Long Leicester Poems

is everyone from Barking  Barking mad?
Does everyone In Lambeth do the Lambeth walk?
Is Leicester Square In Leicester?
Is The Elephant And Castle a place where they hide Elephants?
Is Oxford Street in Oxford?
And Paddington a bear?
Highgate...

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LOST IN BRITAIN

Poling, Patching, Nether Wallop, 
Matching Tye and Droop

Plumpton, Lickfold, Puddletown, 
Westward Ho! and Throop.

Hole of Horcum, New Invention,
Boghead, Frome, Cat's Ash

North Piddle, Staines and Pen*stone,
Wash Dyke, East Breast and Flash.

Six Mile Bottom, Mudford...

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Well, well, well!
The whole world knows by now, impossible dreams can come true,
In the game of professional soccer, it has just been proven at Leicester,
Starting the season with a laughable 5,000 to 1 odds of...

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Impossible dreams that give rise to miracles do happen in real life,
How else can one explain  as riotous celebrations burst into life,
There in Leicester City when her football team confirmed their supremacy,
With a final...

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King Power Rhapsody - 
printed by the Leicester Mercury after the victory against Chelsea before Christmas

Is this the real life? Or just a fox fantasy?
Man U now Chelsea, it's a Leicester reality.
Open your eyes, Look...

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In a short time, you will be my executioner.
Your actions shall be considered a favor.
You say to me “Lady, please forgive me”.
I, Mary Stuart, am grateful for your sympathy.
You are putting me out of my...

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I never thought I'd fall out of love with football
I've seen referees make bad decisions, but this super league is the worst ever call
No football fan wins from this, its just the greedy owners bank...

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NB - familiarity with the pronunciation of the British place names in this poem is essential to comprehend some of the lines - and to ensure the tongue twisting effect in parts.

The Seven Siren Sisters...

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“Ay up me duck” sed me dad to me mam,
“Ah'v gorr’us some cobs and some nice Walkers ham”;
“The market was manic” he continued to speak’,
“I popped up to Linekers' to get fruit for the week”;
He...

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Don’t worry.

The head of British Gas
will take a pay cut.
Your favourite watering hole
will never shut.
There may be acid rain
because the ozone layer is kaput,

But someday
it’ll be OK.

Don’t worry.

Elvis Presley will announce
that he is well and...

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Cometh the Season and Cometh the hour,
From our Walkers Crisps past to our new Thai King Power, 
Our fearless blue foxes have lived through the dream, 
Rising up to the top like the richest of...

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Arsenal first Friday, always start well
New signings too, will give Leicester hell
Arsenal easy, next,

Liverpool in the early game, a win at a canter
Watford offer up more presents than Santa
Arsenal easy, Liverpool canter, next,

Chelsea at the...

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There was a old farmers son from Hull
Who went to market to buy a bull
to bid he didn't know how
Ends up buying a sow,
Should have took the old farmer from Hull.



There was a lovely lady...

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We should only eat six sprouts at Christmas
Deem the council who are in Leicestershire
Its no joke, it’s a serious message at Xmas
To reduce waste and not make it higher

We must cut back on crisp pigs...

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But it's Thursday, 
the alarm clock rang and a 
nightingale squawked 
down in Hoxton Square.

A jump start to the day to which 
I will pay a price.

Eyes still feeling sleep gritty and
moving tepidly through the...

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Champions of England, who'd have guessed,
That of all the big teams we'd've played the best?
Not Chelsea or Arsenal or Manchester Teams,
Just little old Leicester with faith, hope and dreams.
Though barely known and under-rated,
This team was...

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 If you go to Villa Park
You'll be in for a lark.
From kickoff the opposition will look on fire
But that is because Villa are so dire.
The goals go in one two three four
By halftime it...

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Blue Cheese

There is Cheshire, Red Leicester, Emmental and Brie,
Double Gloucester and Edam, a delight for all to see,
Stilton, Caerphilly, or Cheddar mature and mild,
Lots of subtle flavours to drive my taste bud’s wild.

There is Lancashire,...

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If Vardy, Mahrez or Kante leave,
I'll be upset but will not grieve,
I'd wish them well and wish them luck,
And send them thanks for risks they took,
That led to that momentous day,
When Leicester blew the league...

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Pop down to the shops Son
I need some bits and bobs
Just a few potatoes
And a dozen crusty cobs
While you’re there, you might as well
Get carrots and some greens
Some frozen peas, some sugar
And a tin of...

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Leicester City.

L eading the Premiership

E xpecting to win this Season
 
I nserting goals  into the net
 
C apable and able football team 
 
E uropean challenge next year
 
S uccess  not expected by...

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As I lay me down to sleep, 
I pray our goal should Schmeichel keep, 
That Vards and Mahrez hit the net
More premier records they're sure to set.
Albrighton and Schlupp will work the wings; Whilst Drink's...

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