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Scrounging For Boogers Wrought My Damn Nostrils Nearly To Bust
Scrounging for boogers wrought my damn nostrils nearly to bust
My humblest apology if the following account
doth gross thee out forlorn childhood of mine
found further ostracization of me tantamount
being shipped off to a leprosarium.
As a chronic gold digger in early grade school,
specifically within nasal passages, I excelled at
locating awesome gooey gems. The pinky seemed
most opportune for button nose of mine as most
convenient handy implement to mine for juicy
succulent wads of yuck. Early academic ex pear
re: ants helped refine delicate art of reaching
pitch perfect snot. This individual craft essentially
entails extensive dexterity in conjunction with
recognizing ideal picking time. If one plunges
the little finger prematurely, nothing but a glob
of gook will dribble out. Best to wait until rock
hard sensation felt when applying pressure to
either nostril. The consistency of rock candy the
best analogy for this other than tasteful habit
instinctively learned when being housed in the
womb. Upon birth one or more phalanges often
solidly locked where mucus generated. This
common medical condition frequently requires
delicate intervention (usually minor surgery)
to separate glued gummy intertwined proboscis
with fleshy mitts. As a natural born miner for
the most moist and choice septum byproduct,
this man as one gangly whipper snapper mastered
the art of sifting thru the sinus cavity to extricate
boulder sized buggies wrote the book on this
ole factory chews. Unlike many other young
children who fancied this fun hunt for crusty
crab cakes like formations as delectable treats,
this grown man chose to paste them on under
side of his desk. No particular strategy for affix
sing goop upon the underneath section of old
fashion unit (whereby the top opened up and
provided a dish like formation to store materials)
motivated this daily cultivating for ripe buggies.
Within very few months, the front most section
became quite thick with wads of buggies that
quickly hardened into scaly coating displeasing
even to my high tolerance for gross. Since no
preliminary measure took place to map out
where to place the collection of daily glob,
inevitable contact took place with aging dried
buggies that felt like molting shells of insects.
Nightmares eventually took place incorporating
this scary goblin like creature (usually dripping
lugi with mossy slime), which sought out his
insatiable hunger for buggies. In these dreams,
I tended to be honored with razor sharp fangs
and dagger type fingernails. The latter came
in particular service to probe my pinocchio-
sized smeller with amazing ease to scrape
practically to the brain (and perhaps some
grey matter did get unintentionally removed)
to appease the buggy monster. Soon after wake
king up in a start from this nightmare (when
outsize still pitchblack), a blurry image seemed
to dart thru away leaving soggy footprints
closely resembling phlegm!
Copyright ©
Matthew Harris
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