Long Panic attacks Poems
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BECAREFUL WITH INSTALLING
XBOX SYSTEMS TO SMART
TVS HACKERS ARE WAITING
TO HACK INTO YOUR WIFI
HACKING INTO EMAILS SAD
PLACE THE BEST THING IS
TO TO BUY THE ORIGINAL
BALLY MS PAC MAN THEY
DO NOT NEED A WIFI ACCOUNT
MY TV EXPLODED MY
GRANDSON IN TEARS AS
CORRUPTION TERRORISES
US ONCE AGAIN DATA
BREACHES ON 7 YEAR OLD
CHILDREN VERY SCARY I AM
NOW STUCK ON A BREATHING
MACHINE PANIC ATTACKS IN
MY SLEEP I CAN ACTUALLY HEAR
STALKERS HACKER EXTRACTING
DATA FROM MY BRAIN THERE
ARE TIMES I FORCE MYSELF
TO ENTER CAVES UNDER THE
MOUNTAINS OF ISREAL I AM
SURROUNDED BY KINGS OF
JERUSALEM I FEEL SAFE AWAY
FROM STALKERS DOMESTIC
TERRORISTS FEAR AND PANIC
MY HEART IS QUITE ENLARGED
AGAIN CHEST HURT RIBS SWOLLEN
AS MY ANXIETY REACHES AN
ODD POINT KNOW THESE KILLERS
WERE DESPERATE ENOUGH TO
HACK MY GRANDSONS VIDEO
GAME SYSTEM ALLAH ARKBAR
ONLY ISIS TERRORISTS WOULD
ATTACK A 7 TEAR OLDS XBOX
FOR SPORT LEAVING THREATS
KILLED IN ACTION PRISONER OF WAR
P.O.W K.I.A BY AN XBOX GAME U.S.A
CORRUPTION FEASTING ON VIETNAM
VETERAN AND THIER FAMILIES
COMPLETE TERROR IN AMERICA
TWISTED THREATS INVASION OF
PRIVACY SEVERE CIVIL RIGHTS
BREACH LAWLESSNESS CARRIED
OUT ON A VIDEO GAME SYSTEM
HOW SAFE ARE WE HERE
VULNERABLE TO HACKERS
BULLIES IDENTITY THIEVES
At noon, most people eat lunch.
They aren’t hiding.
At 12:30, they are heading back to their desks, and sighing heavily.
I’m breathing too much.
I’ll have a quick panic attack.
With just the sounds of shuffling and teeth chattering.
In here.
A closet with a broom.
A dark room, I am in.
I’m as stoic as the broom, in this room.
I could be eating.
I used to like eating.
At 12:35.
Lunch is over.
It’s time to punch back in.
Punching in doesn’t make a sound.
But it still wakes me up.
Dull, eyes open, stirring.
I had a quick panic attack.
In a closet, ten feet from here.
I wish I didn’t…
Miss out on snacks in the breakroom-
But I don’t have time, like I used to.
I also wish I didn’t have panic attacks…
I can barely type, I can barely sit right.
I feel wild, and spinning, and adventurous!
Keeping the secret another day.
As hard as it is.
Makes me feel scared.
Makes me feel proud.
Two of our have gone missing today
Two guys from the corps sad to say
The demons they have are strong
Lets get these guys back where they belong
This is happening more frequently now
Veterans going missing Why? How?
Something more needs to be done
The battles they have, haven't been won
More care and funding would be a start
From society then they could feel a part
They are not weird, strange or odd
They are veterans part of a squad
Removed from their familiar surrounds
An alien country there in with unwanted sounds
But no it is home they are at
Not feeling normal how'd you fancy that
Panic attacks and unwanted dreams
No normality here or so it seems
They say be strong stand and fight
You can't see the enemy it's time for flight
The enemy is not in far off lands
Its in the head eating out of your hands
They don't know what to do for the best
Anxiety depression burning their chest
Saddly one of the guys did pass
The other still confused in the grass
He cannot see the love all around
He just wants to be on the ground
I hope this chap is found safe soon
He really needs help to find his moon
His family and friends are worried sick
This young man needs a gentle kick
Get home young soldier your family await
Find the love you deserve lose all the hate
You are a veteran now please stand tall
No more veterans need to fall
R.I.P Jak I didn't know you at all
I feel great sadness that you did fall
My condolences to family and friends
Hope they find comfort as your pain ends
This shouldn't happen in this great land
They should grow old hear marching bands
But alas I know it allways will be
Untill funding is found can't they see.
