a slow release,
as currents pushed me out toward open sea.
I left the killick to its endless peace,
and drifted, finally, with no need to live
within the limits I had set for me.
Copying the success tale of myth
He moved ahead to the orphan green
A vast forest of fast opportunity
Display was of lovely frames
A sound of track with hustling cracks
He relied on relief of hacks
A cozy kinder of lightning trail
He chose one precious gift alright!
The talks begin to amplify
The words became the works over night
A close choice of heartly fellow
Sincere attack of pain and sorrow
It's the might of the fairy forest
He decided a lack of theory worlds
The maniac he was, he survived
Avalanche of hypnotizing eye
Restless body still moves freely
A part of him stays in the forest
the weight of a life
between a feather and a soul
the weight of life
two lithium batteries
920 grams
Like Marley's admonitions
I fear my burdensome chains.
They have been labored on, yet,
do I bear their weight gladly,
or ~ reluctantly.
And, if the chains were to break free,
would I drift in freedom or terror?
Still, wondering if the Killick's stones
had finally given up on me...
Isn't it irony that wishes tossed to
what we cannot see, mean often more
than the reach of familiarity, and
the stones that held us before,
we wish would set us free?
Freedom has no peace without
an anchor in the hold ~
nor a knife to slice the line?...
Call me what you will
but no my name's not 'Bill'
so don't be such a silly billy
as to think I am a 'Willy'
and tho' you may say
“Here's what's his name'
to me it's all
one and the same
yet as I'm losing too much weight
have the need to feed
and don't dare be much thinner
I have one task to ask of you
please don't wait hesitate
or call me late for dinner
I’ve dragged my knuckles through shards of glass,
let my veins write psalms in crimson mass.
I’ve spat my prayers at a deaf, black sky,
daring God to answer — or watch me die.
I’ve kissed the barrel of regret’s cold grin,
slept beside ghosts in my hollow skin.
Burned my bridges for a spark of heat,
choked on the smoke when I couldn’t breathe.
I’ve cursed my name ‘til my throat turned raw,
etched the silence into every scar.
Loved too deeply, hated harder —
watched the darkness pull me farther.
I’ve seen angels fall and demons pray,
felt joy turn to rust, hope decay.
Heard laughter echo inside my chest,
then wither to sobs I couldn’t confess.
But through the ruin, through the ash,
through the weight I swore would always last,
your faces rose — my one salvation,
my light, my blood, my foundation.
?
Dedication
To my wife — my harbour in every storm.
To my mum and dad — the hands that held me up when I fell.
To my daughters — my breath, my fight, my reason.
In the silence after the screams,
it is your love that echoes loudest.
Son of Man, pause before judgment's seat,
Lest haste consume your soul's retreat.
Do what's right, yet don't waste precious time,
For pleasing all is a futile rhyme.
In seeking validation, you may lose your way,
And those you please will mock you on your final day.
Marry with wisdom, don't borrow to impress,
For pleasing others can lead to financial distress.
You can't please all, not even those you love,
Do little things that bring joy from above.
Take care of yourself, find happiness true,
For in your joy, others will find joy anew.
Beware of three: the young, the old, the weak,
For lies can bind you, and freedom you may seek.
Heed this advice, a treasure rare and true,
Worth more than gold, and wisdom shining through.
Don’t crown yourself solid
If your loyalty only echoes in empty rooms,
Spoken loud but hollow,
Like a drum with no rhythm,
Like a prayer with no soul.
Keep your promises like weapons—
Clean, sharp,
Loaded with intention,
Ready to be drawn when the world tests your name.
Not just drawn,
But fired with conviction.
Because trust is a fragile beast—
Once wounded, it limps,
Once broken, it dies.
And when someone learns
That your word is just smoke—
That your vows float,
Untethered from action,
Detached from meaning—
Then you, too, become weightless.
No matter how strong your voice sounds,
If your integrity whispers lies,
You will vanish in silence,
Forgotten not by accident—
But by design.
So be solid not in noise,
But in stillness that speaks.
Be the echo that returns
Because it had substance to begin with.
Be the promise that never had to shout—
Because it never broke.
I sit alone beneath the sky,
Uncle, thinking of your last goodbye,
The world feels heavy, dreams unclear,
With every step, I carry fear.
Graduation looms - so close, so wide,
But doubt and worry walk beside.
You always knew just what to say…
I wish you could be here today
I walk dangling, a puppet in a shadow-play,
Dragging along old strings I can't unravel.
Tied to the scars and promises I've made,
Along the way to get here as, I am.
The strings on limbs, twitch my intentions,
Wrenching my will to veer their way — not mine.
My heart aches, knowing who's pulling the strings,
But there is too much at stake to sever them.
How can I choose, when I’m snared this way,
Bridled, and bound to strings I can't reject.
I'm a puppet twofold - I can't cut the strings.
Some knots held tight through joy and pain,
Others snapped, then retied themselves again.
I am swayed by the grief required to end this thing
Locked and bound underneath the weight of strings.
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