Long Hanky panky Poems
Long Hanky panky Poems. Below are the most popular long Hanky panky by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Hanky panky poems by poem length and keyword.
An infinitesimal slight speck tickled
nostril follicle – activated via an itty
bitty, nitty gritty dirt band noah bigger
than a mole luck yule set in motion a
chain reaction, whence mine sensitive
proboscis honker (wheeze - hilly little
bridged fine tuned pug nose aroma
sensor), got unexpectedly in gauged
(in holy matt trim mo’ knee) to achew,
and eschew pledging troth (in favor of
hanky-panky) found this chap feeling
phlegmatic because an endless string
of faux allergic emanations, which
upon subsiding left me throat rather
raspy and voice some octaves deeper
akin to a coterie of celebrated jumping
frogs from Calaveras County, California
took residence and refused leaving
stranglehold upon math rote upon
awakening from a hard day’s journey
into night across the outer limits
of thine twilight zone resurrected
during slumber, yet upon awakening
felt much refreshed and hungry enough
to eat a horse – nee – make that forced
whore – gulped down within a hoof
n hour and now recount how back in
the day when zooming thru the Lilies
of the Valley (whooshing mass elf tubby
an aeroplane) frequent bouts with uber
twittering snapchatting sinus attacks
besieged crinkled, doppelganger expeller
for germs hunting with his clean X
instantaneously for nasal passages
to enter surreptitiously the fecund
effluvia dripping, oozing, and seeping
clear liquid as wintry cold air looses
droplets from out a near frozen nose,
which bloke knows not why frigid blast
stimulates gallimaufry of sniffling
to spurt into a volume of one after
another gesundheit donning, snorting
trumpeting unwittingly confusing
Canadian geese, who misconstrue
the honking from midway centered
facial organ, which angry birds
in tandem with flock of Seagulls
quite perturbed to espy one curmudgeon
chap clapping hands over (what feels
like Smashing Pumpkins on face)
in an effort to stifle subsequent gummy
emissions, which residue expectorated
with heave hoe shove
schnoz el tov blowing into snot-rag.
A sweet young bank teller named Doris
Had a crush on her co-worker, Boris.
But one day while at work
The young clerk went berserk
When she caught Boris banging the manager, Morris.
Doris' secret admirer, Dan Danson,
Was swarthy, tall, and roguishly handsome.
But the next day while at work,
This clerk, too, went berserk,
Took an ATM hostage and held it for ransom.
Dan was embarrassed, didn't want to be caught,
And was going to shut himself up in the vault,
But Boris told him to run,
While Morris called 9-1-1,
And Doris flatly declared that it wasn't her fault.
When the S.W.A.T. team arrived on the scene,
They found everything calm and serene.
Boris told the S.W.A.T. captain that Dan
Had taken both Doris and Morris' van
And fled with the cash from the money machine.
Doris' version, when caught, was more exculpatory
And dripping with details more lurid than gory.
She'd plotted with Dan to create this diversion
To rescue her from that den of perversion,
And now Boris, and Morris, and Doris, and Dan
Are suing each other for the rights to the story.
Today's not one of my better days
Even I have 'em every so often
Believe me mine are rarer than most
Will be chuckling even in my coffin
Sure hope it doesn't freak someone out
And another kicks the bucket as well
A couple of funerals for the price of one
Coffin would be cramped as hell
Don't mind sharing but just imagine
If this dude was from the opposite sex
Some hanky panky would likely ensue
Some real rockin' 'n rollin' by heck
Mourners would scatter pretty damn quick
As they try their damnedest to get out
Nobody's staying for the final word
Lowering us, they'd play “Twist And Shout!”
What silly nonsense, can you imagine
That this could actually take place
Certainly they'd give us a box of our own
Or at least not put us face to face!
© Jack Ellison 2013
They say Adam and Eve pranced around wearing nothing
But fig leafs and the biggest grins the world has ever seen
Imagine NO FREAKING RULES!!!
All they had to worry about were those thorny bushes
And the occasional lightning bolt accompanied by a loud booming voice
Reminding Adam, “You owe me big time for this one, my friend!”
Caine and Abel along with seven other offsprings
Were the result of a lot of hanky panky
Do you blame him??? He was the luckiest dude EVER!!!
