Long Look at Poems
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Everytime he came around he was trying to be my pal my homey but everytime you think you got to know me I'm so spontaneous like the combustion banging inside the chamber of the revolution that we have started have we left our mark here is it the mark of the beast or the mark that came in the leap year as you leap then we can play leap frogs and leave all your friends in the dust and see who you can trust is it GOD or is it
Just a in must Of course I crush any adversary Of course I was more than actually there I was living I was dying I was losing my blood in the middle of the battle I heard a rattle and seen my best friend pull the trigger and kill his goddamn self I was young a was probably about 10 then I was hanging with motherers that were ringing they were bringing me alcohol and I was drinking it I was at every party and thats just the beginning of it Just cause I went back in my past and unburied a gem you couldn't sell any where of course i got some value I'm a playa and I live in a palace crooked look at the jewels of course you could never see them cause you couldn't feel them get past Peter at the doors man I swear to GOD he would hit you with the sword and okay close the gates of hell open a better chapter everything in this Life I've been chasing after it this ain't an excuse I use to train y'all yall used to follow me it was a game yall but they ain't got no woods around here or no trees either how you gonna see me if we gonna see each other Yeah it was my really my mother who saved me yeah it was really satan that tried to take me out this world now they got sentences that they're piling up of course I got a smile now maybe GOD might make me into the man of GOD HE said I was going to be my birth was prophesied about before I was ever born and I have never sworn
I wake up and my room feels like it’s eighty-five degrees
My roommate is gone, not sure she will be coming back
No one is telling me anything, I am not stupid or dumb
Here comes my aid, time to wash me up and help me dress
She comes in bubbly and smiling as she tells me she is excited
She found her son’s toy he wanted for Christmas, He has it now
I go out into the common room for breakfast and look at the tree
It’s brightly lit with colorful flashing bulbs and generic ornaments
Merry Christmas I hear people say, it must be Christmas today
We sit and watch hallmark movies, some of us play bingo
We wait for our ham dinner, not like the ones I used to cook
Vague memories flash in my head, my husband, handsome, smiling
I haven’t seen his face in over fifteen years, still outliving him
My family is all gone, we lost our only child at eighteen years old
Getting old and being alone is a lonely place to be, what’s on TV?
Here comes our meal, where’s the wine and the shrimp, where am I?
I used to make a chocolate yule log for a house full at Christmas
My head is feeling foggy, I am tired, I think I will just go lie down
They say it’s Christmas today, but to me it’s just another day
12/18/19
Contest: The Darker Side of Christmas
Sponsor: Richard Lamoureux
I've almost forgotten it.
It got too big -
holes appeared,
entire towns fell through them.
The Forbidden City
is a convoluted red and gold ribbon
my mind cannot now untangle.
Images float off the ink
of curling maps.
Snapshots flutter
like flags in a desert sky.
I recall in parts and pieces:
middle-aged couple’s street dancing,
no revolutionary strutting,
just Quickstep, Foxtrot,
and Bossa Nova.
The young watching,
taking notes, as if
studying for an exam.
A small one-armed boy,
riding a peddle bike
weaving through traffic,
four black cormorants strapped to his back,
necks craning out of their wicker cage
like sight-seeing dogs.
A quick look at Mongolia
through a hole in the Wall.
China got loose,
it escaped the hotels,
the tour buses, the itinerary.
It went down a crowded alley,
draped with roast ducks
and paper lanterns.
If I were to follow it,
it might lead me
to a restaurant in London,
San Francisco, or Toronto,
or like today
come together again
in the face of a girl
who sells me a phone
at Radio Shack.
Concrete
Cold pavement
I watch the shadows huddle by the subway vent
Fear
Heavy and deep
Afraid of where I’ll lay my head to sleep
Toronto winds
They cut like glass
Counting every nickel as the minutes pass
I walk
I wait
Checking every receipt by the iron gate
Don't call me cheap
No don't call me cheap
I’m just building a floor so I don't fall down
I’m just building a floor so I don't fall down
I’m just building a floor so I don't fall down
Safe and sound
Racks
Rows of wool
Found a winter coat where the bins are full
Soft
Cotton seams
Living out a life on a budget of dreams
Second hand
My hand
Better than the hunger that I can't command
I save
I survive
Keeping my dignity barely alive
One shirt
Used well
I’m wearing it today can't you tell
Don't call me cheap
No don't call me cheap
I’m just building a floor so I don't fall down
I’m just building a floor so I don't fall down
I’m just building a floor so I don't fall down
Safe and sound
It’s an insult
It’s a sting
It’s a bitter kind of thing
When you look at me and laugh
When you look at me and judge
When you look at me and sneer
I see the struggle
I see the sidewalk
I see the truth
[Verse 3]
Style
Is what you make
Not the brand name that you choose to take
Hard
Thrifty grace
I won't let the poverty erase my face
No debt
No shame
Just a different way to play the game
Friends
Listen close
I’m the one who values the most
Pure thrift
Daily wear
Keeping away from the cold despair
Don't call me cheap
No don't call me cheap
I’m just building a floor so I don't fall down
I’m just building a floor so I don't fall down
I’m just building a floor so I don't fall down
Safe and sound
Every single day
Every single day
This is my style
My own style
Don't insult me
No
Don't insult me
Just let me be
Free
I walk by the ocean and look at night
I keep wondering who is watching me
When I look at the night sky,
I see your face with stars shinning like your smile.
