Long Funnydad Poems
Long Funnydad Poems. Below are the most popular long Funnydad by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Funnydad poems by poem length and keyword.
Our lab named “Blackjack”, looks just like a bear
Jet black and grey, the color of his hair.
He’s an English Lab, with the big wide head
We bought him instead, of buying a bed.
He wouldn’t come in, in the barn he’d live
“Jack” ran and he played, lots of love to give.
While we were at work, my dad would hang out
He’d come to the farm, let “Jack” roam about.
One day dad was mad, he fell in the stones
He was so lucky, he didn’t break bones.
He called “Jack” to come, to feed him his treat
“Jack” came from behind, knocked dad off his feet.
This happened again, no brains did he lack
For he was quite smart, just don’t turn your back.
“Jack” loved taking off, to the field he’d run
He thought this a game, and found it quite fun.
When he would get mad, the barn he would chew
Where the nails went, we hadn’t a clue.
He grew up quite strong, protector at that
He chased off foxes, and sometimes a bat.
He had his own house, when we moved to town
He’d take everything, if not all glued down.
Knives, hats and helmets, and many a shoe
Footballs and baseballs, and newspapers too.
He thought it was fun, to set up his house
Probably even chased, out many a mouse.
Tried studding out “Jack”, the poor guy was old
The female was smart, he couldn’t get hold.
“Jack” went out for runs, snuck out of the gate
We’d catch him most times, or else we would wait.
“We just saw your dog”, “but he wouldn’t come”
“Tried giving him bones”, he sure wasn’t dumb.
He’s one of a kind, we love and adore
And when you pet him, he falls to the floor.
He’d sit up quickly, and hand you his paw
You know he’s special, from what you just saw.
Listen to everything I tell you son
You will see that you will have fun
Go to the house of Lady Loo
Knock on the door and do what I tell you to do
So with dad’s advice at hand I knock
The most beautiful woman from Bangkok
She gave me a welcoming embrace
And looked at my pimply braced face
Then she led me through a door
Into a room full of joys and more
“Lay her on the bed”
“And handcuff her hands to it behind her head”
So I did exactly what dad had said
With my face a bright pimply red
She said “who’s son are you boy?”
With my clothes off, she screamed “Mr. Smith’s” in joy
As her eyes googled my toy
Now me knees were knocking a tune
So I dressed and was out there with a zoom
Met my dad out side
He took me home in his ride
As my braces glisten by the light of the moon
He said “ That’s an experience, wasn’t it fun”
“Now I have a man for a son”
Three months later in the papers I read
Lady Loo found dead
Her hands handcuffed behind her head
As dry as a prune on her bed
"Howard woncha say a few wurds?
Cum on Howard like over tha bird."
Says Aunt Jen visitin' fer the holeeday.
Weuns are seated tha eight of us at this here sumpchus dinner table,
Lookin' at the damndest big brown poultry ya iver seen.
Howard ma Dad is jist liftin' a forkful a meat drippin' gravy an dressin'.
Tha rest of us heseetate not knowin' what's a cumin.'
Our familee niver did give no thanks fer nuthin'.
Now dad lays down the heepin fork careful like chokes then beegins -
"Weeeellll Lord I chased ol' Mahitabel all roun' tha yard.
She knew what was a cumin' an' diseepeered inta the rushes by tha pond.
Couldn't see her nohow but put a barrel-full inta the weeds anyways
Heered this here squawk!
Looked all through tha stalks fer old Mahitabel,
Niver found her
But! Lord we do now thank ye most bounteefullee fer this here swan.
A men"
This Halloween, I tried something different. I went as a Go-Go dancer! The Hardly Boys
Get clues when they solve mysteries. My dad thought it was a good idea for me to take our
Monkey Scooter along, because every good detective is a Butt Pirate, he said.
Things went along smoothly until Scooter saw our neighbor's ***** and chased it up and
into his skin. I almost dropped my crack/cocaine, but luckily, Scooter doesn't rape very soft.
We then went to Bob The Builder's house to meet him and his little sister. I hate Trick or
Treating with fat pieces of B.s. like her. They are no fun! But Bob The Builder's dad said
we had to take the fat crack whore along.
Well, it was a good thing I was a Meth addict, because Bob The Builder's vagina ran away
from us and we were really scared that it was lost. Luckily, Scooter ate his little sister
out.
So everything was OK, I'm such a rapist!
Thick as a brick.
Misunderstood.
Alas a teenage daughter
Got in the family way,
Such they are the times
What more can you say.
It was getting near her time
But still she wanted out,
To the pub or just the pictures
She didn"t mind being stout.
Then one night it happened
While she was all alone,
Nature took Her course
She fumbled for the phone.
The time was nearly midnight
It was dad who was awoken
'Can you come and get me,
I think my waters broken.'
'Okay' shouts her dad
'tell me where you are,
You just say the place
I"ll go get the car."
He jumped up out of bed
Put slippers on his feet
'Where are you ringing from?'
'From my knickers to my feet.'
Grade one, oh, how I had so much fun!
Grade two; I painted pictures with colours red white and blue
Grade three, the year I fixed a rope swing to a great oak tree
Grade four, 6 stitches for banging my head of that bloody door!
Grade five, touching the electrics! I’m lucky to be alive.
Grade six, lots of mischief and all sorts of naughty tricks
Grade seven; I was a darling boy that was on track to go to heaven!
Grade eight, please Dad I will be good, I hope it’s not too late?
Grade nine, the summer my dad gave me my 1st glass of wine!
Grade ten, the year I washed my shirts to find a leaking black pen
How I remember my life in a stage or grade,
Not a year passes by where these memories fade.