There's this nasty lady living right
by ours
A cranky old mare holed up next to our house
Her garden is minging and her blinds
are a lot worse
She acts dead weird, I reckon she's proper mental
Her knees are knobby and her walk is
a bit wonky
The foreign woman next door has no right to be here
She doesn't fit in so she stays out of sight
She has no mates, always mutters to herself
We want her out, she's not one of us
Let's egg her house for a laugh and scare the pants off her
So they pelted my door with rotten eggs then posted dog poo through the mail slot
While I remained quiet as a dormouse
and prayed they would just let me be
The natives glozed over their mean deeds
And claimed they meant no offense
My hands were tied, what with being odd man out
So I chose to feign indifference, and passed the baton to the Gods of karma
While I laid back to feast on a larger slice
Of this local brand of hospitality
Early alarm,
Set for the same time each day.
I awaken and stumble through the dark.
Eyes adjust,
Slowly opening and focusing.
I walk down the hall and hear the dog bark.
“Okay, okay”,
I hear myself whisper,
But audible enough for her to hear.
I open the door.
Quickly she runs.
Her business done, she comes back here.
Shower now,
Quickly and quietly.
No need to awaken the rest in the house.
Brush my teeth,
Then I shave.
Still trying to stay quiet as a dormouse.
Completely dressed,
Place a kiss
Gently upon my wife’s face, without a peep.
In the hall,
Walking to the door,
Going to work and my family’s still asleep.
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