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Silent Cries and Agoraphobia
I remember feeling so empty the abuse had escalated after four hurricanes witnessing a murder horrific traumatic brain injury I was now uprooted leaving my beautiful home in Fort Myers Florida at the behest of my abuser relocated to his hometown and was I in for the worse part of what this marriage was to me realizing better wouldn't come not here by this time I was emotionally mentally crippled depending solely on my abuser I couldn't drive and I suffered from severe anxiety disorder panic attacks depression agoraphobia that kelp me from leaving the house so I stayed in the room panting or running a bath screaming tears so no one would hear my cries I was ashamed of my disability it wasn't understood especially for a young mom who realized I'd witnessed the plotting my ex husbands both working for the same arsonist resulting in 9
murder from 1984 to 1998 my wearing wires pregnant for the FBI buying weapons and drugs fearing for mine and my kids safety we I landed Wisconsin my husbands hometown and Ciro Gargano hometown where everyone knows your name and nobody really cared about domestic violence victims the kids and I were lost pent up afraid when I realized my ex was hiding something so sinister that killing me was quite valid after he attacks his entire family Xmas eve 1620 53nd st I remember the first arson was Xmas eve this was an in house hit on my life after all these years my husband he was under the strict orders of Ciro Gargano in hiding lay waiting orders my husband to control me with fear and domestic violence they needed my silence I was living with my hitman orders from an arson murderer his accomplice I was literally
trapped plane tickets sent fax by the state department however
this repeat female offender was so jealous my ex spent her bday in tampa
so I could testify she slandered my family these men were bitter enraged needing to silence me completely it was clear Gargano had city officials in his pocket who would harm me and the children after returning from a 1 day trip the murder trial April to 1620 53rd packed relocated from 1620 53rd just the kids and I way across town next to cheers a local pub a book store tackle shop near the lake awaiting a new baby we were finally healing it was the 1st of May my disabled sons birthday mothers day month and the birth of my granddaughter my husband had moved in back of the building in his own tiny little apartment he shared with his Mexican drug manufacturer violent offender on 17th street who always slandered my
children and I with false allegations every time she went back and forth to prison she'd slandered my family because she was with my husband they were both apart of the same gangster disciples cult on 17th street I'd reported gang threats to the gang taskforce she too was one of his cult gang leader from the Wisconsin womans prison over twenty violent drug convictions this cult is very vicious the 17th street GD leaders included my husband from his tiny apartment he shared with this Mexican female repeat violent offenders it's amazing how abuse of power allow violent offenders to slander domestic violence victims and get out of jail free violent offenders given free pass to slander my children and I in order to help my abuser at any rate my ex was away from us with visitation to take our son for football practice which quickly ended with my son afraid crying running to
my home all the way across town after he saw his dad smoking Crack startled him it was then the judge made sure he stayed with me from that point away from his dad place on 17th and hell on earth I lived in fear total fear in the red house by the lake an indigent single mom on a small disability income but we were blessed to have therapist who provided family support until my ex affair with abuse of power behind a desk she began slandering me target my children and I helping my abuser my cries grew more silent his roar grew louder until my cries were no longer heard our abuser was now king of the forest knocking us down yelling punching holes in the walls slamming my daughters head against the wall punching my brain injury son in the head knocking him unconscious trying to break my arm spamming my body into walls actually tried to throw me out a window the
cops removed him but he had abuse of power slandering me targeting me falsifying documents bullying me because I didn't have a voice only bruises emotionally crippled afraid to leave my home afraid of my own shadow afraid of crowds I screamed but only when the bath water was running I just cried in silence as his demon roars down 17th street I suffered in silence with vertigo unable to leave the house until one day on my way to mass I lost my balance fell down a flight of stairs it was a vertigo attack it's when you feel like you're on a ledge the ground seems to raise up well I lost my balance reached for a banister that wasn't there fracture my hip pelvis on bedrest raising kids and a grand my church family embraced me as I tried to heal I couldn't walk crawling out of bed trying to make tea my ex was still out there roaring trying to find us angry I finally fled my
gifted genius son an architectural engineer designing pools for YMCA designing kitchens on Navy ships designing affordable housing shops on the riverwalk in Tampa designing a private Island in Coco cay Virgin Island when he was a little boy wiping my tears he always vowed to grow up and take care of his mom I was so broken he came to save me from my abuse taking me to doctors surgery brain injury care sleep studies therapist why even doing my laundry today my cries are heard throughout the galaxy so many women living in silence that female repeat severe violent offender was convicted 4 yrs for stabbing five people instead of me what a beautiful blessing from God I'm so blessed I never look back at the abuse of power that controlled my domestic violence slandering me and helping my abuser I just write Thanks be to God
SAFE
Copyright ©
Yolanda Nicholsen
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