I thought of you, one night my darling,
As I was laying in my bed.
And as I often do, my darling,
I conjured you, inside my head.
I lingered, oh, how I lingered,
On the image, of your smile, your face.
But more than that, my precious darling,
I found myself, dreaming, of a place.
One that we, would share together,
Living so happily, and so free.
I tried to dream this dream forever,
But alas, this could not be.
So I laid there, cold, and unfeeling.
A state I’d come to know quite well.
But that night, it was so different.
Something touched me, then began to swell.
I felt a tightness in my stomach,
I felt it rise up to my chest.
I could lay in bed no longer.
It was impossible to rest.
A pain, had never been more striking.
A hurt, had never felt so real.
I didn’t find it to my liking,
Despite, how long I’d wished to feel.
I was so tired of the dullness.
I longed to feel, if just to hurt.
I desired those painful memories,
Of our love so true, and yet so curt.
They say, be careful what you wish for.
I learned then, just what they mean,
I came to know, just then, my darling,
That I would forever stay unseen.
a shriek,
a high-pitched scream echoed against the walls,
lightning flashed,
thunder rumbled deep and hard into my chest.
pain,
tightness,
ache,
sorrow.
it cannot be real, this is not happening, I cannot believe it.
to never again see,
talk,
hug,
love on,
joke,
dance.
our son was –
our only boy was –
our eldest child was –
our headache was –
our heart was –
our angel is –
forever 26.
Surviving This Thing Called Life
Anxiety coils in my chest,
A tightness I can’t name,
Whispers of doubt,
Cold fingers tracing my every breath.
Fear crouches at my doorstep,
A shadow that never leaves
It waits, it listens,
It tells me I am not enough.
Worries like a river,
Constant, unyielding,
Carrying me to shores
I never meant to reach.
I try to trust the world,
But the echoes of betrayal
Ring in my ears,
Each step a question,
Each smile a mask.
I am trying
Trying to find the balance
Between hope and survival,
Between wanting more
And fearing the worst.
I wake each day
And hold on to the smallest things:
A breath, a moment of calm,
A laugh that breaks through the fog.
I remind myself
I have survived this far,
With trembling hands
And a heart that still beats.
I am learning
That it is okay to be afraid,
That even the fiercest storms
Can break against a soul
That refuses to be drowned.
This life
This endless, aching life
It asks me to keep going,
And I do.
I do,
Even when it hurts.
I look down through the trees
Women in jogging suits pretending they like their tightness
Traveling along with speed, their tennis shoes flying
Men in hot business suits not daring to loosen their ties
They are here to eat a quick sandwich, wondering why they had not stayed inside
I can see the tops of people’s heads
Some of these women need to die their hair better
Two of them have white patches in the back
I guess that is better than bald spots
But wait, are they women or men?
It is not easy to decipher which from this vantage point
I dive down and grab a bread crumb off a bench
The old thing next to me is startled
Was that a man or woman?
Hard to say when you are a crow
My heart beats quite steady firm tightness my jaw sore as I await the infamous cardiovascular disorder to finally finish me off while the rhythm of my heart requires ongoing medication that allows my blood not to clot causing lots of bruises frightful panic attacks keeping me awake at night totally affecting my DAYTIME SLEEP APNEA how do I stay awake barely watching the echo machine carry the beat of my heart o er to the harmonic waiting area I'm only by a thread held together by medication regiment staying alive after two strokes and a heart attack I should be dead already an yet I'm here breathing by nebulizer pumps sprays I'm alive I'm here by a thread surviving just to live just to feel the echo of my Heart beating
It is addictive.
Used to it
like the wicked bitter pills
that one swallows to numb the pain,
to block the feelings.
Lethargic yet nerve-wracking;
A tightness in the chest that
never goes away.
Faint, throbbing, persistent.
It is inherent to me.
the salinity of an ocean of tears,
the chaos of a storm wrecked ship,
the thorns of a lonely cactus.
Never clears away by itself.
Haunting like monsters,
nauseating like rotten hopes,
Appalling like oblivion,
Repulsive like nightmares.
One drinks it,
Slowly.
Like the morning cup of coffee,
Bitter, gone cold.
Yet addictive.
Mine alone.
-Ree
Elbow to elbow tightness like a can of sardines in water
Every year
A new number emerges
and my body feels
the tightness
or is it the tightness
of my clothes
as I enjoy
too much birthday celebration?
- in those moments, it shines.
