The Hearts Game - in the Style of Edward Lear's Jumblies
I
Dave looks at his email. There he sees
An invitation from Clark.
It looks like today, we’ll all have a game,
And, hopefully, this week won’t be the same,
And to victory he’ll embark.
What a wonderful day it will be
As Dave’s the winner for all to see,
And Jerry will play a little faster,
And Gilbert’s plans end in disaster.
Saturday at six, it starts
As we begin our bold crusades.
All of us long for the Jack of Hearts,
But we get the Queen of Spades.
II
Clark wakes up and he’s ready to go,
And the Chiefs have won their game.
He’s graded all the incompetent work
Turned in by every knucklehead jerk.
The championship, he hopes to claim.
He’ll pass Gilbert a bunch of junk
To fix his hand, ‘cuz at first it stunk.
He’ll decide whether to shoot the moon
And reveal his plans with a trial balloon.
Saturday at six, it starts
As we begin our bold crusades.
All of us long for the Jack of Hearts,
But we get the Queen of Spades.
III
Jerry’s set to go, and he’s had his joe,
So, he’ll have to stop and pee,
And also to make more coffee grinds,
And, when it gets dark, close his blinds,
As the path to glory, he can see.
He takes the time to carefully think,
But a Downey man’s fortune can change in a blink,
As each and every one of us duck,
And Jerry roars, “[this distribution’s bad luck]”.
Saturday at six, it starts
As we begin our bold crusades.
All of us long for the Jack of Hearts,
But we get the Queen of Spades.
IV
Gilbert’s mic works and he’s alert.
Kim Jong Un hasn’t dropped a bomb.
He’s the champ. Does not everyone dread
The man the guru rates eight hunDRED?
He will have this game in his palm.
He still recalls cards that were played.
He’s still young and his brain hasn’t yet decayed.
Good as he his, one thing he does lack
And that is a heart who calls himself Jack.
Saturday at six, it starts
As we begin our bold crusades.
All of us long for the Jack of Hearts,
But we get the Queen of Spades.
Copyright ©
David Crandall
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