Long Suicidal Poems
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Bluest blues, blackened with yellow green
taken back for all I've seen
muddled minds mingled
living lonely
amid suicidal dreams
I have seen, oh I have seen
infernall insecurities scrambling
fearful of creation's doubt
enduringly drifting
towards the brink of curiosity
undoable
ropes unraveling
but only for these eyes
the hidden cries
for help
helpless, hopeless
kindness begs
breeds, breathes
untold
tight held mystery
a forestry of freedom unbound
found
a conduit can't hide
in gentle breeze
side by side by side
with angels
guiding me
The rain pelts down my window panes
Your face in my memory evokes emotional pain
and I wonder if you ever regret the things you do
make me cry
Or
WORRY WHETHER OR NOT YOU’D OVERDOSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND DIE
I HAD SO MANY COUNTLESS SLEEPLESS NIGHTS…….
You had me walking around like a shaky zombie, close to an an attack of anxieties.
You took my kindness
you took it like a selfish thief in the night
You stroked my hair and gave me promises of a relationship that would someday be right
But perfect was nothing further from it.
I gave you my virginity, my essence of innocence and
YOU MADE ME HURT
YOU MADE ME SICK
I'll never forget the time you slapped me across the face
The sting was numbed from your inebriated laughter
You tore me apart with your verbal wolverine clawed insults
Your tongue has left whip like scars on MY HEART
You threatened me with suicidal tendencies
To keep your addictive behaviour a secret
UNWILLING TO SEEK HELP
YOU POISONED YOURSELF WITH DRUGS MEANT TO HELP THOSE SUFFERING FROM ILLNESSES THAT ARE CANCEROUS
You chased away the love of my friends and my families
You punched a hole through your sister's door, so frustrated and blinded by
the drug's destructive withdrawals
You felt like your skeleton was ripping from your skin's molecules
You were monstrous.
Stole away my confidence, and shut down the sound of my voice
Luckily I found my way back to sanity
my addiction was loving you, when you were calamitous and noxious
Form:
February marks the date but we don't celebrate.
Relationship is real, daily struggle, money, temptations, and
suicidal moments.
We took the scenic route but have only seen one mountain.
10/11/16
Yella
Written by My Amazimg girlfriend; Danielle Zink.
-Allowimg her to be a part of my poetic journey is enough probable cause to share wth her my Sweet last name. You may pronounce us Mr and Mrs Zink... (she has been my biggest fan for 3 years so she is (and has been) my poetic practice audience. And now she has even been not only using my words against me left and right, she has figured out how to write poetry... I do believe the replacement woman has been getting loose in the right field bullpen. I'm considering calling in the lefty as it has become obvious that she has come to know too much—about me and of the human mind. An obvious threat to any man currently married or divorced. That's not going to happen and I just made up some reader savvy nonsensense; or did I? I'm not telling. I love Danielle; that being said let's say the ups and downs of a "hypothetical" break up—as follows: Down Side: lose my family. Up side: with heartbreak comes more material for me to write more poetry! Hey! You must always look on the brightsides. Just in case she's still reading this; I loveyou honey! You are my world. Without you, I am lost in a ghetto trying to score and much much more. It's like a **** show. Peace in everyone, hang tough!
Ir0NIc Zink
Raindrops upon the asphalt
Stain my camera lens as it stares at the moon
I lack a jacket and the wind is strong
Would it be cool if I was ice all along?
