Long Deathwords Poems
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My fingers brush aside the Sandman’s sleep as I awaken on this April dewy-morn, to find
myself engulfed in an awe-inspiring ray-of-light…a comforting light, that appears to radiate
not from the rising sun, but from within thee my love; it truly is a most spectacular vision to
behold. In my grieving mind and cobwebbed delusional being, I see you laying here beside
me. My eyes interrogate your spectral beauty, as I gaze into your delicately mastered,
smiling face. I am tempted to murmur my feelings, but meager words seem so imprecise
and escape in a blank-ness that darkens the path as to what such words I can say. In all of
those other mournful moments of time, that I wanted to say
what you were to me, and what you meant to me, became just jumbled words that stumbled
off my tongue. I don’t know how much time we really have together in this, now, our own
sanctum-of-closeness.
I only know that for the present, we…us, shall prevail as one on this earthly sphere of
illusional dreams, and I can only hope and pray that in a future moment, we will find
ourselves together once again, in a more beautiful and wondrously serene place of peace.
Therefore, I shall try, as try I might, to speak my tranquil thoughts that I have of you,
perhaps in quiet church whispers…perhaps. So on this twenty-eighth day of a year past by,
and with my tenacious cowardly-lions’ courage mustered with memories of you provoked in
my thought, I now profess to you my undying sentiment. I say this quite easily now, with
just this simple phrase that flows from my hallowed mind, as smoothly as a spring-thawed
brook that ripples from the deepest reaches of my heart:
“My Darling Judith, I Love you…I truly Love you!”
Form:
Too many icy drinks, too fast on a hot summer day,
my core center chilled beyond bearing and
my stomach reacted violently, throwing up
the offending liquid. One can’t go from steamy
summer to frigid winter without a physical reaction.
That glacial feeling from last summer,
came back to me when I saw the doctor
come from the operating room and
head in my direction. His words did
not register with me at first. It was as if they
were frozen in time.
They hung in the air, singly and slowly like
a slow moving storm of ice pellets.
Bleak and raw they whirled around my head before
settling in my startled stomach. They struck
like ice cubes inadvertently swallowed and
too big for their landing place.
The words were cold and cruel and cut into my
very soul as surely as a surgeons steel scalpel
slices through soft flesh.
My foggy brain afraid of reality, chose to be critical
of the messenger. I decided that he had said
these words too many times before and his well
of empathy and emotion had dried to a hard crust.
That is why he was being so direct and frigid.
Then as if driven there by a strong wind, my
thoughts veered off in a different direction.
I felt a flood of pity for the doctor. He looked
so tired and well he might. The operation had
started eighteen hours ago.
Finally my brain filtered out the non-essentials
and leapt onto his words.
“ He didn’t survive the operation.”
(This poem is about dealing with depression and feeling alone. Enjoy.)
Is she the one for me God can she truly be
The love she has sometimes consumes me
She makes all of my wrongs feels so right
We exist in the dark when sometime I desire the light
My flash burns for the love of her sin
Her word blocks out the words of the man how dead for men
She comforts me in my deepest darkest nights with a bottle and a 45
She calls me a cheater every day I wake up alive
I never question her wisdom because her word makes things feel right
In this battle between me and her she is winning this fight
Every lonely night I try to find ways not to say good bye
In her words sometime everybody has to die
With nothing to leave behind my name will be forgotten in time
Living in a world where I’m invisible I feel silent as a mime
My days our always night, it seems the sun will never shine
When I’m gone life will go on, without me the world will be fine
Another night next to the nightstand were my destiny lay
With two broken wings I’m afraid this angel will never fly
When the time is time, in my darkest night and when the bottle is dry
With my eyes to the sky with tears in my eyes is when this soul will die
And I don’t understand
As I lay here in bed
The words in my head
The words of the dead
As I lay here in bed
And the marching band plays
To the rhythm I say
In the cold of the day
The rhythm I say
As the funeral band plays
I say good bye to the world
For I never understood
Was love really good
Did I live as I should
I never understood
The perceptions of this mind
What was lost ill never find
Was this life ever mine
Was fate ever kind
The perceptions of my mind
And they play on and on
Forever the song
In a key that is wrong
On a day that is long
As they play on and on
the clouds cover the sky
Hiding the lie
That we all must die
No matter how we try
In hiding the lie
The ghost tolls the bell
To the black gates of hell
I stumbled and fell
In the blackness called hell
To the toll of the bell
Reaching up a hand
To the living land
Choking on sand
As I grasp with my hand
The life of the land
Joining in the choir
The chorus is fire
Death! called the cryer
As the flames rose higher
To the tune of the choir
All pass through fire
These words, their meaning, it flows freely.
