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Premium Member The Punny Side of Life

Was going to look for my missing watch
But just couldn't find the time
Simply no telling where my mind is going
This very strange mind of mine

Here's the ultimate groaner, my friends
I used to be a good tap dancer
But then one sad day I fell in the sink
Asked how I was, couldn't answer

D'ya hear about the crime that happened
In a downtown parking garage?
It was so damn wrong on so many levels
Heard it was a case of sabotage

With the scary approach of the apocalypse
Armageddon out of here
That's silly, whoever's coming up with these
Is more than just a little bit weird

A man had a difficult time bouncing back
From a  serious bungee cord accident
Been to the dentist and I know the drill
Tells me toothaches you can prevent

Reading a great book about anti-gravity
Find it almost impossible to put down
It's floating around the living room all day
One time it nearly broke my crown

Dead batteries are sometimes given away
Free of charge I have heard
Think someones's trying to brighten my day
Now that is downright absurd

© Jack Ellison 2013
Form: Quatrain


Premium Member Free of Charge

I posted my sign in front of my garage,
"All Must Go, Batteries Free Of Charge."
Suddenly I was met with a large barrage,
of people taking all of my batteries from my garage.
That mistake drove me into bankruptcy.
Everyone thought I was giving away batteries absolutely free,
but that wasn't what I meant in reality.
I intended to sell batteries at a discount, because I didn't charge any,
but, "Batteries For Sale, Free Of Charge," sounded confusing to me.
Our everyday language could use some evolving,
towards a language not open to interpretation,
like the languge used in science, architecture, engineering,
mathematics, physics, biology and medicine. 
If everyday language interpreted medicine,
we couldn't perform surgery, and the death toll would keep climbing.
If everyday language interpreted engineering,
we couldn't build bridges, worldwide they'd be falling.
Blueprints aren't open to interpretation,
they read the same whether you are Chinese, Russian or American,
and the finished product will always be the same thing.
Our everyday language is subject to all kinds of interpretation,
and that's why most problems often continue to happen.
Form: Rhyme

Rejection Slips 4

Rejection Slips 4

Editor's Notes
by Michael R. Burch
 
Eat, drink and be merry
(tomorrow, be contrary).
 
( and complain
in bad refrain,
but please, not till I'm on the plane!)
 
Write no poem before its time
(in your case, this means never).
 
Linger over every word
(by which, I mean forever).
 
By all means, read your verse aloud.
I'm sure you'll be a star
(and just as distant, when I'm gone);
your poems are beauteous (afar).


Less Heroic Couplets: Rejection Slip
by Michael R. Burch

pour Melissa Balmain

Whenever my writing gets rejected,
I always wonder how the rejecter got elected.
Are we exchanging at the same Bourse?
(Excepting present company, of course!)

I consider the term “rejection slip” to be a double entendre. When editors reject my poems, did I slip up, or did they? Is their slip showing, or is mine?



Ode to Postmodernism, or, Bury Me at St. Edmonds!
by Michael R. Burch

"Bury St. Edmonds—Amid the squirrels, pigeons, flowers and manicured lawns of Abbey Gardens, one can plug a modem into a park bench and check e-mail, files or surf the Web, absolutely free."—Tennessean News Service. (The bench was erected free of charge by the British division of MSN, after a local bureaucrat wrote a contest-winning ode of sorts to MSN.)

Our post-modernist-equipped park bench will let
you browse the World Wide Web, the Internet,
commune with nature, interact with hackers,
design a virus, feed brown bitterns crackers.

Discretely-wired phone lines lead to plugs—
four ports we swept last night for nasty bugs,
so your privacy's assured (a threesome's fine)
while invited friends can scan the party line:

for Internet alerts on new positions,
the randier exploits of politicians,
exotic birds on web cams (DO NOT FEED!) .
The cybersex is great, it's guaranteed

to leave you breathless—flushed, free of disease
and malware viruses. Enjoy the trees,
the birds, the bench—this product of Our pen.
We won in with an ode to MSN.

Keywords/Tags: rejection, rejection slips, write, writing, poet, poets, poems, poetry, internet, social media, society, culture, virus, viruses, viral, coronavirus, malware, world wide web
Form: Rhyme

Premium Member A Clowder of Cats and a Murder of Crows

For those avid crossword groupies of which I are one,
I'm offering free of charge vital data to add to your fun.

So you're stuck on 15-down for the name of a barren of mules!
Groups of creatures you can now name if you use this set of rules!

A group of apes is a shrewdness and a gang of asses is a pace.
Tigers are a streak and you'd better streak should they give chase!

Can you believe that skittish plovers are called a congregation?
(I wonder, perhaps Baptist, Lutheran, Catholic or other denomination?)

You might see a cackle of hyenas or a tower of giraffes at zoos,
Or if on a Kenyan safari a bloat of hippos or a fleet herd of gnus.

The name for a prickle of porcupines is an appropriate moniker for sure!
A sleek bunch of ferrets is called a business, and, why, I'm unsure.

Pesky squirrels are called a scurry and a warren is for rabbits.
(There are many warrens of rabbits due to their promiscuous habits!)

Badgers are grouped as a cete and leopards are known as a leap;
Moles are known as a labor and a herd or drove identifies sheep.

Parliaments of owls meet in trees and eagles in convocations.
Jellyfish waft about in smacks and peacocks strut in ostentations!

Screeching cormorants are a gulp which sounds mighty weird.
Steer clear of a crash of rhinos since they are to be feared!

Charming finches are called a charm and larks an exaltation,
Turkeys a rafter, frogs an army and starlings a murmuration.

