Long Bouncer Poems
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Hitler accidentally bombed his nephew's house
In Liverpool, so he joined the U.S. to fight with the Allies
A blue whale's tongue weighs more than an elephant
Now aren't you really glad you tuned in?
There are two hundred million insects for every human
Wouldn't have gone camping if I knowed that!
We weigh slightly less when the moon is directly overhead
Due to the gravitational effect
Too bad the moon doesn't shine all day
100 lightning strikes occur worldwide every second
Stay indoors!!!
Humans grow about 8mm every night while asleep
But revert back to their normal height the next day
Oh so glad, otherwise we'd spend a fortune on new clothes
250 people have fallen off the Leaning Tower of Pisa
Guess they leaned a little bit too much
1 in 28 American school-aged children
Have a parent in either state or federal prison
Holy crap! A really great example to follow
A single healthy human male produces enough sperm
In two weeks to impregnate every fertile woman on the planet
Uh! I volunteer my services... no charge!
Although gold is a heavy dense metal
It is generally considered non-toxic
Gold flakes may even be ingested in foods or drinks
No wonder restaurant meals are so high
Pope Francis once worked as a bouncer in a Buenos Aires bar
“Doing God's work?”
Mozart wrote a canon entitled “Leck mich im Arsch”
Which loosely translated means “Lick my deriere”
Nuff said!!!
Time
doesn't fly; it sashays right on by.
More magician than albatross.
Playing shell games with dreams.
An endless cosmic comedy
starring the damned and the lost.
I've degrees in procrastination
earned a P.H.D in missed opportunity.
Raised kittens to become lions-unlike me.
Steering them clear of black holes and ravines.
Around those that promise gemstone and flower.
But only give slag, weed, and sorrow
I thank my gilded father who gifted bushels of love.
And the thorny step for every black period of snappy discipline.
I thank the bouncer who stitched my runaway lips.
The silver cop who shoehorned me onto a straight and narrow ship...
without blowing me up or in.
Now I pause to thank God, the farmer.
Who watered and fed us during drought.
I thank the false prophets and haters.
Who never bothered to turn our satin hearts to rust.
(Sometimes there's nothing more important
than a spray of indifference and a burst of great luck.
...as the end draws closer,
I lay down regret and failures in full light.
In the form of a pyramid.
At the base lies a tangle of selfish snakes.
In the middle is abused and misplaced time.
At the top, a magician juggling sprinting dreams.
That I was never fleet nor clever enough to overtake.
Copyright © Anthony Biaanco | Year Posted 2026
You know, I thought changing one’s job would be easy,
To start a new vocation would be breezy.
I got me local newspaper, looking for a job as a sparky, (electrician)
But I said “what the F-ck, these ads were written by a sarky.”
The first job was an “Almond Knocker,”
Now this sounds as sleazy as sniffing used jockstraps in a locker.
Who wants to look for an almond the shape of a woman’s top half of her anatomy,
But, looking at women’s breast to find one that looks like an almond, appeals to me.
The second job was a “Blind Hooker,”
Now what can I say, that’s a woman’s job and boy she’ll have to be a looker.
She would be the cheapest thrill you’d ever have
You can imagine the police chasing her as she is lead by her all eye seeing sat nav.
Nope not for me…
Uuhh! Here’s one for me, “Bosom Presser”
Squeeeezing them breasts from the largest to the lesser.
I gave them a call straight away
Only to find out the job was not really that way
Dam!
The next one was, what the f-ck? a “Dike Stoneman”
Well I don’t think any man can
This must be a woman bouncer for a happy club ( I hope this is more politically
correct than saying “Gay”)
The one you greet say “Hey Bud”
Well later I googled the titles and yes you right, I was wrong,
I suppose me old job will be lifelong
Overworked, under paid
Oversexed under laid
Here are a few more jobs I came across, an “Egg Smeller, Chicken Sexer, Pillow Girl
:-) , Butt maker, , Fire Drier (never heard of wet fire) and for all you animal lovers out
there, Frog Shaker, Monkey Tail Puller and those who don’t change their underwear,
a Skid Marker
They gather where the signs hang crooked,
under gaslight glare and broken clocks,
where the barkeep’s eyes are twin shot glasses—
fogged, but watching.