Its as if these words bleed from me, fast and hard as red as blood.
Sometimes it hurts like an angry cut when you go to deep.
These words, misenturprted, scary, wanting, needing, living, breathing.
They have a mind of their own. Their independant of me.
These words leave me dazed, falling behind in watever action i chose.
Some how they are killing me making me cut, drink, they will reach their goal.
These words are cruel, inhumane, empty, suicidal, scandalist, genderist.
I want to slash these words in half, instead they cut right through me.
These words are my enemy, used agaisnt me, mocking me, taunting me.
I want to change them, make them duller, instead they grow sharper.
These words haunt me, stalk me, drug me, cut me, bleed into me.
No matter what I know the truth these words sing a lullaby, as i begin to believe
These words serenade me, leaving me drifting, finally succumbing to slumber.
They leave me tossing and turning till I wake screaming.
These words make me cut deeper and deeper till finally I hit bone..
Form:
Trial and error are the days upon this earth for tomorrow we shall be but dust
Build not treasures upon this earth for all must come to pass before the Lord
Yet yee might find pleasure beyond the point of the unknown
The realms of earth and heaven fall upon trial, and we all must be judged
Seek to joy for tomorrow isnt promised to no one
Feel for love and always seek it with your all
For perfect love is only found in God
Come forth the poet of love, speak in ink that we might believe in thy words
And I spoke, words of affection, words of hope but above all words of God
For man cant not live by bread alone but by the word of God
Repent that it still isnt too late to make peace with the Lord
He loves with out condition, fall not short of His grace
Embrace what you cant erase
Past is past and can no longer change, if only we learn
If only we trust
Alas I kiss her bony corpse, and I sleep in death
I shall rise again in the ressurection
Where the trumpets will call upon the dead first
To be judged beyond parting change
Come and see, and always believe
In life we are given angels
Some shower us with love
Some teaches us wisdom
Some shield us from harm.
Others guide us through the doorway of life
For every angel
For every blessing
For every victory
We owe a word of thanks.
To my special angel
Thank you,
You have been my pillar
My strength, my guide
An inspiration.
My memories of you will always make all my tomorrows bright
Your words will always have a way of making all my days turn out just right
You are one of those special people that made a great impact in my life.
Part of who I am is because of you
My gentle nature
My humble soul
My willingness to do good
My persistence to achieve
Is a reflection of who you were.
Granddad there are not enough of words to describe my lost
For me you will always be that rose without a thorn
That petal that never withers
You are that star that shines bright at night
that watches over me.
A surge of emotion overwhelms me.
I scan your eyes for a clue but
see only misty sadness in deepest blue.
I had watched as you held his hand,
counting breaths, holding yours as
you thought he had drawn his last.
Whispering private words about the past -
pausing, weeping, remembering, watching
as life ebbed away, recalling all your yesterdays.
When words dry up there is only silence
and now silence is all you have;
silent tears, silent words, silent memories.
Still in the stillness, alone in the
solitude as half of a depleted pair.
Sadness hangs in the tear-drenched air.
Frozen in eternity I see you there
still holding his lifeless hand and
I scan your eyes for a clue, a hint of
what to say to you? You look up and
a surge of emotion overwhelms me. Tangible
sadness in eyes of misty blue, and I cry too.
Poet master my words cost mental disaster.
On a different level plus I never been a actor.
Heart stain with pain but falling ain't a factor.
Eternally bleeding soul drifting faster and faster.
Yet I still stand tall words higher than the pastor.
Yep! pain flowing through my veins driving me insane.
Some may say that my words are more addicted than cocaine.
Lord know that I need help but why can't I pray.
Each night I am begging the lord to meet me halfway.
But we both know that I am beyond reach heart cold and gray.
Bones shatter as my soul start to decay.
Words fill with venom so my religion became pain.
Yet my heart and soul still stand tall in this acid rain