The Emperor's Reply
Why weren't any of the great emperors, or even those of lesser renown, enticed to acquire such a rich piece of land in the East? There aren’t much of historical archives shedding light on the subject, but it is possible that events could unfold in this way – Plutarch could have expounded this legend far more colourfully than your humble servant. A Roman emperor receives an ambassador from one of the eastern countries, who inclines him to conquer the neighbouring land. The Emperor finds the plan reasonable, so during the conversation he decides to invade the eastern lands of the barbarians, in particular to prevent their possible aggression against Rome. However, the problem is that the climate in these lands requires fur garments; otherwise, the valiant Roman legionaries would think only about how to get warm, hence will be unable to fight. Our country, the ambassador reported, are ready to solve this problem, they can sell the Romans excellent fur coats, for a small sum of money. However, the sum seems exorbitant, and the emperor refuses the ambassador. The next day the emperor is informed about the envoy from the barbarians, and he receives the barbarian in his chambers. I am aware of your intentions, my great emperor, says the barbarian, and I am prepared to arrange a deal on fur coats at half the price offered to you, as you can buy the required amount of fur coats directly from us. Although I myself am a barbarian, I have a Roman mentality, my great emperor, and I sincerely wish you to conquer our lands to establish your Roman law and order over there. When I read your laws, I just cried with happiness, how much justice and wisdom they conceive. There is no need to drink wine, just read a page of your laws and I feel groggy with delight. I'm sure all the powerful barbarians will accept your rule without question and praise your wisdom in their prayers. So, shall we make a bargain, great emperor? ‘No!’ followed the cold reply. 'I refuse to make a deal, and I see no point in wasting energy on conquering your lands. Once we conquer you, we will gradually become as conniving, vile, cynical, and vengeful cunnings as you are. That is not the future I want for Greater Rome. So get out, Mr Barbarian. Thank you so much for your wisdom and time, my great emperor, the barbarian says. You’ve given me exactly the answer I expected to hear.
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Gregory Colodub
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