Gin Lane rolls in on tired boots,
her laughter sharp as shattered glass.
Beer Street hums a fatter tune,
slumped in booths of sticky leather.
They meet at the hinge of last call,
where poetry is slurred and prophets mumble.
A jukebox wails old revolutions
to a crowd too drunk to notice.
The walls are graffiti'd with regrets,
phone numbers of ghosts,
and chalked-up debts no one will ever pay.
Outside, the world is coughing up history,
but in here, time stirs with a muddler.
The bar is a church with no god,
only spirits, and the faithful who sip them.
Some come to forget,
others to remember louder.
A woman in red sings with her back to the room.
A man orders another round
and trades his name for a tab.
Everyone claps when the glass breaks.
Midnight hits like a bottle to the head—
the bouncer shrugs,
Beer Street staggers,
Gin Lane pirouettes into the dark.
A blue whale's tongue weighs more than an elephant
Now aren't you really glad you tuned in?
There are two hundred million insects for every human
Wouldn't have gone camping if I knowed that!
We weigh slightly less when the moon is directly overhead
Due to the gravitational effect
Too bad the moon isn't shining all day long
100 lightning strikes occur worldwide every second
Stay indoors!!!
Humans grow about 8mm every night while asleep
But revert back to their normal height the next day
Oh so glad, otherwise we'd spend a fortune on new clothes
250 people have fallen off the Leaning Tower of Pisa
Guess they leaned a little bit too much
1 in 28 American school-aged children
Have a parent in either state or federal prison
Holy crap! A really great example to follow
A single healthy human male produces enough sperm
In two weeks to impregnate every fertile woman on the planet
Uh! I volunteer my services... no charge!
Although gold is a heavy dense metal
It is generally considered non-toxic
Gold flakes may even be ingested in foods or drinks
No wonder restaurant meals are so high
Pope Francis once worked as a bouncer in a Buenos Aires bar
“Doing God's work?”
Mozart wrote a canon entitled “Leck mich im Arsch”
Which literally translated means “Lick me in the ****”
Nuff said!!!
© Jack Ellison 2014
Patrick O’Flanagan’s covert shenanigans
Make people ask where he gets to at night
There’s a perception that Patrick O’Flanagan
Visits a door with a glowing red light
What people don’t know about Patrick O’Flanagan
Is he has only one goal
Each night at ten to ten, visits his gran again
She does a dance with a pole
Old Ma O’Flanagan dances for Stan and Ben
Over in County Kildare
The nurses and carers all turn a blind eye
As Stan sticks his pension ‘down there’
Pat’s her announcer, he's also her bouncer
He keeps them old fellas in check
Old Ben can get frisky and that’s a bit risky
Unless he desires a sore neck
These is the rules says Patrick O’Flanagan
That shrivelled todger of yours
Grandma will make that old thing come awake again
And you place hard cash down her drawers
But Ben said those wrinkles don’t pep up our winkles
We only watch her to rehearse
For what we might see on the CCTV
When you nip out back with that nurse
Prime Minister of Canada, Justin Trudeau,
was born on Christmas night, I think under a star;
and became the 23rd Prime Minister of Canada,
and leader of the Liberal party;
son of former Prime Minister, Pierre Elliot Trudeau.
Justin is a kind, polite, fun loving man,
he was a snowboarding instructor, night club bouncer;
was a teacher, a boxer when younger,
and legalized marijuana in Canada to shut down illegal sales;
he wrote his memoir in 2014, a bit early Justin.
