Let's Catch Up
I think it's been too long since we had a heart-to-heart. I can feel that innocent child's anger and it's tearing you apart. You thought I forgot to help you get well, and away from pain, but I promise I did not. I have just been consumed with anger and sadness. I have been so bitter about where we came from and all the past trauma that’s happened. I didn't realize that those scars would build tough tissue, and sometime in the future our barrier will weaken and all that trauma you hid, will just hit you.
So a wall we are at and this time we can't go around. We need to figure out how I let you down. I don't know the right way to start this quest, but I will not just sit back and let us take these poundings to the chest. We don't deserve to suffer in silence, alone. We are worth company, love, and laughter amongst many other feelings little you forgot we knew.
We are not bad, yes we have used ill words rash. No excuses for the things we yelled out of anger with loudness and crass. I promise I won't fail us, but we need to understand why I keep getting put back into an eight-year-old's mind. This must be about the day we decided we were not smart enough, and would never be the brightest.
You have to know, that those words were never supposed to prevent your future growth. Unknowingly, I stunted so much and caused pain without even knowing I took an invalid oath. Our words carried weight, and we lugged it around. It's time to put that sack of fear of failure on the ground. You are worth more than what you carry around.
I should have hugged you more instead of putting you down. You can be a carefree child, you don't have to be on edge. You don't need to listen to the negative voice that enters your head. You don't know something until you do, stop beating yourself up for things that were never taught to you.
You are a bright and shining star, your family may not be perfect but love them for who they are. We are all just trying to find our way, I hope you know I will always be here to support you and I encourage you to finally be free today. I love you, little girl, it's time to be a child and play.
Copyright ©
Sierra Ma
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