When I feel the wind blowing,
I can feel that you are holding me tight.
When I look at the bright moon,
I make a wish to see thy face.
When I hear tides from the ocean,
I feel like your reading your poems to me.
When I have a red rose on the side of me,
It is like seeing your kind gentle heart.
When I am talking to the ocean,
I am actually taking to you.
I do not worry much when I am at the ocean with a red rose.
Because when I kiss the rose,
I’m actually kissing you
Whispering wings flutter
As the angel says to me,
Everything will be alright
If only you would look to see
The sun is shining bright
The blue skies surround you
Everything is clear to see,
When you look at the view
So lift your head
Bring clarity to mind
Fly with me a while,
See what you can find
Whispering wings flutter
As I begin to hear
More pleasant things around
Instead of worry and fear
I begin to feel warmth inside
As bitter cold knocks on my door
I begin to feel lighter
Not so heavy, anymore
I begin to flutter along,
Just like the whispering wings
Of an angel who spoke to me
As I follow, the song it sings
Heidi Sands
1/11/22
The boy from yesterday
comes here and there
not sure where he is going
or where his path leads to...
I look at the pictures from old times
where his eyes where so different
he never liked what I wrote
while his words were black birds to me...
The fall was hard
the origin of all pain
my arms were open
when I still had them...
what I see now is not the same
I don't know who I am anymore
does he know what he ever wanted?
is he lost in a weird fog?
I know I once loved him dearly
now all is so vague
I walk the streets of my life
searching for the answers I'll never get...
I listen to some music
while I cook my meals
a tear falls to my nose
and wakes me up from the dream...
Such distance between us both,
did it have to be this way?
I remember when we sang the same song
down there in the bay...
If there was a church around
I would go to pray
no to the lord I once met
cuz that one doesn't reply...
I just need the solitude
of an empty space
where the pieces of my broken heart
I can sew together again.
Jessica
Aint no life without heartache, aint no love without pain
Someday Mister Blues, he come callin' your name
Aint no life without suffering, aint no heart without loss
Prepare for life's sorrows, get measured up for your cross.
You can be a big hitter or an average Joe,
Live it up in a mansion or some hovel below
You can dress like a pauper or wear the finest of clothes
Aint no hiding from badass, Ol' Mister Blues knows.
You can give it the big licks, 'Look at Me Everyone'
You can live in life's shadows, never seeing the sun
You can be dull and dowdy or the belle of the ball
Till the day he says, 'Howdy', Mister Blues gets us all.
You can ride fancy horses or an old pedal bike
You can suffer in silence or scream all you like
You can be a good father or a prodigal son
When ole Bluesy's out fishing he nets us all, everyone.
Aint no life without heartache, aint no love without pain
Someday Mister Blues he come calling your name
Aint no life without suffering, aint no heart without loss
Prepare for life's sorrows, get measured up for your cross.
There are times when I look back and wonder.
Did I ever do anything right
Seems a never ending problem
Born to party not to fight
Eloquent but never elegant
Brash and bold
Looking for warmth in the night
Too often found only cold
Couldn’t see reason
Couldn’t be told
Some places wish I had never gone
There were some I wish I had stayed
In the agony I cursed the world
Then dropped to my knees and prayed
Travelled a lot where the sun never rose
Always on the wrong side of the track
No matter what seems, I always was blessed
Did an angel have my back.
A never ending battle
Between what was wrong and what was right
Decisions made
By the devil swayed
Can’t win the war if you lose the fight
Do you change the things the did so well
Or change directions in mid stream
On a course headed straight for hell
Turn around and follow the beam
Trying to do a one eighty turn
But the helm is so rusty now
Look at the stars and ask for help
You know where but you don’t know how
You need to go up against the current
It is slowing down your pace
It will be well worth the effort
To dock your boat in a better place.
Does love hurt this much?
When life opened its arms to give me a hug and I embraced it,
Life made me feel alive and I lived my life,
Living with you and feeling your arms around me each time,
Living like two big shadows in the dark together, we seemed inseparable,
Together alive like the blight moon, together forever,
Shining in each other hearts,
Does love hurt this much?
You came into my life when it was empty,
Emptiness that made me feel incomplete,
Hunted by the thoughts that I could be alone,
Now we seem to be together like two shinning coins,
Shining like the bright stars always reflecting our lives,
Does love hurt this much?
While I swim in the sea of life,
Love so pure like the blue sea,
Does love seem to hurt this much?
Emptiness now hunts me again
Emptiness seems to call out my name
Looking at this last possession I hold
Her possession I feel possess me
Painting my old life
So much pain, so much baggage,
Pain that chews and eats me alive,
There you go again chasing your dreams and hopes,
Hopes to find another lover,
Hopes to feel alive again,
I look at this chapter of my life,
A chapter full of joy and sorrow,
Sorrowful tears, I have sprayed
During this cold winter,
Does love hurt this way I feel so much pain and cold in my soul