Perdition Be Damned!
Body electric zapped
lower gastrointestinal tract
wracked with wretchedness
pitted, rocked, and tortured
severe muscle spasms cramp
deathly hallowed deliverance
beseech divine creator to exorcise relief
any panacea trumpeted vetoed
pestilential nausea diarrhea
wreaks relentless havoc
horrid ordeal twists insides
lack strength to live
breathing a laborious effort
bedrest temporarily alleviates
generally healthy ironclad junket
weatherbeaten rickety ship of state
restorative sought trouncing unwell
corporeal self against torture
assailing, castrating,
and drubbing existence
avocations ordinarily promulgating
resplendent joie de vivre
squelched, scotched, and sabotaged,
courtesy minuscule mailer daemons
emotions unlikely culprit,
though times gone by anxiety
tindered, pitched, and kindled
abominable irritable bowel syndrome
prescription medication tempered
badgering, crippling, and debilitating
panic attacks plagued this primate
manifesting feeble endeavor
to experience poignant satiation,
asper simple pleasures nonexotic
endeavors merely passively living
as one organic carbon based
human being finding fulfillment
meditating, reading, and writing,
now fleeced, deprived, and blitzed
suspicious disagreeable provender
perhaps lactose intolerance
after enjoying pizza birthday
fours days prior
celebrating chronological centenary,
sans one frail resident here,
Highland Manor Apartments
suddenly, I feel chill o' rigor mortis!
Nature made convenient sluice,
when pool water did wend
down the gentle slope
describing gargantuan wetsuit vend
er steadily chugging, chiseling,
and channeling straight away
blindly coursing upend
ding (mankind imposed)
property boundaries demarcations tend
with futile diligence,
asper the whimsical barenaked lady's
propensities, viz mother nature
made short shrift send
ding hours of surveyor labor down
into the behavioral sink also rend
ding inhabitants within the flood plain
to vacate premises and return,
when storm didst abate
comically shaking angry fist
at darkening non sheltering sky -
faux imitating to berate
meteorological processes
many complex systems create
the downpour seemingly
appearing (to me) rainier date
then years gone by scattershot memories,
(which figurative, somewhat unreliable
yardstick of boyhood) did equate
climate affecting
Southeastern Montgomery, Pennsylvania,
registering *****sapiens ultimate fate
burgeoning population, which impact great enough
for this lix spittle country bumpkin to ejaculate
(not prematurely) Hawaii hate
to reckon my environmental impact doth irritate
fragile ecosystems, and
holistic lifestyle aye would trade
(hint...mebbe ya know
of eco-centric intentional communities)
even (yes absolutely)
necessitating sweat of brow spade
work agreeable to this sometime joker
renting from management Grosse and Quade,
who primarily bolster increasing monies to get paid,
perhaps partnership incorporates hiring maid
service for their own households,
no doubt beds get properly made
yet, this regular John Doe (dependent on
social security disability because
debilitating panic attacks undermined
ability to function found (yours truly) laid
up (prior to acquiescing strong suggestions
to accept prescription medication), where grade
to cope much less steep, plus un huff frayed,
now rowing tha old skiff to destination
for to long not fostered and delayed
(christened matthew scott harris) to feign charade
nod duh so merrily lee down the time stream.
Like a fly without his/her buzz
even popping a guarana (caffeine) does
not shake the feeling
like brain covered with fuzz
no matter how hard I try eyelids claps
shut nor how many hours of sleep elapse
offers nary reprieve folds
welded tightly shut
feel like they weigh
much as a ton mud covered flaps,
thus thought to summon
meager energy reserves perhaps
generating poetic lines
interrupted by taking constant naps
but no matter eyelids
weigh heavy as a ton steel traps
narcolepsy not ruled out since
tired body struggles as if grasping for air,
yet such fatigued state uncommon for me,
though bothersome to grin and bear
this bout of sleepiness, where this
white knight chess sleeps
trouble free aye declare
quality deep rapid eye
movement marked noticed
since medication taken
to treat debilitating anxiety e'er
concomitant panic attacks, where psyche
got rent asunder send
ding this atheist to hell
episodes pained me
forked flaming tongues flare
ling, immobilizing, paralyzing
and stinging entire body,
hence methinks primary cerebral gear
and cog glommed
like a drain clogged with hair
nonetheless, no alarmist worry,
nor "worst case scenarios" betray
my ordinarily mellow emotional state,
thus any task I must delay
thoughts unstoppably captivated
by snoozing upon
a bed of freshly mown hay,
and then hours later
diminishing fatigue in catchy rye
ming verse aye re: lay
relishing being awake,
the mine true valued self I kin portray.
