Long Toot Poems
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Laughter
Laughter knocks on the doors of tragedy selling snake oil.
Its remedy has no cure,
but the symptoms from consuming its liqueur are delightful.
There are all sorts of laughter.
My favorites are the giggle,
a subtle and private revelation of jiggling jello,
and the barrel roll
that takes over everything like a stampede of elephants from a circus.
Whichever laughter you enjoy most,
be it the snort,
the snort with an accidental backfire,
or even a donkey bray,
enjoy a bit of laughter today,
because life is serious,
but it's worth enjoying.
by Martin Braun
October 6, 2023
Way back before this baby boomer waz astute
countless decades before aye became long in the tooth,
and also prior tomb ma sporting dentures to boot
fond memories rush more than so far back
envisioning illusory wind blown steppes
(wait...this visage belongs to thine
long since deceased maternal grandfather
hub hill eave didst hail from Kiev,
or some place thereabouts) within the mind
of this prevaricating aging
"FAKE" barnstorming ole coot
preserved records (those times b'fore cds or dvds)
and now rewinds tape when family of origin
celebrated Xmas secular Harris
house style rendition of Magic Flute,
though genealogy steeped in Judaism
recollections abound of boyhood mirth
devoid of rubric asper orthodox and/or reformed
Judeo-Christian religion,
which essentially means,
I did not give or take a hoot
nonetheless cherish fond memories,
when ma late mum
relished making a hoo ha,
and got tickled and pickled pink
rousing a hullabaloo wrapping presents
and jamming three knee high stockings
with healthy goodies such as fruit
cuz, as a devotee of Carleton Fredericks,
she frowned on giving out sweets
particularly to three children she begat,
and iced hill easily recall her poker faced
feigning complete ignorance and surprise
sheep played “dumb” as did father
convincingly not giving a hoot
puzzled asper neatly wrapped and
stacked gifts under decorated tree
while distorted reflections of stockings
fractal shimmers from metallic gewgaws
in tandem of nostalgic magic
worth mo' than any amount of loot,
perhaps Christmas festivities a flash point,
when some jolly codger (papa)
dressed up, sans Santa Claus suit
and petsmart dogs doubled up as reindeer,
whose canine barking, cavorting, and dashing
haphazardly set them on a direct route
to pandemonium as crashing trimmed tree
cacophony elicited laughter, punctuated
with irrepressible escaped bursts of flatulence
(ah wont mention hoof from)
that emulated a toot.
A Tribute to George H W Bush
By Franklin Price
12/5/2018
Today we mourn the passing
Of George H.W. Bush
Be silent for a moment
Don't say a word, it's time to shush
He served this country many years
Always went where he was sent
In World War Two a pilot
Later on the President
He was always unassuming
Was not one to toot his horn
Was a patriot when living
As is the man that now we mourn
The President now in his place
Claimed this HW's day
All government brought to a halt
All flags from half staff sway
I find it very interesting
That all speak of him well
Even parties on the other side
Have had good things to tell
It's a shame a good man had to die
To have people act this way
We should practice live civility
As we move on from this day
Rest in peace HW
You do not suffer any more
I'm sure Barbara was waiting
As you went through Heaven's door
Written on April 14, 2012
Hannah and Otto lived by a lake
In a house with an address of 8008.
Some nights they would kayak around and around
So quietly; there was nary a sound.
One night they heard an erie toot and some beeps
And rowed towards the sounds without making a peep.
They each gasped twice when they saw what was there.
It was Ogopogo coming up for air!
Ogopogo turned and smiled at them
They were both wowed; he seemed like a friend.
It turned out that he was quite civil and charming
His conversation was respectful and, therefore, disarming.
And at the end of the exchange, he asked, “Do you happen to know
Where my girlfriend, Loch Nessie, would possibly go?
I’ve been looking around this lake for centuries, it seems
And if I don’t find her soon, I will simply scream!”
Gail DeBole
Palindromes
Ogopogo
(There have been claimed sightings of Ogopogo, a Canadian Lake monster that is commonly described as a 40 to 50 ft. sea monster.)
Hannah
Otto
8008
Erie
Kayak
Toot
Peep
Note: Part of the Portrait Poetry Collection
Palindrome Mad Contest
Seventh Place
I took a stroll through Boot Hill Cemetery the other day,
To take a look at where outlaws and other rabble lay.
Some graves were marked by stones, others by weathered board;
Many covered with cairns of rock, residents known only by the Lord!
As I moseyed through the weeds and brambles from tomb to tomb,
I read interestin' epitaphs on how those fellers met their doom!
"Here lies the mortal shell of bank robber Tim McGraw;
Bad luck for Tim - the bank teller was quicker on the draw!"
"Beneath this turf resides big-time gambler Jedidiah Greeves;
He played Texas hold-em with too many aces up his sleeves!"
"Here dwells 'Hank' Hankston who 'borrowed' the judge's steed;
He was hanged from a lone oak tree for this nefarious deed!"
"Here inhabits Cletus O'Toole who had a run-in with the law;
The high sheriff won the battle on the dusty streets of Wichita!"
