Long Toot Poems

This is based on a completely true event - and every time someone mentions either of these 2 towns, I get hives - 

           ...

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I’m lunching with my bestie Mylie
She’s upset and no longer smiley
I ask her what’s wrong
She said in my thong
My bottom is no match for Kylie!

I giggled and said stop your moans
You're perfect not like Bridget...

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Spouse cannot forget mine suppressed flatulence upon our first date

While yours truly sat here 
at the desk housing MacBook Pro,
pondering his next idée fixe apropos
for gamut of anonymous readers,
he unexpectedly, noisily and effectually
exploded out rear...

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World famous player of the five fingered flute,
   Wasn't quite so happy as he used to be.
   Being alone with just his flute,
   Nice clothes,
   And lounging...

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Inevitable death defines afterlife

I mull mortality 
thru lens crafted occipital orbs
regarding a better future
experience sing a space oddity – 
whar incessant yaks
exuding a big hurt
emanate as cosmic atomic 
bipedal hominids replete roof lee wax
during a...

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“Unicorns are Us” 

You can only imagine
the furore 
when magick
hit the score
the Party, not impressed,
was not for witches
too big for their
britches on brooms,
said all the high-brow
cultural dignitories
and low-strung 
toad hall politicians
pacing around the room;
so all...

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A field day shoe fit for Mother Goose
  
Fruitless effort squeezing figurative juice
Pandora called triggering 
helter skelter to get loose
necessitating Bullwinkle J. Moose
to usher at yours truly 
(an aspiring wordsmith) vamoose!

Hey diddle diddle the...

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There was a time 
In the not distant past
When farmers would sell their wares
Of fruits and vegetables they had planted
To feed the town folks, and balance a budget
In exchange, for clothes, sundries and junket
For the...

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Now Dragons brothers, Joey and Casey had jobs they went to…
        And Dragon suddenly had nothing, nothing, simply nothing to do.
So I took him to McDonalds… That most...

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Mother Goose would find her tail feathers ruffled 

Hey diddle diddle 
the cat and the fiddle
when off to see 
a crooked man and woman,
whilst cowards jumped 
over moo ving little
pair of mismatched muggles,
who both walked...

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Wonderment at existence – mine

a sixty four year old married bloke
born January 13th, mcmlix
under Capricorn sign in general,
and January 13th in particular
who dons online personage
with custom (think 
swiftly tailored harried styled) 
made poetic raiment cloak.

With...

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Wonderment at existence - mine
born January 13th, mcmlix
under Capricorn sign.

With my scrunched  
and bushy furrowed brow
I often ponder precise circumstances 
that linkedin yours truly to be born
tracing back lineage of self 
or arbitrary individual...

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Dragon wanted a summer job so off to Dragon Air he did go.
But his erratic flying audition brought him, only buckets of Whoa!
They told him to come back later, whenever he learns to, better fly.
Like...

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Owl Parliament is now in session, so be quiet please.
All whistles, hoots, growls, grunts and screeches need to cease.

As the largest of you all, I’m in charge, you see.
Not to mention, I have killed four...

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Petersen House, Washington, D.C.  

(i admit to own a passion for the Civil War in general, 
and the life and death of 
the sixteenth president in particular).

between a hard spot of whiskey 
 ...

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With scrunched and bushy furrowed brow
   I often ponder the precise circumstances
   that any thing 2 be born this way
   as a poker face
Tracing back lineage of self or
...

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Recherché poetic themes stock in trade of yours truly

No surprise, rhyme nor reason,
I tease out extraordinary threads,
sometimes deliberately writing
about current calendar day or season

for instance today July 28th, 2020
another hazy, hot, and humid summer day
and...

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Kabodlute loved to toot on a three fingered bamboo flute,
     In his backyard, under a tree, folks would see his three fingers running 
     free.
  ...

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"Imagination is as imagination does."
-- a poet of a truly handsome imagination

*   *   *

On every "Help! Oh, help! I'm in a Pickle!" Pickle Day,
Ms. Superhero Fancy one true super-duper fay
along with...

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Me very late mum, a funereal day...

courtesy latitudinarian, nonestablishmentarian, 
sexagenarian, and Unitarian son
and modest mastermind maven maverick.

Another anniversary of her death occurs
upon advent of 
May fourth two thousand and five,
not quite seventy years since her...

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tweaked to pass inspection broadcast on the double
(alternately titled snafu: ma bell heave hubble
vehicular repairs (prohibitive)
finds me bleary eyed stupefied
and countenance grizzled with prickly stubble
collapsed amidst virtual rubble).

Best sung courtesy rotten dull liver:red worst
after words...

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curt hissy Matthew Scott Harris
who wishes ewe well
to make $cents of the following
mumbo jumbo lettered gumbo.

Hip puck crease see
(ad hoc) key hide dee claim
haint how my noggin 
comports itself to take aim,
cuz ear lee aire...

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Wonderment at existence ™

With my scrunched 
and bushy furrowed brow
I often ponder 
the precise circumstances 
that any thing to be born
tracing back lineage of self 
or arbitrary individual 
unpredictable as the dow
reckoning a series of...

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The toot of a lute
Rang through the air
The carnival was uproar with laughter
A little boy's eyes
a much larger size
at the sight of what he was after
A stale piece of bread
Sat in the trash
It made the...

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Fitness guru (grew)
     to an abrupt screeching halt,
     i.e. did dramatically abate,
whence significant block of time,
     I formerly did allocate
(within recent past)
 ...

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