Becoming my own essence that quest,
of marked candid introspection,
a disposition to embark on,
recondite global.bold voyage,
jettison vacuous self-distrust,
that sabotaging virus veneer,
I once did sanction as odious habit,
for protracted periods at first blush,
phases I squandered, lost tally of,
so immaterial to core perception
The force of desire
stalks the very boundary
of my confidence.
In simple wanting
do I trespass on taboo?
How will I then learn?
Even in fantasy
my corrosive self-distrust
twists erotic vision.
I drive me crazy
- there's no hiding or help
for dark self distrust.
Frightening whispers
are like a levied tax of
doubt about my choices.
Anticipations
dulled on anxieties rough shore
- best to keep them deep.
Do I seem alone? Well, I'm not.
*whispering* "I have my retinue".
They're here, to tarnish accomplishments
with pointless debate and circular arguments.
Inviting trouble, self-distrust and cheerlessness.
The posse of negative voices that live in my mind.
Do I seem alarmed? Maybe not but I am though.
*whispering* "I'm conjuring the worst case scenario".
My teen brain is coursing - with cognitive distortion.
What's meant to keep me safe is magnifying the vague
into landslides of irrational outcomes, ill-defined.
This entourage of catastrophic thinking in my mind.
So if I seem flaky - i'm sorry - you see I'm really busy
fighting the urgent vandals in my mind.
If I seem overly emotional it isn't something personal
I'm fighting my way thru this noise the whole time.
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