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The head talk

Rising panic
I hate that feeling
Where I displaced logic and reason
Talk to a friend
No I can't do that
Think about how someone else feels
I can't, I can't - I'm in free wheel
Articulate what makes you fret
I can't, I don't know about that
Where are you now? Ask for help!
I can't - I don't deserve the space
You don't deserve anything
You attention seeking lying swine
Shut up words that found their way in
I can't break, please - not again
Just talk and it will be ok
I can't I don't trust anyone today
Look at all the frauds around
They mock feeble minded like me
You've never been a fool before
Well daily I feel like one more and more
I'm walking the dog, crying in pain
But there's nothing wrong so no one can take it away
I'm so ashamed of how I find myself
Writing when I need to shout
My battery now is getting low
The work day began 5 minutes ago
I'll wipe away tears and click into place
But I'm going downhill at a steady pace
I don't know if there was a time it was better
Or I'd just switched modes to wait
I see myself standing still, headstone ready, no pearly gate
Back to the epitaph writing self
I'm proud of that if nothing else
The outside has good reason to be smug
But the inside screams it's not enough
There's a part of me unexpressed
Causing havoc, badly dressed
Like a pinball racking up points
Where - I don't know - opposite place a pinball should be, where noise is a problem
Battery dictates I end this here
Spilling my guts on the floor
Feeling better for it
Maybe I have a gut excess
No wonder I'm always in a mess
Invisible operating room
Where nobody comes to close the wound

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