BEING A DISABLED AMERICAN SEVERE PTSD ANXIETY DISORDER PANIC DISORDER EMOTIONAL PANIC ATTACKS TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY AND NARCOLEPSY I AM BASICALLY UNABLED TO DRIVE OR OPERATE A MOVING VEHICLE I NEVER DROVE A CAR TOO BAD MY IDENTITY THIEF DIDN'T TAKE THAT IN CONSIDERATION WHILE STEALING MY IDENTITY IT BASICALLY MEANS SHE CAN'T BE ON THE ROAD ANY FLORIDA ROAD LAST TIME HER HYUNDAI FLIPPED IN SPRING HILL GOD ONLY KNOWS HOW MANY PILE UPS ARE UP AND COMING IN HER WAKE THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO DEAL TO BE MADE WITH THE DEVIL THEE HARSH INTIMADATION TACTICS BULLYING IT BEYOND CRUEL PERSONS OF POWER ASSIST IN THE TAUNTING CHEERING THE IDENTITY THIEF ON HER FRAUDULENT ENDEAVOR FALSIFYING HUMAN LIVES TO GAIN WHAT A HYUNDAI KARMA WATCHING ALL THOSE EMPLOYEES IN ATLANTA FRAUD WASTE THRIVES IN THE SOUTH I AM VERY LUCKY TO BE ALIVE COULD YOU IMAGINE BURGULARS ARRIVING GIVE ME YOUR IDENTITY OR YOUR LIFE OF COURSE THE IDENTITY THIEF HAS NO REGUARDS FOR THE ABUSE OF POWER LOSING THIER CAREERS TO ASSIST IN A SHEER COVER UP THIS NEVER EVER LAST SOONER OR LATER MISTAKES ARE MADE IN SPITE OF POWER FALSIFYING DATA TO ALLOW ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT TO GAIN DRIVERS LICENSE BY HACKING INTO AMERICAN DRIVERS NO WONDER THE HIGHWAY PATROL IS SO BUSY SCRAPPING UP HUMAN REMAINS DRIVERS LICENSE IN THE WRONG HANDS IS MURDER IN THE FIRST DEGREE IT CERTAINLY SHOULD BE NO DEAL ON FAKE DRIVERS LICENSES MOVE ACCORDINGLY STOP TERRORISTS THREATS MARC AUTOS 3181 PALM BEACH BLVD FORT MYERS FLORIDA ASK FOR CIRO GARGANO TELL HIM YOU NEED 30 CAR TITLES ON THOSE STOLEN VIN NUMBERS DON'T FIRGET TO CALL JD BYRIDER FOR THE DEALERS TAGS FOR THE VEHICLES ON THE FRONTLINE REPOS IN THE BACK ITS AMAZING WATCHING CORRUPTION AT ITS FINEST HOUR CIRO CONTROLLED PERSONS OF POWER BEING A USED CAR SALESMAN HE PAID OFF DMV EMPLOYEES ALL THE TIME EVERY MONTH HE FALSIFY PAPER TAGS TO CARS WITH NO TITLE THAT'S HOW HE RAN HIS CAR LOT SO I'M NOT SURPRISED HE IS SEATED WITH MY IDENTITY THEIVES USING ABUSE OF POWER TO COMMIT HORRID CRIMES AGAINST FLORIDA DRIVERS NO DEAL ON DEALERS INC MURDER INCORPORATE WATCH OUT FOR HYUNDAIS THE DRIVER HAS A FAKE LICENSE FROM MARC AUTOS USED CAR LOT SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW SOMETHING NEVER CHANGE EXCEPT CIRO GARGANO NOW SELLS GOLF CARTS IN SENIOR COMMUNITY STILL FALSIFYING VIN NUMBERS GOFT CART TITLES FALSIFYING DRIVERS LICENSES
Sisyphus had Syphilis which had traveled to his brain
a man of pleasure once but now he was stuck on a slope
got no spouse no kids to help not even a demimondaine
had he been lucid he’d abandoned his toil or used a rope
tied fast to the mountain peak but failed and tried in vain
could have down with magic fruit or used a whiff of dope
he had serious attachment issues in his case with a stone
had used a self help guide which requested him to let loose
counsellors were scarce in ancient times so he asked a crone
of doubtful provenance yet her advice was very much obtuse
bury a crow at midnight’s peak she posited but tie it to a bone
but as the legend goes he had no string so he had an excuse
boulder line syndrome one would say in current modern times
anxiety anger panic attacks and obsessive compulsive traits
could have done with cognitive therapy to overcome his climbs
he would not surrender though to failure and heavy weights
repeat attempts of treating madness had left him in dire straits
had post traumatic stress that mounted up in repetitive confines
his folks had told him ever so kind to not give up the challenge
to be resilient in face of hardship or defeat and when troubled
unless you stand firm and accept your task life will take revenge
obedient as he was made to be his senseless efforts he redoubled
was adamant that it was his pursuit to lift rocks to build a henge
his venereal illness helped in a strange way to not feel too befuddled
a place of worship on a plateau could not be erected in one session
he knew it might take a lifetime of labour effort and determination
foundations are the basis and he continued with undeterred passion
his fellows simply watched astonished with his tolerance for frustration
they thought we knew all along that lewd hookers left quite an impression
and intercourse if unprotected facilitates bedlam insanity and degeneration
05th July 2020
Hallelujah medical coverage reinstated!