"Molding in this lonely grave is Joe Bronson, notorious cattle thief;
Wranglers dealt with Joe in a hail of lead with whom they had a beef!"
"Cody Blanks went on a drunken toot causing mayhem and injury;
The judge sentenced him to be hanged as suggested by the jury!"
These fellers were planted with their boots on accordin' to local lore;
That's why it will be known as Boot Hill Cemetery now and forever more!
Don't have to be a sleuth
To find ample proof
A well worn trampled truth
That to besmirch
Not be kind
On a pedant’s perch
Scorn and be aloof
Is quite simply uncouth
Snooty snotty sniffy
In a jiffy drives me potty
The spiffy getting iffy
You've gotta be pithy
Must be dotty
Semantic severity
Temerity to stifle
Getting a trifle squiffy
Like a lush
Quaffing & scoffing
A lexicon so plush
Brevity don't mean levity
Just let it gush
It does perplex
Not your cortex to flex
So why try to vex
With a supercilious hex
Any wannabe thesaurus rex
Let's lobby those
Who got gobby
Chose to be snobby
For you it is a jobby
For most it is just a hobby
So Brian my old fruit
With a lingo bingo to loot
Let folks have a hoot
Without pokes enjoy a toot
Take the scenic route
Have you heard a word more absurd
Less elegant…redolent or benevolent
Than counter “breviloquent”
So just hush
You should blush
It’s our duty
To be bold
Revel in the
Another level booty
Feeling flush
Well what's the rush
No need to be a bore
No one's keeping score
Who doesn’t adore an encore
Cos sometimes with rhymes
More is well… more
What do you do
when you’re riddled with riddles,
swallowed whole
right down the middle?
Music blares,
but it’s not me.
’Twas a toot or two
from a fiddle.
What do you do
when your riddles get riddled?
When you’re all alone
and you fiddle your diddle.
Nothing comes out
but a little
piddle.
Compulsively arranged
and out of control,
thought after thought
has swallowed me whole.
Riddled with feelings,
I pick at my mind,
looking for answers
that no one can find.
Can you connect the dots?
I’m trying to justify
whatever still rots.
Riddled with riddles,
discarded
like an afterthought.
Something’s not right here.
Something became
a knot.
My poems are tops
says Pops
Read me one
begs his son
OK, Here we go
Hear it flow…
#1
Roses are red
violets are blue
Some girls can kiss
Your two lips are dead
#2
Over the river and through the wood
to grandmother’s house we go
Poor old woman, lyin’ in bed
Hey – Why’s she wearin’ a hood?
#3
Joe and Jill Biden went up Capitol Hill
Joe fell down
broke his crown
And Jill ignored him ever after
#4
I warned you
overripe fruit makes you toot
Happy trails to you
until your diarrhea’s through…
OK, son.
I’m all done
Thanks, Pops.
That sure was fun
The marshal saddled up as dawn broke over old Dodge City.
Upon town rabble and mean hombres he took no pity!
He donned his ten-gallon hat and strapped on his gun.
On his vest the marshals' badge gleamed in the rising sun!
Sheepskin chaps and fancy boots completed his dandy outfit.
He was a handsome dude - with the ladies he made quite a hit!
He mounted his horse Woody and took a ride about the town,
Ever on the lookout for desperados of notorious renown!
He took a break for a hearty breakfast of bacon and eggs,
Then continued on his rounds on the lookout for society's dregs.
Rowdy cowpokes galloped down Main Street on a toot.
Marshal Dan escorted them out of town in hot pursuit!
At high noon the peace of Dodge City was interrupted,
When a brawl at the Long Branch Saloon suddenly erupted!
Shooting began and Marshal Dan drew his peace-maker;
Two rowdy gun-slingers had a date with the undertaker!
With Marshal Dan, peace in Dodge City was guaranteed.
Danny dismounted his rocking horse Woody, his faithful steed.
It had been a tough day trying to be fair and impartial.
Now it was afternoon nap time for the little five-year old marshal!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired (© All Rights Reserved)
Skrilla doot doot
See LaMelo Ball shoot
six-seven to the hoop
Hornets fans toot toot
sixth season—next is seven
6 ~ 7
Phenom Taylen Kinney
sells 6 7 Water plenty
what’s it mean—what’s the skinny?
hype don’t mean nothin’—yo!
6 ~ 7
Every kid in every school
willing to break every rule
say it cuz it sounds so cool
say it while you can
6 ~ 7
“How is everyone?”
(classroom shouts)
6 ~ 7
“Please do not say that.”
(classroom shouts)
6 ~ 7
“How many times do I—“
(classroom shouts)
6 ~ 7
“I prohibit you from saying—“
(classroom shouts)
6 ~ 7
“I will send you to detention—“
(classroom shouts)
6 ~ 7
Skrilla doot doot
6 ~ 7 …
See LaMelo Ball shoot
6 ~ 7 …
Taylen Kinney root toot
6 ~ 7 …
(Repeat, softer — fade)