Reading the twist of the story
Before you have context to know why it's there
I'm thinking I knew how this story would end
Yet subtly praying for worldlines to bend
Buried miles inside you
You're grasping the bedsheets while I'm holding flasks
Whispering words of love to me after
Though when I'm drunk, I'm a better actor
Frozen, dreaming of cold winds
And days when I hid myself from the sheer cold
Dreaming of moments when my love was pure
And realizing theater has lost its allure
I can't remember the last time
I've gazed upon you without wanting to die
Yet I can't run because you'll try to fall
And grasp my hand to pull me into the squall
Raindrops are soaking my camera
And your questions are making my phone sing aloud
Hypothermia doesn't sound half bad
God, I'm sounding so much like my dad
What a wonderful parody
Of the intimacy we've both craved since we were young
Battles and doubts and all sorts of great things
You're still the reason my heart wants to sing
Singing the songs of the wounded
Of pain and of self-harm, of suicidal dreams
I'm freezing to death on this track in the rain
I've never been happier than when I'm being slain
The older I get the more I grow
It’s apparent to me I do not know
There’s always something to learn
Keep on moving as the world turns
Why are instincts in animals so strong
To thrive and survive and carry on
Yet in some humans who have despair
Suicidal ideation thoughts are there
No one is perfect and minds can be
A source of pain a source of peace
Coloring life’s lenses we silver see
Sifting cleanses setting souls free
Do not forget in your pact with death
You may transfer pain to someone else
You must be certain that you persevere
Despite cherry challenges fuchsia fears
Lift up your spirits with the Holy Ghost
Always near us when we need Him most
Form:
i and my killer
standing face to face
i can see the redness in his eyes
he would have not slept last night
i and my killer
we have never met before
we are complete stranger to each other
perhaps he not knew neither i
why he is going to kill me
i have kids back home
he is in his teen should be alone
but now the time has finished
we are ready to go in the tunnel of dark
we will be no longer i and he
we will be a news article hereafter
i have no fear
i have only worry
how to save my kids
from becoming a next suicidal bomber
o my killer
let it be the last victim
let the world lovely as it was before you
u need my blood its there
not for ugly thoughts of you
but for the promising new peaceful world
Form:
A hundred years have come and gone
to what wonder and tragedies
have you belonged?
My father:
Born in the aftermath of a world at war
danced to the flappings of the twenties roar,
a time when poverty and wealth wore torn in two
when the future feared depression's loom;
just a young man filled with wide-eyed dreams in bloom
where would steps move
in the prophetic ravings?
the Dust Bowl blackened clouds with farmers braving
drowning anthems of a Star-Spangled banner still waving
and the solo flight of history
forever remains a mystery;
political isms rise in freedoms slow demise
while Hollywood reviews the movies
in truth and lies;
the end of an era welcomed in the shanty towns
as Europe recovers with a parade of suicidal clowns;
off to war drafting historic days of infamy
when bloody battles raged
as alliances filled the stage
and at last, a momentary peace was cast;
with love and hope returned again,
life was never quite the same;
distrust, cold war gloom
threatened the next generations bloom
a hated war embraced love freely,
killed in a plaza at Dealy
perhaps too easily, we gave it all away
as nuclear power paved the new day;
the power mongers rose,
wealthy and the greedy exposed
life continued for the bold,
growing rebellious children in the fold
with yet a newer fear to mold,
wars and change in the aftermath
for everyone who has lost their path;
equality returned to the open stage,
the promise of an enlightened age
but time is never stationary
and no one man is a visionary
with walls torn down and freedom's cries
history burns with false truths and lies;
drugs and saturated imaged shadows quickly return
to clouded hazy minds burned
in foggy dreams to be unlearned
and fallen heroes disappear and die
close the century with disappointment
and no magic panacea provided ointment
now at the turn of time
in the final last hurrah
a battle rages yet no one with power speaks
of the lesson taught,
history must once again,
repeat.
Seen it all
my dear father
the foolishness, the truth, and lie,
in which mankind lives and dies
the messages by which the common man exists
is only the futures that we all resist.
A musing recollection on my father's 100 birthday. 8/19/19
I got fired
For being awarded Most Desired
The truth got liared
I got tired by the fact that you are wired
A different way than me
Why can't they clearly see
That I'll make a difference in this world of labels?
This world is like a wifi that has been running on a ticking bomb of jacked up cables
Going thru a relapse of suicidal thots before and after
I hand you flowers of forgive-me-please after a disaster
After a rainstorm comes a rainbow of radiance,
A tragedy in reverse...a miracle cure, a prance dance - enhance my joy with Royal elegance
Loyal me up as soon as I give in to my old ways (that's what's up)
Cuz I've been unfaithful...mhm, truth sincerely hurts
To You, him, and her and I feel like giving up...I'm a filthy cup in the dishwasher, but I will be a spic-and-span cup (it shocks me to know many have given up so easily...I'm a whimpering pup)
I've been acting ungrateful...I'm inside out shirts...