Prior to the morning
of August 15th, 2019
this joker riddled and
judiciously hollerith,
punched with anxiety
approximately couple weeks earlier
prophetic notification
courtesy public assistance office
Norristown, Pennsylvania
wrought psyche asunder
worse news than plagued
with most pernicious disease
slack jawed rendered me
speechless, and breathless
jobless since...forever
debilitating social anxiety,
plus disabling panic attacks,
an unprovable conjecture
neurological behavioral malady
possibly evident in utero,
if fetal ultrasounds widespread
or hollow needle inserted
into the uterus
sampling amniotic fluid
luck of the draw
ex post facto
accentuated, kickstarted,
under_scored...
extreme tightly coiled tension
evident when ambulatory
evinced frequent rigidity
regarding physical movement
whereby boyhood self
tumbled down stairs
(this based on
anecdotal information),
yet earliest physiological
recollections bring to mind
never feeling relaxed poise
most always stiff movements
affected bodily actions
only as young adult
after experiencing
prolonged social withdrawal
friendlessness, emotional
detachment among family of origin
crippling bouts of
vertigo, racing heart
profuse perspiration
nausea... ad nauseum
eligibility qualified me
to receive social security disability
a congenital trait, I loathe
now more than ever
yes, blessedly grateful
to receive Medicare,
which status evaluated every year
mainly predicated on
increased finances, a
greater chance,
I get struck by lightning
versus garnering monetary windfall.
Memory houses soul asylum vestige...
where complex edifice once anchoring
venerated Glen Elm demesne once stood,
now nothing except vinyl city!
I recall breathtaking, expansive, incredible
numerous, tremblingly awe inspiring views
billion miles (slight exaggeration) heavenly
sights comfortably ensconced, while perched
high atop sadly long since demolished complex
edifice anchoring Glen Elm demesne – summer
mansion property captain Leiper (circa early
nineteen hundreds) more'n century ago once
encompassing hundred plus acres whittled to
approximately 2.42811 hectares upon purchase
February twenty eighth ninety sixty eight by
papa Boyce Brandon Harris, insync with help
courtesy paternal grandpa Aaron Harris, the
former who invested blood, sweat and tears,
when not yoked, tethered, obligated... to
incumbent duties consonant with assignments
linkedin, when gainfully employed as top notch
mechanical engineer at General Electric, he
slaved away gentrifying neglected fixer upper
(matter of fact single handedly reshingled roof)
that same exterior hideaway offering solace
against imprecation, ostracization, ultimatum...
damnation, humiliation, laceration, (albeit verbal
lashing against yours truly), when exhibiting no
motivation to work (courtesy thank debilitating,
immobilizing, paralyzing anxiety/panic attacks),
now though still plagued with same understood
as congenital (possibly in utero) malady, yes an
abominable, execrable, implacable..., nemesis
which unpleasant memories haunt me even to
this day, whereby nothing but utter failure cast
dark shadows analogous to edge of night oft
times accompanied with suicidal ideations,
whereat damned, continually bereft, abysmal
bereft legacy testimony marginally functioning
as the token "scapegoat" throughout twelve
torturous years yielding absolute zero aptitude
unable to comprehend, (I strongly suspect die
hug noses along high functioning autistic
spectrum - case in point youngest of two sweet
progeny (both daughters) afflicted with yepper
aforementioned cognitive learning disability,
she benefited social services since birth, and
can attest to much more positive academic,
and socialization endeavors well on her way
living clear and free empowered at twenty
orbitz round the earth.