Long Gherkin Poems

OOOniversal oo

Frightened tepid antisocial ant was football training avidly but failing to attend a fragrant tailor army. Oh dear. That was sure to be put forward to the sacred sanction ship and the sacred sanction...

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The barrister had always been a liberal thinker

An uprising star with roaming genes of a tinker

In the court-room she never took of her guard

But in real life she had become a nude poet and bard


When...

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A for Ahira not an Apple was found at the tree of life, Sustain ate Manna;
B for Band bananas Black beans in stride;
C for Corianders and Cocoyam's flown in from the skies, sustain ate Manna;
D...

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A back flipping coconut is very very amusing at a ball but ball pits are moving around so one must surely wear wellingtons or a pair of anglers' waders when jumping across such multicoloured curves....

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Adding many components to a stew today? Flavours? Chopped out pieces? How many pieces? Go on how many? It is never the question of how many components that are within the granules that will decide...

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Once upon an ancient time, 
in long gone languid days, 
when distant misted myths bechanced
in lovely rhym'ed ways, 
when time was so much freer, 
less allotted to the minute, 
‘twas then the mighty Big Mac...

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It is not a mind altering parade of substances that questions a rotting ship. It is not a threefold tankard buried in an Abyssinia besom of beads for only a technological advance actually shows such...

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PICKLE PARTY

The pickles were having a party
In the superstore one night.
The manager was home in bed
So they knew they were all right.

It was a singles party,
Each looking for a mate.
Someone to share a jar with
Until...

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I'm itchy, like I need to run outside
More unrest than an itch
I need enveloping in balm
Although that seems a bit final
Balm lite - a hug that has ions
Although I feel so contained 
Balm might suffocate
Ahh...

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The following four lines inspired  my own poem, 'Reasons for Drinking'.

If you look it up on the web, it is descriibed as an "anonymous irish toast".

There are many good reasons for drinking,  

And...

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Oesophagus is an appetite yet is it appropriate? Well in some cases it is merely only a handful of peanuts that shroud an already crowded melon. But what of force in a nation of static?...

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An apple apparatus in a washing up bowl can be tedious, cranky, and generally opinionated. But three or more slices of bread in a toaster can pleasantly remove items of non agile thoughts from any...

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A whirlwind is a magnitude of flight. Wow. Worldy exact. To be exciting is to breathe into caverns. Oh how the external world is not that incredible. Here comes the pretty wasps in skirts. What...

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“It’s a pickle, Puss,” her husband proposes.
“Is it sweet?” she probes.
“It’s a dill, Darling. Just what the doctor ordered.”
The doctor’s face, like vinegar. The nurse didn’t care
for pickles at all. She thought the pickle was...

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If a pickle brings a paddle
To a party in the fall,
And the court is colored umber
And it looks just like the ball,
Would you relish the cucumber
Who was forced to make the call,
Or the dill-ettante not...

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All the Pickled produce gathered
At Branston Manor - if you please!
They entered via a staircase
Made of Jacob's Crackers and Cheese.

The Gherkin Girls and Chutney twins,
Who's names are Tom and Mango
Compete against the Beetroot Troupe
To make...

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Author's note: I dug deep into my archives chest to retrieve this piece of utter nonsense, dear readers, because I thought it would make a good submission for April Fool's Day...


Freckles!
People who have freckles
Are sometimes...

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No bash so far, beats the one in the jar
Emcee DJ Green spins for the jarstar 
No ill will to spill, just dancing on dill
When the lid comes off it’s an open bar!

So relish your...

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Reasons for drinking, there are quite a few,
some people might take a different point of view,
But if when alive, you abstain, I suggest,
That drinking when dead, is unlikely at best.

For those of us, who like...

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CUCUMBERS OR NUMBERS

Here we are together, all as mates
Clustered in several separate plates
Vinegar soaked, as all pickles are
Yet each in our own way, a star
Adding that extra taste to cheese
As our main intention is to...

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Pickling peanuts is never that wise. Who would pour horseradish on a shoe of development. Christmas cards in April must be shit. Unadministered weaponary forces of shrews in igloos never swarm in a flock. So...

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The London Gherkin gives no inspiration
As for the Auditorio de Tenerife by Calatrava
I can think of no other explanation
Except perhaps they shared too many bottles of Cava

The National Grand Theatre built by Paul Andreu
Built in...

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This is a pickle so I'll bear-and-grin it
It's my very own pickle got me IN it

It was always sweet with pickle power
But all these wrappings make it sour

Perhaps you'll get the urge to peel it
For...

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I wondered if owls became depressed
And if they ever cry
Then instead of saying who
They just wondered why

If a man pulls pickles from a jar 
At his place of work
Does he become a pickle plucker
Or a...

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What a fine party, we’ll swim in the brine
Let’s invite Mr. Kosher Dill and Mrs. Gherkin,
I’m sure we’ll make memories to enshrine
If Mr. Sweet wears his favorite wool firkin!
We must invite the Bread-and-Butter twins,
Mr. Crinkle...

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