Humorous No Chance Poems

Good morning, folks...John Doe here 
Live- from Channel WXYZ-TV 
Bringing you today and tomorrow's weather forecast...
And how the weekend's weather just might be 

Saturday morning...

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I’ve cheated death three times in four decades so far
after each episode pondering for what purpose
my life was spared by rare good fortune
as I’ve accomplished...

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had I woken with that headache 
then I would have stayed in bed
but because I felt much better
I got up for work instead.

had I got...

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There was a charming
bride at the altar,
chance came
and took her from
there....

There was one
 stunning flower here
on the porch,
came a strong wind
  and carried her
to...

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There were lots of pretty girls
But only one with mahogany curls.
This one had shy amber eyes.
Which caught one big guy by surprise.

His name was Ox...

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My driving I thought was sublime
But I failed my test the first time
Staring down at the wheel
It was hard to conceal
That failure to me was...

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Twilight flowers bloomed against the rain 
From different street corners we walked
Under umbrellas we collide that day
Within seconds, our eyes met
Flushed and surprised
We turned our...

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Baby, I saw you wishin' on him,
But you ought to give me a whirl;
'Cuz he's a handsome hunk,
But when he gets drunk
Baby, he likes ugly...

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