Locusts are known as a plague and cockroaches an intrusion.
An unkindness of ravens and their raucous caws just causes confusion!

Groups of humans are known as Republicans, Democrats or Nazarenes,
Jerks and morons but this barely includes all human species by any means!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) 2014 All Rights Reserved
Form: Rhyme

Premium Member We Did It Our Way On Our Wedding Day

Marriage – our commitment for LIFE as husband and wife

It wasn’t a leap year when I proposed to you
But I'd got down on one knee,  as it’s traditional to do!

We organised and paid for our own wedding day 
This meant we had control and could do it ‘our' way

We got married two years to the day from our very first date 
Both of us bubbling over with excitement, we just couldn’t wait

My hair was perfect, make up and manicure too
I wanted to look absolutely beautiful for you

The dress was of pretty peach, not a formal wedding dress 
I’m not one for fussy frills and flounces I must confess 

You wore a charcoal coloured suit and looked so very smart 
Our vows committed us forever – I love you with all my heart 

After our registry office ceremony we had a lovely meal
A carvery for close family and friends, the venue was ideal 

We held a huge party for 300 guests later on that night
Our wedding day was perfect everything turned out right

The wedding night was spent at a beautiful local hotel
On learning it was our wedding day they really did excel 

They upgraded us free of charge to their honeymoon suite 
With champagne and chocolates and fresh fruit to eat



Edited and submitted to love poem contest
Sponsored by Heidi Sands


Contest My Wedding Day
Sponsor Olive Eloisa Guillermo
02~25~16
Form: Couplet


Premium Member Spider Robinson's Plug In

sitting, spine curling, eyes glassy in rebound reflection 
internal struggle in cyberspace brings smiles and a few brief howls
feeding off my own mass, I disregard this reality

neural synapses tickle the pleasure centers free of charge
have I eaten, have I bathed, have I moved in how many hours 
regard the fantasy, I am the princess ax in hand

clans form around the click and ping the web drawn tight glows
world within world, the always ever after grows and grows, unreal
reality, the construct of naive minds, re-envisions itself



First Published by [Insert Coin Here] Anthology 2013
By A Kind of a Hurricane Press
Form: Sijo

Premium Member Engaging the Senses

I believe that long ago, the universe’s most artistic landscaper 
mixed woodlands with tropics, rock formations with mountains,
volcanic craters with lush valleys, and cascading waterfalls with
pristine still waters before blending all with an ocean and 
topping it off with sunshine.  Man named this place, Hawaii.  
The absolute awe that defines Hawaii, is bound to awaken 
any slumbering faith and rejuvenate any emotion grown numb 
to the brilliance of life.  While visiting the Islands of Hawaii, I 
absorbed a joy and wonder from the plants that delightfully 
startled my own routine senses.  I have been blessed in my life 
to personally view beautiful and eye-catching plant life in many 
regions of the world.  In Hawaii, the plants adorning and tending 
the islands are the most dramatic, glorious and enchanting that 
my vision has ever drunk.  There is an otherness to Hawaiian flora 
that suggests plants are empowered with the ability to uplift, 
stimulate and captivate even the most withdrawn human vision.

entrancing colors
paint a wonderland terrain ~
landscaped free of charge

bodacious flora
thrives in hawaii's landscape ~
no mute legs walk there
Form: Haibun

Premium Member The Jews

Years ago, my aunt developed mesothelioma.  She and her husband did not have money for medical care. It was a Jewish hospital that took her in, and helped her through her last days free of charge.
The Jews have built many hospitals, made contributions to many charities, and established many foundations. The list is endless.
 Jews have been instrumental in government and finance. They have served in our American armed forces from recruits to high level generals and admirals.
I have never seen a Jew burn an American flag.
I have never heard of a Jew cry out for his God while assaulting a woman. 
Jews take their God seriously, and are respectful In prayer.
Jews are good pet owners. Many Jews own cats and/or dogs. Jews recognize dogs as one of God's gifts to all of us.
Jews endure a lot of hate and bullying, yet they stay strong.
Form: Prose

Premium Member The Punny Side of Life

Was going to look for my missing watch
But just couldn't find the time
Simply no telling where my mind is going
This very strange mind of mine

Here's an ultimate groaner, my friends
I used to be a good tap dancer
But then one sad day I fell in the sink
Asked how I was, couldn't answer

D'ya hear about the crime that happened
In a downtown parking garage?
It was so damn wrong on so many levels
Heard it was a case of sabotage

With the scary approach of the apocalypse
Armageddon out of here
That's silly, whoever's coming up with these
Is more than just a little bit weird

A man had a difficult time bouncing back
From a  serious bungee cord accident
Been to the dentist and I know the drill
Tells me toothaches you can prevent

Reading a great book about anti-gravity
Find it almost impossible to put down
It's floating around the living room all day
One time it bonked me on my crown

Dead batteries are sometimes given away
Free of charge I've heard
Think someones's trying to brighten my day
Now that is downright absurd
Form: Rhyme

Premium Member Backwards

The wind blasts from the sea, a paper cup falls down
I’m gazing at the sand beneath my feet
Why should I listen to these noises on the background
Is there another small cafe around to sit
Time heals but it remains unclear what 
The pain subsides, then it evolves into the new
And that new pain is just exactly like the old
Time’s not a goodwill paramedic in my view 
Self-deprecation is a healer free of charge
A tunnel vision tunes the optics of the heart 
Troubles diminish, and small pleasures look enlarged
The view clears up and there we are, never apart
Sometimes I’m able to perceive the memories
As if I’m living backwards, sit and wait 
Just yesterday, I smelled your roses in the breeze
You said you’d called me, but I called you back too late.
Form: Rhyme

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