Long Elephant Poems
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(William Hammer, Thomas Alva Edison's assistant,
has reached the end of his tolerance. His boss is
planning to electrocute an elephant for a publicity
stunt.)
If he goes through with this, the dam has burst.
I'm done with him. Of all the tricks he's pulled,
this is the lowest, cheapest, cruellest. Worst.
Yes, Edison. He can't be serious,
can he? To execute an elephant?
He's out there, grinning like a Barbary ape.
Where two or more newspapermen are gathered,
Alva loses all his self-control.
He'll be there now, perspiring, shouting, lathered,
excited to his flinty, vulgar soul.
I'm William Joseph Hammer. Who are you?
A quarter-century I've spent with him,
but now the scales have fallen from my eyes.
The man's a pirate and a charlatan.
Inventor? Him?
Well, since I'm stranded here
in shabby Coney Island in the rain,
ignored and slighted, spited yet again,
I'll tell you. Edison did not invent
the light bulb - that's what he employed me for.
Besides, I'll name a dozen scientists
who'd made a working lamp some years before.
What is he good at? He's a patent-mill!
He takes out patents like a dentist, teeth
(except that dentists never put their name
on what they've pulled). The man has got no shame.
The team has all the talent, he the grin:
we think the thoughts, and Alva cashes in.
I think he's met his match in Westinghouse.
The so-called war of currents. Who will win?
America will buy one set of goods,
and where this country leads, the others go.
To get his system in American homes,
He'd kill his grandma.
Hence this all-time low.
He's worse than Czolgosz. At the very least,
the latter had nobility, although
misguided. Alva has no other cause
beyond himself. Those motion picture-things
are here for Alva's glory. When the blow
extinguishes that poor beast's life, you'll know
whose self-promoting hand was on the tiller.
Saint Thomas Alva Edison's a killer.
From the Elephant's diary
You find me giantly like Gulliver, huge and obese
but I met my doc, he said take it with ease....
for you big is more beautiful so eat more cheese
I am on my diet of sugarcane juice,
lush green grass n' tons of bamboos
Mammoth was my forefather not anymore seen
Now I know being gigantic is in my genes
Instructor at the gym shooed me away
for I broke his treadmill with my single step I say
We love to have our bath in nature's pool
We dabble water with our trunk till we are all cool
A relaxing shower for all friends after hectic schedule!
In our forest club, trophy for best music band,
we won last week for our trumpet troupe!
Large is our family my Jumbo uncle says,
Old and wise he is in our tuskers' herd
He says our eyes are small, to see
only little good left in this big bad world
And our ears are large to fan away
the gossips and bad we hear
Thick skin we do have so called pachyderms
to shrug off the hurling vices of the woods
but we have a large heart to spread
loads of love to all species widespread
In history, we have a place reserved
for in wars and royal processions,
we were used as pride symbols he says
Revered animals we are since eons.....
In country called India, heritage animal we are
and even worshipped in religious places he says!
Huge boulders or logs ,mankind used us for transport
We even entertain them in zoos and circus
But he regrets that we are poached, killed by men
to pull out pair of our incisors called tusks
who polish to make precious ivory to earn bucks
So useful and harmless friends to humans we are
I asked my uncle why so cruel the men are?
He said men show their power
of being Nature's superior creature
we elephant folk are helpless giants
We can do nothing but to pray that
we be valued for our selfless services and
be saved from going extinct from this world!
©Copyright Anulaxmi Nayak,2015
For contest: Giant animals
Sponsored by: D.Nathan
Date: 2nd September 2015
A little retail R & R is what I really needed today
Driving while listening to John Mayer all the way
Life can get complicated and sometimes it’s too much
Time for some retail therapy in new make up or a clutch
I am the queen of maxinista’s and needed my fix
A great day off to listen to Mayer and find my picks
I see the store ahead, I am feeling giddy, can’t wait
No guilt in spending, my bills are paid, nothings late!
I must stop and check out the clearance bags
Nothing to my liking today as I see the pricey tags
I found a new eyebrow pencil and some fancy body wash
I love to smell nice while I am trying to dress and look posh
Oh, what wonderful cooking woks and some house wares!
I check over the woks for imperfections while the clerk stares
I almost forgot the clearance isle of women’s clothes on sale
I may be getting into trouble, afraid my budget’s starting to fail
I find two cute summer shirts that fit and add them to my cart
Working the store for deals is somewhat of a talented art
I can’t forget about my dog, he needs a new addition too
and find a perfect soft, stuffed and squeaky elephant toy in blue
As I check out, I am pleased I did not break the bank
Relaxing and driving while listening to Mayer on a full tank
I just needed some Mayer and retail R & R on this holiday
I am ready for the work week ahead after my little get away!
