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the game to play

Ever present
Is the feeling of isolation
In this midnight city of mass millions
You admit, you have pride
You can stand independently
With confidence
Dancing in the light
But you have to admit
You detest it as well
Who ever wants to be alone
Whatever can I be doing wrong
To not be desired
Of company
To not be longed for
Tis a shame to feel this way
For many a moons,
One strides by none
Try as you may,
Nothing seems to be of reach
For much to be a fallin out of my fingers
Masks ever present on every one
Lie to your face
Talk behind your back
Disregarded once they’re done
Come begging for more
Once they’re in need
The moment you’re gone
The moment is gone
Miss your shot
Your chance is done
Measuring your self worth everyday
Seems like it’s going down an
All time low
Not recognizing one’s own
Exclusivity is poison
Overbearing thoughts
Clouding one’s insight
To what is the actual reality
Overthinking every single word
Every action you took
The little girl sitting alone
At the cafeteria
The shy and quiet one
Always lugging around books
The ever crier
Ever the follower, never the leader
Suppose everything leads back to this
Once it’s done
Never forgotten
Seems like all they do is
Keep leavin
But I will
Always remember
The ones who stayed
The ones who spoke of the truth
When I deserved it
Not because they supposed
My feelings would be hurt
The ones who tried
The ones who know
When I’m laughing on the outside
To be only crying on the inside
But the ones that left
I’ll remember
To never trust
To never give my heart to
To never speak my entirety of truth
To only be used for their benefit
I may have my silly perks
May not be the brightest tool in the box
But own the intelligence for where it counts
As if no one understands or sees
But only see the stupidity that is me
For a dancer to be clumsy
Is a joke
For a model with no fashion sense
Is a joke
For a singer with no pitch
Is a joke
Am I a joke to you
I may not be as bold
To speak what I desire
In coherence
But I know
When I am made the fool
I sigh
All’s good and mighty
But nothing is ever forgotten
I may play the weak
But I play the strongest when it counts
No one’s game to play
Am I

Copyright © shimokini the abendrot poet