Dear You
Dear You,
I’m sorry. Apologies are stupid, I don’t know why I wrote one. I thought over a bunch of things. Sorry, I’ll cut straight to the point.
Sorry for not talking with you and calling you recently. It’s not you, it’s me. I just don’t know how to speak and face you like before, I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I want to call you but I don’t know if I can communicate properly, I’m scared of talking. I don’t play a lot of games and we don’t have similar interests anymore, I don’t know how to talk, joke, and laugh. Calling people scares me, and I’m scared of wasting your time again. I have a bad habit of doing something back to someone whenever they annoy me. Sorry for ignoring a lot of your texts, I just want my topic to get heard before we move on. I’m sorry for the short replies, I’ll be sure to find more words to use when I don’t know how to reply. I’m sorry.
I realized you were distancing, maybe I was just too scared to let you go. But perhaps if we weren’t friends anymore, you might be able to get better. I want you to be happy and live your life to the fullest, I don’t think I can imagine my life without you but if you can get better, I’d be okay with you ghosting me, unfriending me, blocking me, or anything. We can end this friendship, it doesn’t have to be an obligation, I don’t want our friendship to feel like a chore you must keep doing. If me and you, not being friends anymore makes you better, then yeah, I would be all okay with that.
It’ll hurt but I’ll live, I can learn how to laugh at my own jokes more, or somehow find a friend to text them to instead of you, even if it doesn’t feel the same, I can learn how to stop thinking about you every night, I can learn to not look for our months or our initials in those Tiktok slideshows. I can suppress my habit of texting you every day, I can suppress my worries about you. We can forget each other and I would be all okay with that. As long as you’re happier, healthier, living better.
You changed my life positively, you lent me your sight so I could tell you about the things I’ve been feeling, and you lent me your will to start a Google Doc just because I’m too shy to vent to someone directly. If our friendship is really leading yours in a decline, I’m sorry. You don’t have to keep this letter, it feels too cringey, but I just thought I wanted to let you know about everything.
I love you.
– me
Copyright ©
Miyo Wu
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