I had so much fun to be with you!
You were wearing shirts in all color blue.
We threw crumpled paper like we’re six graders,
We ran and shouted like those elephant wailers.
Remembering 18th when we played those wooden chairs?
We grabbed white candies and buckled upstairs.
With your crazy dance moves over a yellowish folded paper,
You grouped yourselves absurdly like those itchy black scrapers.
You moved insanely with a green tomato on your face,
We sang together though we were so out of our pace.
We ate and chatted like it’s going to be our last.
Time was though unfair because it was ever too fast.
I’ll treasure that day because it was the best,
Our Christmas was dear compare to the rest.
Remember 18 because it was a magical scene,
Our greatest happiness is a treasure unseen.
Form:
This piece could be, I suppose, a kind of "bucket list", but it's not about regretting all the things I wanted to do in my life and didn't, but, rather, it's about being okay with finally knowing that there just simply isn't/wasn't enough time to do it all. And also, I tend to get a little whimsical from time to time.
Well...
I never played tug-of-war with an elephant
Or kick boxed a kangaroo;
I never arm-wrestled a crocodile
Or won the lottery or built an igloo.
I never went searching for buried treasure
Or gold at the rainbow's end;
I never discovered the fountain of youth
Or had a circus clown for a friend.
I never ran with the bulls in Pamplona
Or croqueted on the lawn of the Taj Mahal;
I never drank wine from a young lady's slipper
Or made love 'neath a waterfall.
I've never zip-lined from the top of Mt. Everest
Or hitchhiked from Nome to Peru,
Or had a long erudite conversation
About how to decide when to use "whom" or "who".
I never played Hamlet, or danced in "Swan Lake",
Or sang opera with Callas or Sills;
I never wrote the great American novel,
And I think, alas, never will.
I never jousted a unicorn
Or read the dictionary from A to Z;
I've not romped in the rain on a plain down in Spain
Or grown a moustache, a beard, or goatee.
I never made money from stocks bought on Wall Street,
I just never could get the knack;
I never walked a tightrope across Royal Gorge
Or swam from Miami to Cuba and back.
I never fought dragons or tilted with giants
Or found a cure for the common cold,
And I've never been able to quite figure out
Just why it is we grow old.
Most of my list is pure fancy, of course,
If I don't do them, I won't feel frustrated.
I can honestly say I've enjoyed growing up,
But in my estimation, growing old's overrated.
Much to my chagrin
barely discerned, noticed above
the celebratory Republican din
the commander in chief
all smiles with engined
haired cohorts evincing
ear to ear tousled grin,
feather in cap for apprenticed
president and kin,
which exemption, sans suspected
collusion deflated balloon,
asper impeachment with figurative pin,
hoof foresees unbridled spin
and reluctantly I admit a win
for oval office occupants,
now crowing with dens zen
of Democrats nemesis,
sought after cat in bag
to snag the 20/20 election - dag
nabbit, now suddenly hands off
to hot synonymous to a burning flag
infuriating an angry red bull,
whereby kicked up dust dost gag,
no doubt Donkey Kong doth lag
behind Elephant given boost
regarding race to occupy Oval Office,
(bout 18 months hence) with swag,
yet partisan bickering
promises divisiveness about
conclusion Robert Mueller,
political party in power will flout,
and hammer home (sic) cull
doughboy Putin on Ritz with nary a pout,
and suddenly a shoe win victory...
finds this average Joe
Biden envisioning a rout
as campaign soon begins in earnest
unwise to toss in hat, and tout
positive opinion billionaire tycoon barren
glistening pearly whites, and smug Darren
any naysayer to cross
twittering account Heron,
now that his ego the size of Taj Mahal,
where head honcho rear in
to pull out all stops with
unsheathed claws tear wren
into every mass media
to disseminate latest twist,
deflecting opprobrium
with many voters pissed
and disillusioned at unsubstantiated list
of purported high
crimes and misdemeanors,
perhaps taking cheeky liberty,
viz various sundry gals tubby kissed
rapidly punctuating exhortations grist
for milling potential resurgence
with pumping fist
feeling on top of the world,
no doubt glad to exist.
A blue whale's tongue weighs more than an elephant
Now aren't you really glad you tuned in?
There are two hundred million insects for every human
Wouldn't have gone camping if I knowed that!
