thirty-five years ago, I worked in the Chicago School System
I was a substitute teacher for a mere four months
I had forgotten about it
Believe it or not they hunted me down
I have no idea how
Sent me a letter
there is money in a retirement account for me
do I want it?
Of course.
no clue how much it is
Am I willing to get the paperwork notarized to release the funds?
I don’t have anything else planned.
The offer said I had a CHANCE to win
a two-week trip--with all expenses paid--
to Scotland. Here’s the list of stringent rules
that followed (I then closed my eyes and prayed):
“to wear a kilt and dance the Highland Fling
before a crowd at local talent shows;
to memorize “Tam Lin” and then go sing
before a Celtic judge who’s strict and knows
his comments come across as forceful blows;
to list these: findings of LNIB*,
most famous castles tourists rush to see,
two hundred facts from Scottish history,
five reasons why I think you should choose ME
as winner of this two-week trip—for FREE!
To prove compliance, fill out these ten forms,
and have them notarized. Submit them all
within two weeks, assuring you MAY be
the ONE who goes to Scotland in the fall!”
So, did I soon declare, “I can’t abide
by such demanding rules” and toss aside
that offer? NO! I now announce with pride
trip preparations are well underway.
I’ll pack that kilt that helped me to convey
my wish to go to Scotland—and not pay!
*Loch Ness Investigation Bureau (1962-1972)
March 26, 2021
Scotland--One-Rule Contest
Sponsor: Julia Ward
This Friday night was as-black-as-coal, he ignites a blackberry-colored cigar,
His belly is filled with fried chicken, Hennessy, and caviar.
This is, without-a-doubt, undeniable…
The intoxication is accredited, and honest-to-goodness notarized,
The spirit hypnotizes critical-thinking, the caterpillar forgets the past as a butterfly.
This is, without-a-doubt, undeniable…
Each step is measured, closer to the building filled with aria and gloss,
The alluring drip of feminine sustenance, high-heals and eyeshadow sauce.
This is, without-a-doubt, undeniable…
The morning is beautiful, he puffs a blackberry-colored cigar,
His arms are filled with feminine physiques, the ambient attraction of a superstar.
This is, without-a-doubt, undeniable.
A Healing High
Compressed goodbye
Fortified
With a tender lie
My doubtful sigh
A lawful bide
Notarized
With wishful stride
Bleach bled dye
Red run rye
Petrified
With a bloody tide
A terror suprise
Tears run dry
Circumcised
With control abide
Step softly over this silken knot;
Ease into this particular caress..
I have a story
Written slowly on cloth of gold..
The wrappings shimmer sightlessly
Around the nearest ornamental Diary.
And then, we wonder as we read
Who earns such gifts as nonchalonce..?
For effort lost we all expire
Into an alien heat
To find someone especially sacred.
Ending in historic settlement
Legitimized or notarized
As each becomes unrecognizable
With no one especially primal
In an overlong embrace...
But sacrificial relatives
Abound in every Storybook;
And your turn,
My cold young lover
Is waiting to be taken...
Write carefully.
The other day I did some chores
That I’d been putting off.
It made me feel so good
But hear me out before you scoff.
They weren’t monumental things –
They’d languished on my list;
Yet every time I'd thought of them,
My brain had them dismissed.
So finally, I ordered lenses
For my months-old frames.
I had some papers notarized
For certain health care claims.
I bought a bunch of greeting cards
For birthdays coming soon.
I splurged and got some brand-new clothes;
The time was opportune.
I stopped in at the drug store
And the market, not exciting;
But then I found a shady bench
To work on some new writing.
Sometimes it takes an inner push
To get the basics done.
It’s easier to tackle more
As long as you’ve begun.
There was a time my daddy said
When a man’s word was his bond.
A firm handshake sealed the contract,
No one was ever conned.
When railroads brought in lesser men
Than those who won the west,
Those shysters made some shady deals
That could not pass the test.
Then lawyers put their shingles up,
Saying they could do it right,
With a pact ink-signed and notarized,
And completely watertight.
Rules were made and laws were passed
And lawyers filed each deed.
While Dad maintained, with honest men
Handshakes are all they need.
Written 5/13/12
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