The nostalgia of an upside down
world glinting up through hourglasses of years,
a mark impressed upon flesh; a scar harbouring
simple childhood games inside a jagged
line now faded. Occasionally it flares,
reddens from a twist of skin uncomfortable,
or in the tightness of early morning dressing;
the twinge acts as an echo, a ripple, a call from
back then, years ago, an era lost like sand
through fingers sweaty from summer heat,
lemonade with ice cubes clinking. The scar,
the mark, that narrow margin of error, a
Faultline physical memory running like a border
along my skin. And you were there, holding my hand
- in those moments, it shines.
growing pains...
and so she grew,
because that’s what we all do.
she reminded herself that
her body
is her vessel.
it does more than just
exist
for a compliment,
for a boy,
for a mirror
or for a photo.
she told herself that her size,
and the tightness of her clothes
were not indicators of failure.
the fullness of her belly,
would never determine her worth
she found comfort in words like these.
yet she never,
not once
had to self assure
when her pants hung loose
or her stomach yearned for food,
when her waist curved inwards rather than out
not once,
not ever.
I wrote this poem for a friend who is struggling with anxiety, depression and a host of life challenges.
So many people are struggling right now. Let's be kind and try to show compassion and understanding. Let's be gentle with each other.
Hugs, love and light.
Be stardust and magic unleashed
By Michelle Morris
16/09/2023
You're struggling
Feeling trapped in your anxiety
The dark cloak of depression
Has tried to smother your happiness
But we are not born for Darkness
We are born for the Light
Made from stardust and magic
We are miracles so bright
Your destiny is unfolding
You do have choices for your path
Let the sun wrap warmth around you
And blast away the Darkness
Feel the tightness leave your chest
Feel your soul soar on angel wings
Embrace your power and greatness
Be stardust and magic unleashed
© Michelle Morris, 2023
I have this inkling feeling each time before i break
a tightness in my chest, i swallow air
and each time i want to discard every piece of you i own
but i forget, forget, forget
i close it off, i just don’t think about it
and silently i let you barge in on my space
and ask for more
all you do is ask for more
then good days turn into bad days
and all my good poetry turns into bad poetry
now i’m standing in the shower thinking over my day
you didn’t do anything but disappoint me
i didn’t get a lot of birthday wishes this year
nor did my grandma send me the right book
but i wasn’t upset, cause there was always you
not anymore, i guess
at least not the way i want it
you make a point of walking over me and then wiping your feet
and i make a point of breaking down and crying like a little kid
and i don’t know how to say that i want to go alone
since you’ll follow me anywhere
but i need you to stop being attached
attached to me, your punching bag
Most things that taste good are bad for you the true
Nutrients is the closeness to the wrongness now aloof
When you swallow the truth and glorifies you
It brings you closer to the essence of life truth
GOOD TASTE FIT RIGHT TRUTH-aloof
Now those things that are fitting for you conform
And fit on you they don't just fall and hang loosely on you
Like a drape hanging down and the tightness there is
It's the embrace of there is a molding a bonding aloof
The truth finds his way when you're loose
GOOD TASTE FIT RIGHT TRUTH-aloof
Now if it tastes good and it looks good doesn't mean it's good
And if it sounds good doesn't mean it should be ever good
You see the only good in me is the God in Me
So if I walk away is He still abide in me
If He takes HIS breath away I am no longer alive
nah my true essence I'm a vapor I just went poof
GOOD TASTE FIT RIGHT TRUTH-aloof
7/11/23
Written words by James Edward Lee Sr © 2023
Anger sets in, deep in the mind.
Amygdala fires up, logic becomes blind.
Tightness of chest, muscles tensing, preparing for fight or flight.
Anger sets in, deep in the mind.
Thoughts crash and topple trying to find.
Scrambling to make sense, to rationalise!
Eyes widen, jaw stiffens as adrenaline flies!
Anger sets in, deep in the mind.
Darkness is craved from the logical side.
Trying to find somewhere to hide.
Quiet needed now to temper the mind.
Alone with yourself but of a different kind.
Anger sets in, deep in the mind.
Rage containment, holding back the tide.
Sitting still, of warring will to contain the anger inside.
Draining strength to cool the blazing fire.
When anger sets in, deep in the mind.
my friend is awake
we watch snow melt as it falls on the concrete outside.
"well, another season" is what he says.
they come and go here - he will be gone by the end of the year.
i am sad that the snow melts so quickly on the concrete.
it lasts longer on grass,
but i do not see much of that.
"roll up!" they tell me.
god damnit.
i gather my things and put them into two mesh laundry bags.
i try to ignore a tightness in my chest
and uneasiness in my joints.
they need the space for someone else.
they do not tell me to where i am being sent
and i try to convince myself that it does not matter.
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