We weigh slightly less when the moon is directly overhead
Due to the gravitational effect
Too bad the moon isn't shining all day long
100 lightning strikes occur worldwide every second
Stay indoors!!!
Humans grow about 8mm every night while asleep
But revert back to their normal height the next day
Oh so glad, otherwise we'd spend a fortune on new clothes
250 people have fallen off the Leaning Tower of Pisa
Guess they leaned a little bit too much
1 in 28 American school-aged children
Have a parent in either state or federal prison
Holy crap! A really great example to follow
A single healthy human male produces enough sperm
In two weeks to impregnate every fertile woman on the planet
Uh! I volunteer my services... no charge!
Although gold is a heavy dense metal
It is generally considered non-toxic
Gold flakes may even be ingested in foods or drinks
No wonder restaurant meals are so high
Pope Francis once worked as a bouncer in a Buenos Aires bar
“Doing God's work?”
Mozart wrote a canon entitled “Leck mich im Arsch”
Which literally translated means “Lick me in the ****”
Nuff said!!!
© Jack Ellison 2014
Reality is hard to replace
our white elephant is a disgrace
she parks herself wherever she places
usually taking up needed space
in the old days she would win a race
now she'll barely outrun a turtles pace
kids use to play on her face
on her trunk their hands would trace
upkeep we still embrace
her past is hard to erase
through the hands of time she lies in God's grace
through our hearts we loved our old faithful ace
and now the time has come to part waste
the deed to ole rusty bomber is in the brief case
soon her ashes will be placed in the family vase
when the setting sun covered her tears with lace
as the tow truck took away ... her final breath
... reality is hard to replace
3/18/17
Someone, or Something, Replaceable - Poetry Contest
“Couldn’t we all just be right?”
At the hind end of the elephant holding its tail; the first blind man said.
“Rotten luck all of us being blind!” said the blind, seated man hugging a leg.
“Perhaps, this entity is a snake.” Said the skinny blind man squeezing the trunk.
“Every one knows there is only ONE!” screamed the blind child astride.
“Don’t holler at you’re elders.” The turbaned tail wiggler shouted.
“Everyone I know thinks there’s MANY”. Said the blind woman rubbing toenails.
“Unlikely, very unlikely,” they bickered. “It’s a Snake.” “It’s a Tree”. “It’s a rope!”
“Maybe we should ask IT.” Said the child, and she laughed till she fell off.
It was a party of fleas who dropped some tea into the sea
Created a baby that left its mommy
Now there is an elephant and donkey in the room
So, lets asked who’s the bigger ***?
A spark, a flare, lighting a camel, an affair
Puff of smoke gone, what went wrong?
Bully the pulpit, who’s the culprit
Line drawn and divided by two
A state of iron bars but let’s call it a zoo
Divided into a system of them vs you
Don’t lose your autonomy
Though everyone is still just a monkey
Collectively a swarm of angry bee’s
The brilliants of hatred and judgment
The embellishment establishment pageant
Yesteryear's of days past are today's fears
Financiers, volunteers as November nears
Comparisons, divisions of wealth’s occupations
Frictions, contradictions, comedians
Who will be the next king of the jungle?
Both proclaiming to be the blissful angel
Tis the mating seasons bestial battle
Birdies tweets all about it on the their social
Scandal! Scoundrel! Oh, look there’s a squirrel
The eternal feral quarrel circle
The apex creatures are very territorial
For the king or queen, gerrymandering
The two-party system is the grand pyramid scheme
Bunch of ***holes looking up and bunch of **** looking down
Kiss up, gallop, gossip, stirrup, who will win the crown?
In this cage, enrage, what’s on the front page?
Who’s saying what about minimum wage?
Outrage about an issue? The cockatoos will throw a horseshoe
Here, eat this grass, here, pray at mass, or don’t
They will provide an antidote
Cheer, this one is such a deer, so sincere, so clear
Ok, the political evolution will find a way to prey on the economic roadway
Confusing rat race values, turn to the news and find out who will lose
Here, oats for the goats. No, the grass is greener over there
But be aware because there is a monster troll lair
Despair not of this nightmare, the election will swear to another road
The only condition for this prince is you must kiss this toad
Bam, the payload full of taxes and other critter’s pensions
Hurry up and cooked this eagle thanksgiving is awaiting
Tis the season for the hating, frustrating, debating,
Won, the elephants and donkeys parties are one hell of celebration
After-all in this zoo, the keepers and guests are laughing at you
Updated 5/14/2019
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