My question is, how did they keep those fig leafs in place
Scotch Tape? Elmer's Glue? Velcro?
Also why did they need those damn things to begin with
There wasn't another living soul to be seen
Imagine today, if we walked around naked as a jaybird
The population of the world would soar from 7 billion
To well over 20 billion in a matter of nine months counting twins
I'm not saying we couldn't carry on as usual with our daily routine
But perhaps the routine would be interrupted now and then
I have a suggestion for future generations if this becomes a problem
Think of Drew Carey naked!
© Jack Ellison 2014
She would be queen, oh if indeed she could
after all, she's been where others stood.
So in control of e-mail trolls
she believes herself far better in the know.
The queenly rule is not just a presentable display
as her silent king makes hanky panky in the hay.
She's stern and forceful, once secretary of state
keeping her close inner secrets on her plate.
A pantsuit-wearing globe-trotter
with a desired rule set on her blotter.
But be sure she can be over cautious
quite averse to taking risk for fear of losses.
Negotiate she did and will
but haven't we already taken the same bitter pill?
Too many historic clans
hold the path to freedom's stand
Just two hundred years have come
the dynasty and monarchy never seems undone
They return and take control again
and to the power throne ascend.
I feel just like that old grey squirrel,
whose belly is empty as can be.
He keeps on searching for those acorns,
but he has climbed up a maple tree.
He worked hard and long the whole darn year,
burying his food out on the lawn.
But when he went back to grab a snack,
he had found the whole damn thing was gone.
All because some stupid bureaucrat,
said he had filled out all the wrong forms.
Now there’s nothing left of his nest egg,
to help him survive the winter’s storms.
I keep rolling the dice for sevens,
somehow, I always end up with eight.
Each time I think I’ve reached the garden,
someone has already locked the gate.
Now I’m too old to hanky panky,
and I’m too tired to even care.
Point me towards the supper table,
and just see how fast I’ll make it there.
So don’t dare ask me where I’m going,
'cause I can’t remember where I’ve been.
I’m sick of always losing the race,
Just when will it be my turn to win?
Why do I keep reaching for those dreams,
when I know they’re unattainable.
Anytime I find a little hope,
I know it is not sustainable.
Yes, I know I’m insignificant,
you don’t have to keep pointing it out.
I did not fall off the turnip truck,
with no idea what life’s about.
I know that there are no right answers,
because it’s all just lies and deceit.
But before I even start the race,
seems that I have already been beat.
If you gave a penny for my thoughts,
that’s likely twice what they would be worth.
I may be, ugly, poor, and broken,
but I’ve always been that way since birth.
All I can hope is when I’m buried
somewhere beneath a simple grey stone.
That the epitaph carved into it,
“Here lies a man who didn’t die alone.”
Baila, Lilah; move your thing.
Ragtime; Turkey Trot!
Magic step into the Swing.
Show us ALL you’ve got.
Boogie Woogie; Lindy Hop;
Shim Sham Shimmy it.
Snazzy-jazzy, quick-quick, stop?
Jitterbugs don’t quit!!
Hanky Panky; do the Stroll;
Hand Jive; Twist and Shout.
Mash Potato; Rock and Roll.
Shake it all about!
Go ahead and be a nerd.
Hustle like you do!
Do the Jerk and do the Bird.
And the Hitchhike too.
70’s were kind of fun.
Lift those Disco feet.
You are a phenomenon
Keeping to that beat.
Walk like an Egyptian now.
Macarena’s cool;
Moon Walk too if you know how.
You’re a dancing fool!
Now add Salsa, and Cha Cha;
Mambo in that way
Like you do for Mardi Gras.
Shimmy as you sway.
You’re a Caribbean queen.
Do Calypso, Girl!
Pretty little dance machine,
Whirl and whirl and whirl.
Make the ending really big.
Time to AMPLIFY.
This is not the Irish Jig.
Break it down; be fly.
Power move; do things untried.
Pop it, Fancy Pants,
Krump it; Lock it; Suicide!
Baila, Lilah. Dance!
OLD MA.
Old Ma always gave the kids a nice treat
Always nuts and never anything sweet
But they soon found out why
Nuts were in great supply
Choc nut bars she'd only suck cos no teeth...
