Ogre
Often he’s a cranky,
Olive-skinned, swamp dwelling,
Obtusely-witted fiend...
Only bathes in mud—eats
Onions, garlic, ...(sniff)... GAS?!!
Ogre’s in the outhouse!!
Oh! My giddy aunt...RUN!
©deborah burch
4.06.2021
Pleiades
Kim Merryman’s Pleiades O Poetry Contest
CENSORED: a kind of unfinished symphony
This hammer made my finger sting
The flaming, silly, soppy thing
Now I’ve hit my poor old thumb
Oh my giddy aunt, ho hum
My right leg’s broke below the knee
Goodness gracious, pity me
I just nearly broke my neck
Blow me down and what the heck
Oops, I think I’ve been misled
That bridge was lower than he said
What a shame I won’t get far
The roof’s gone off my poor old car
Gosh, the milkman’s nicked my wife
That’s how it goes, I guess... that’s life
My word, I just fell in the lake
What am I like, for goodness sake
So tell me, is it midnight yet?
Fifty quid, I’ve won the bet
So off you go and toodle pip
Block your ears as I let rip............... HOLY F....!!!
30 December 2018
For Brian Strand’s Contest 535
I remember when my Aunt
wanted a divorce,
said, "at last my time is mine
I shall live on the Golf Course".
My Uncle never played
he gave the game a snub,
thought it pretty pointless
to hit a ball with club.
He only wanted offspring,
to fertilise her eggs,
but she was bloody adament
he would never part her legs!
She never wanted family,
He wanted Son and heir.
So they found that life
became too much to bear.
So it was they split,
my Uncle he played Bowls,
Auntie she liked golf
she loved those eighteen holes.
One day while she was playing.
A great Storm began to brew.
Thunderclaps were shouting
with Lightning Bolts that flew!
She had just teed off,
then was walking past a dyke
when Thunder blew a fuse
then lightning it did strike...
( When my Uncle heard
my Auntie had been zapped,
the only thing he said was...)
"Well aint that very apt!!! "
Oh my giddy Aunt!!!
It was the ultimate birth control!
Guess where she was hit?
Between the first and second hole!
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