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Immature
Childish.
Clingy.
Needy.
Immature.
All things describing me.
All things people find annoying.
All things my love has found a nuisance.
I try to not be overwhelming.
I try not to be overbearing.
But sometimes I can’t help it.
I feel safe.
I feel protected.
I feel at home with him.
It feels secure enough to act childish.
I thought it was fine.
I thought he didn’t mind.
Until he said I need to change.
Until he said I need to “act like the public.”
Until he thought I couldn’t be mature.
I know how to act properly around adults.
I know how to be mature.
Why did he say that?
I thought he knew I could be responsible.
But he thinks I’m immature…
He thinks I have to change…
Not around him, he said.
But around others…
He doesn’t know I have to mirror.
He doesn’t know I forget my own personality sometimes,
all because of mirroring others so much.
To be “normal.”
To be “like the public.”
I thought it was safe…
I thought I was protected…
I thought it was ok to let myself be…
I was wrong.
Now I don’t know what to do.
Now I feel stupid.
Annoying.
Childish.
Needy.
Immature.
Copyright ©
Eli Arendel
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