How the Big Mac Got the Gherkin

Once upon an ancient time, 
in long gone languid days, 
when distant misted myths bechanced
in lovely rhym'ed ways, 
when time was so much freer, 
less allotted to the minute, 
‘twas then the mighty Big Mac got the gherkin in it. 


The night was one made fit for gods, 
and stars made white the sky, 
and drunk, dylsexic old McDonald
sang Oh Eee, Oh Eee, I. 
His greatest yet creation 
sat on his barbie plate, 
it was the mighty Big Mac with no inkling of its fate. 


McDonald thought the pattie lacked 
a certain... 
Il ne savait pas.
He decided what he'd give it was this green thing from a jar. 
But Big Mac cried out, ‘Hang about! 
I like the way I am! 
And I think that what I need the least is a prostate gland exam.' 


McDonald growled, ‘Don't be a sook! 
It's not gonna hurt a bit. 
Just close your eyes and grit your teeth and keep loose where you sit.' 
Big Mac firmly grasped his bun 
and held it really tight, 
he had Phallicvegiephobia and would resist with all his might. 


But McDonald was too smart by far, 
Big Mac was not his match, 
the old bloke snuck up from behind to by surprise him catch. 
Beneath an unsuspecting arm 
he gave a little tickle, 
the burger gave a little laugh and got a little pickle... 


So the Big Mac we all know today 
was born of subterfuge. 
And although the gherkin in it aint really all that huge, 
remember that it's only there 
by the skullest of skullduggery, 
and that bit we discard's the fruit 
of midnight burger buggery.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2013

Poem

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Lamoureux Avatar
July 9, 2013 at 7:49 AM
Your second poem i've read which was your first poem which has elevated you to my favorite list. You are talented.
Dietrich Avatar
April 11, 2013 at 6:35 AM
by the way, it's nearly time for my morning bath, and STILL I am not caught up here even after an hour or more.
Dietrich Avatar
April 11, 2013 at 6:34 AM
hahaha, I am so glad I finally remembered to come back and read this one, i have to fave this one. I think it is your funniest one ever. And I am going to find MY funniest one now to show you how to see it!
Dietrich Avatar
April 10, 2013 at 8:57 AM
soupmail.
Sister Avatar
April 7, 2013 at 9:54 PM
This is truly a masterpiece. Your words flows effortlessly. Enjoyed so much!
Eastman Avatar
April 6, 2013 at 7:41 PM
Facinating read!
Hendricks Avatar
April 3, 2013 at 7:27 PM
hahaha. You're a master storyteller, Red. Just what the doctor ordered!! Phallicvegiephobia? lol. I love it. Innovative use of "dylsexic". Geez, I bow to your poetic prowess. This one is being whisked off to my fave list because here's a couple of lines I intend stealing. Licia :)
Merryman Avatar
March 30, 2013 at 11:01 AM
Red, congrats on your win with this humorous write! Love, Kim
Tams The Golden Girl Avatar
March 28, 2013 at 4:06 AM
Congratulations on your win Red xx
A  Avatar
March 27, 2013 at 5:32 PM
Red, The New Poets of 2013, Congratulations in this contest. Hope to read more of your poems soon. Take Care*SKAT
Gasun Avatar
March 25, 2013 at 11:39 AM
This is a great write and I'm so much delighted to read it tonight my dear Red! thanks for sharing your great talents! Big congrats on your super win! love/hugs, Leonora
Jones Avatar
March 25, 2013 at 8:35 AM
Loved it Red..congrats...Donna
Williams Avatar
March 25, 2013 at 5:31 AM
Great write and congatulations Red
A   Avatar
March 24, 2013 at 8:22 PM
Red, CONGRATULATIONS with the first poem you posted on the soup :-) it was an honor in hosting this contest for the New Poets of 2013. Thank you for the support. Please enjoy your winning poem. By the way, I posted a blog in honor of the poets who made the list of this contest. The blogs name ----> ""I got the answer :-) What is a poet?"" please check out the blog when you have time. It's a nice gesture from me to you ~ xox ~ LINDA
Duncan Avatar
March 9, 2013 at 12:42 PM
Always wondered about that, cute ;}
A   Avatar
March 7, 2013 at 8:50 AM
Good morning ;-) mmmmm, Did you say big mac. Red, love the clever way you proposed the Big Mac way... a little tickle goes a long way... thanks for the reason why i discarded the fruit.. he he he..LINDA
Honeytip Avatar
February 28, 2013 at 4:15 AM
I read this out loud to my sister in the kitchen.....so unbelievably funny, clever, imaginative and naughty. Pure Red O'Mara at his finest :-) A poet to look up to <3
O'Leary Avatar
February 27, 2013 at 1:31 PM
Funny & clever... Terry
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