I'm in my doom-gloom dorm,
Keeping warm through it all...I've crashed due to an epic fall or an accidental fantastic fail
I'm an weird, empty Earth worm
Seeping through the wooden floors that are as tough as a well-built wall...you're a tough trail to tread...I'm a message never sent by mail
Got crazy
A lil lazy
Got naturally hazy
Off of hyper wild-child
Inside me - so not mild
For a while, my mind has been piled
With nonsensical, fickle desire of my elevating empire
I am home with my cheesy nachos on my lap while singing "Girl on Fire"
I'm higher than the clouds cuz I'm high off of laughter and bliss...something I cherish and admire
It's cool to be real
It's not legit to be fake
Ah yeah, it's not a big deal
Hit the brake for my sake
Regret nothing
Quit that fussing
You're my everything
Carry on, do your thang
Off you trot
Don't let me Rot
On the spotlight...
Tonight...despite your black and white ways of sparkling spite and under-your-spell might that shines so bright and it's wrong when it's right
I'm a kid without his kite
Stab me with love-me-not loathe - I can take it without throwing a childish fit with a mature kit with freezing fire foolwit
I'm sorry - I feel like shite
I know I broke the friendship oath - I still luv u a bit, I must admit
Born into this world –
with a cord around my neck.
Wrapped around 3 times –
my cord of life brought me near death.
Funny now to think –
I’d live my life with the same battles.
Foreshadowing my future –
(fighting) with demons in the shadows.
Fighting for my life alone –
seems no one hears my screams.
The things I love so much –
most of them cause danger to me.
My lovers over time –
in their own ways felt right to me.
Just to find that each of them –
would just cause me to bleed.
Not bloodshed in some valiant way –
no, bloodshed of the weak.
Beaten, battered, broken, –
it still haunts me in my sleep.
Pushed to brutal limits –
beaten like an injured dog.
And when I finally snapped –
see, only I was in the wrong.
Friends are just the same –
whenever presented with conflict.
Nobody wants to listen –
unless there’s favorable verdicts.
Throw away the whole relationship –
For sakes of being right.
Nobody really cares –
they’ll leave me here, far out of sight.
Family is truly fleeting –
they just seem to come and go.
Even those you’re close to –
(turn) into people you don’t know.
See, I have no true safe place –
nor a happy place nor peace.
I’m plagued by suicidal thoughts –
for my mind is diseased.
Why should I want to be here –
with no purpose, with no home?
The absence of my children –
is the worst pain that I’ve known.
“Stay alive for them!” –
so many foolish people say.
But I cannot fulfill their dreams –
(they’ll hold) false hope should I stay.
Due to the extreme measures my
identity thieves have taken in order
to extort my American poetry from
mafia wise guys to corruption to Jamaican
female impersonating me with data breach
and severe identity fraud i adore writing
poetry everyday but i must stop for now
allowing these thieves some twisted sick
respite away from tormenting me being
on this sight allows them to be able to mimic
terrorize me with terrorist threats it's very cruel
but some people would do anything to harm
innocent person god bless all of you here
on poetry soup keep writing I shall my prayers
are with my step son who took his life thanksgiving
the shock of my mental health being exploited for gain
by identity thieves mafia corruption for gain leading to
101 reason taking his own life poetry in the wrong hands
we sigh for the giving and pray for the souls of the silent
beings for their pain shall always shatter thee earth the
infamous core tangible structure of the mind shall be
replaced with insanity for a brief notion gathered for sheer
peace hence release I am completely traumatized my abusive
ex his accomplice the arson murderer Ciro Gargano identity thief
Jay Townsend Johnson Henry my complete stalkers trickled
down ongoing abuse from my bitter arsonist ex husband
sacrificed his son in order to assist these imposters to
extorting my American poetry to allow this imposter
impersonate me for gain literally giving my step son
no other options taking his own life while family gathered
giving thanks a falseness knowing they were planted
outside my door awaiting my disabled spouse and I to go
to VA appointments so they could enter our home searching
for poetry data to summit finally exploiting my mental illness
my husband's 101 airborne releasing suicidal thoughts in a family
My step son set a plan and ended his life due to plagiarism.
It had been twenty years since I contacted the FBI when
my identity thief arrived with her Jamaican gunman to end
my life over my American poetry he died at my feet complete
karma taking my step son 20 years later this operation forced
him into suicide ending his own life shattered into after realizing
the severe domestic abuse identity fraud plagerism arson murderer