As Prime Minister, he apologized on behalf of Canada,
to the Indigenous People for wrong doings through history;
and also to other communities for transgressions of the past,
he has no fear to stand up to the USA President, any leader;
during his election campaign he always remained the gentleman.
Some, may find him too passive- I see his inner strength,
he is a wonderful representative for Canada;
with his movie star good looks, easy smile and laugh,
I love his upbeat personality and positive attitude;
and I am proud to call him my leader, my Prime Minister.
______________________________
February 5, 2020
Poetry/Ode/To Prime Minister Justin Trudeau
Copyright Protected, ID 20-1223-268-03
All Rights Reserved, 2020, Constance La France
Written for the contest, Ode To A President, or Politician or Leader,
Past or Present, sponsor, Sheri Fresonke Harper
Fourth Place
I'm replaying every little thing
I should have done instead.
There goes my hard-won peace of mind;
it's stuck on an endless rewind.
The Ferris wheel of hindsight
lifts me high enough to see
a thousand brilliant answers
that came far too late for me.
Round and round the roundabout,
the painted horses prance,
each one takes a jaunty stance
offering me another chance to dance.
I wade through all the bloopers
slow as creepy caterpillar loopers
marching in a Conga line of troopers
marking time with loop-de-loopers.
Head over heels I tumble,
cartwheeling through the air,
reviving every awkward pause
with a blank and baffled stare.
I tried to act unbothered.
Play all debonair and cool,
then flipped clean over on my bicycle
and somersaulted like a fool.
The past should have a closed
with a bouncer at the door.
Instead it sells me tickets
to the show I’ve seen before.
Here we go. It's loopy-looby-loo
Up and over, doing a loop-de-loop,
whirling, twirling round the loop,
hips a-swinging through a hula-hoop.
Here we go. It's loopy-looby-loo
Up and over, doing a loop-de-loop,
whirling, twirling round the loop,
hips a-swinging through a hula-hoop.
They wait in the night-lit brightness.
I watch them from an over-magnified telescope;
youngsters and older
some dripping a scent of latent maturity,
a furtive effort to blend and not offend
the judges
who have sly thoughts
in their searchlights eyes.
The bling, the gewgaw glints,
the small of fake gold,
the shot passions of high skirts.
They form ordained disorderly lines
eager to bow before the bouncer,
to pour themselves
into the melee and scrum
the jumping pump of ecstasy.
Night life is wanting, is waiting,
it needs to club together,
to sweat the music,
to throb with the sound
of aortic rhythmic impulses,
to dance upon a crushed floor
breathlessly offering upwards
their erotic prayers,
on baited hooks of desire.
The young must,
they simply must,
and we trust they will be tired one day,
too tired, too busy, too distracted
as we are
to dance death away
while drugs snack on their meat.
'Twas the watering hole for loafers and other assorted rabble.
Religion and politics were debated as well as other inane babble!
The attributes of various local women were indelicately debated,
And the latest in rumors and spicy gossip were also related!
Clyde, the proprietor, greeted folks with a friendly, "Howdy!"
Cops visited regularly to ensure things didn't become to rowdy!
Flo, the waitress, took no guff from the usual drunken buffoons.
She was quick with spicy retorts that burned like fiery harpoons!
The juke box blared country and western, the ambiance to enhance.
On Saturday nights a local band was provided for the dance.
There were rickety tables in back for guys to shoot some pool.
Usually, there was an illicit poker game on, as a general rule.
The place reeked from decades of smoke, beer and grime.
The county health people threatened to close it from time to time.
Should the joint be shuttered, 'twould cause a major revolution,
Since to Clyde's loyal patrons it was their favorite institution!
Bouncer Bubba, he of steely eye and intimidating physique,
Promptly dealt with those who exhibited an occasional ornery streak!
Tho' it wasn't the most trendy and tranquil saloon in the town,
The grub was good, beer was cold and good fellowship did aboun'!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired (© All Rights Reserved)