NO HIDING PLACE.
An old gangster robbed a bank and he ran
Flew out from Canada then onto Japan
The Mounties tracked him down
In old Tokyo Town
He was caught cos they always get their man...
A WARDROBE MALFUNCTION
Went to a posh restaurant called Vicars
A girl walked out the loo, there were titters
Her face turned a bright red
At what's every girls dread
She'd gone and tucked her dress down her knickers...
DOMINATRIX.
A dominatrix from the state of Maine
Enjoyed hanky panky out in the rain
She'd use a leather fetter
T'would shrink as it got wetter
And her clients would pass out with the pain..
A FRIEND IN NEED.
The outback two mates went to catch a 'roo
One got cut short and said "I need the loo"
A spider crawled up his knee
As he was starting to pee
And bit him hard on his digeridoo...
His mate phoned the flying doctor who said
"Suck out the Poison if it has turned red"
He thought to himself no way
His mate said "well what's he say?"
He said "in 'bout half an hour you'll be dead" ...
LOST THEIR WAY. For Gershon Wolf
Geese flew south they were honking and hinking
Snow storm came they were blinded and blinking
They had no way of knowing
Where the hell they were going
To see them sway you'd think they'd been drinking...
Written 21st October 2020.
He'd return after decades
Spent in imagination. Month
spent in reality. He'd return to the
House of comedy,here,to crack
an heart-taking,wits-arresting,Emotions-
devouring,Land-quaking joke.
He'd return with a robust neck
Seasoned with weeping nerves.
The joke cracker,Let's hear.....
Before he return'd
The gym-ed rodents embroided
with pleasant 6-packs had
summoned a meeting-Impromptu-
Behing the large hall-Hall of fame!
They'd discuss'd-
"Welcome,ye family of pointed
teeths. We're here to announce the
pending return of the Jester. So,with
deep regards floating on apprehended stats.
Let's invade the large hall- Hall of fame.
And destroy his valuable documents.
Let's give room for hanky-panky. Let's
disorganize his hood...."
In succession of their meeting,
They'd prick the discussion by it hem.
And now after he'd return.
All we heard and will hear is;
"A Cracking news that's about
to break- It takes time before news
are broken here-. The federal territory
has been invaded by gyming rats
full of unpreceedented mights and stats.
We would like to elate your heart that
the palace is disorganized....."
And after that,
they'll deep their deflowered hand
Into the draining purse. One hundred
and fifty thousand dollars to buy insecticide
to eliminate
these terrorists-gyming rats.
After that they'll demolish the
Palace on accounts of the terrorists
providence. They'll tame their hearts,
They'll tame their wealths. They'll
tame their consciousness,patience,love
and mistake them for cleverness' Vice.
I've heard them talk of it.
I've seen it happened.
Rats now are braced with
heart pouncing powers. I haven't
heart of this before; Rats with
Bewitching 6-packs,luring hearts
Into corruption. Very soon,
They'll say,the terrorist have
consumed '1000000 dollars' before
His arrival. They'll say,yea,they'll
fashion a qoute from their glottis company;
"None can be underestimated,even rodents
are now terrorists."
Hmmm...... This Jesters!
17:28:08:15:16
I was pretty cranky when my spanky new bike was janky.
The frame was too short for my body, too tall and lanky.
The tires too fat, too hard to push up boggy maintain trails.
The deal I got clearly a lemon janky, all wrapped in hanky-panky.
The bike looked so nice out of the box, its chrome frame so glint and shiny.
The first sign of trouble was rust on the chain, which made me angry.
Squirts of oil needed on chain and axles, to make pedaling smooth.
Front and rear nuts needed tightening, else wheel retention was dicey.
I set off for ride, bike all fixed up and ship-shaped I hoped,
but the brakes did not work when handle grips I groped,
Disaster averted, just in nick of time, by dragging my feet on ground.
The handle bars were loose, the seat too nippy on bum, but some how I coped.
Back home from first ride, mad as hell, I swore I would return the heap of junk,
I found the guarantee and read the fine print, but my hopes were sunk
when I read that the bike could only be returned to get full refund,if never ridden!
So I’m stuck with my Jekyll janky skunk of a bike, deal a flunk, ego shrunk.