Long Blunderbuss Poems
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A Whimsical Trope
Life is a circus
Of acrobats and clowns;
Everywhere there's a scammer
Ready to take advantage.
Humpty Dumpty was clumsy,
Rather dull, and not very bright.
He never knew right-side up
From wrong-side down,
And so he became a criminal.
Bring the blunderbuss
And bring the handcuffs.
Today, we make the bust
And arrest Humpty Dumpty,
And that’s no guff.
And so we said goodbye
When he took flight.
Nevertheless, whatever we think,
Wherever the yegg,
Humpty Dumpty is scrambled egg.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall;
Humpty Dumpty laughed and fell.
Everyone there offered prayers and things,
But no one could put him together again.
Former CIA Director
John Brennan scathing headlines
Washington Post op-ed sharply
published critical accusations
muted excoriation slams
Commander in Chief
volcanic blatant pathological lying
spews like lava his American
foreign policy boilerplate brazenly
bastardizes by banditry blueprint,
balefully balkanizing beautiful bracketed
booming brady bunch brand,
bests best-buy buffer braking balanced
bastion, bolstered beloved benighted
bequeathed bicameral bipartisan bliss,
Baptizing bacchanalian buffoonish bombast,
betokening bobble-headed Bumstead,
barmy bartered bride bravado, bizarrely
brash brassiness, blindsiding behavior,
beetlebrowed bonehead, bafflingly baldfaced,
bankrupting, blithely bollixing,
bombastically belittling, badmouthing,
banally blasting, banana-boat baseless,
bearish blandishments, beastly boastful
boosterism, bellicosely boorish, bug-eyed,
bighearted, bigoted blathering breeding
blunderbuss bloopers, bewildering
bloodletting bellyache blight,
brazenly being bandying bellwether,
blitzing bourgeoisie balderdash,
balking but beaming barbaric
berserk ballyhoo backbiting,
backslapping backstabbing
blacklisting bromides,
besetting basic bestowed blooming,
Bobbitizing bedeviling beneficial
bulwark bereft badinage, ballistically ballooning
betrayal birthing bedlam.
Tympani, beat tremendous!
Like thunder roll above!
Dark matter a-tenebrous;
Knowest thou of love?
Ah, young master. In good time!
Riddles, rivers, rhyme!
Griddle, fiddle, sugar, slime.
Covert cold cut chime.
All right, sir, but in earnest;
Full, brass bull, trull, wool?
Summertime, hot clime, addressed!
Roundabout red rule!
Well, it's you two! Black and Blue!
So, what else is new?
Eggs a-light, serpents a-few?
Kittens blind that mew?
Knights of the nebula pond!
Elders strong and wise...
Mighty warlocks, wave thy wand!
Prize? Between the eyes.
Adepts of tomorrow!
Always? Skies and greys.
Surcease, students, all sorrow.
Living for todays!
Miles are marked for travelers?
Yes, and reason thus:
Reality whirs, then blurs.
Black and Blunderbuss.
Rain, pour poems on prophets.
Nerves heal as they warp.
O floodwaters, try Tophet's.
Sailors, tamp the tarp...
We’re in the Souk in somewhere like Baghdad,
but not so land-locked. Tripoli, more like.
“He stole an apple – catch the little tyke!”
The hue and cry goes up. They chase the lad,
whose crime is hunger: look at how he’s clad!
Pursuers, armed with blunderbuss and spike,
are gaining. As they’re just about to strike,
they get the sharpest shock they ever had.
America. A sailor, all in white.
His face asks, “What’s the cause of this furore?”
The child is safe now. Fairness, tied to might,
has stunned the mob. Those instincts we adore
don’t need articulation. Right is right.
How sad we’ll never see this any more.
Destruction, thy name is wrath!
By God, do the math!
Walk thee down the warrior's path?
Take a bloody bath!
Chunks of bodies broken?
A fight! To reason stand!
What hath Hell awoken?
O Hel, call thy warband!
Twilight of the elder race?
Blast off into space!
Tortoise, polish carapace!
For agony brace!
What goals see tomorrow?
I'll bet I know a few.
Beggar, can ye borrow?
O money lenders, mew!
Thunder, roll for pity's sake!
How much can we take?
O for vampires on the stake!
Heart within all, break!
Dragons move in armies?
Only once in a while.
Witches, cast thy charm, please.
What need have we of guile?
Moving on? Just sac the pawn.
Blow the end a kiss.
Morning, hast thou need of dawn?
Serpents, time to hiss.
Choices. How they haunt us!
Another place and time!
Bongo drums for blunderbuss?
Cold confusion. Crime...
It was not healthy,
a blunderbuss wind
had shot itself.
Strong legs for weak minds
were needed.
Therapy dogs did their best
to heal the barking mad.
Weather pattens predicted
downcast skirts,
hats orbiting Australia,
expensive sneakers crying in the rain,
nothing of the sort occurred,
but pigs did hover for awhile.
Any thought wired
to an inch of cringing flesh
tended to leap away
like a scalded cat.
It had all stopped by teatime,
however
the sugar bowl crawled
with dazed weevil's.
Later we sprayed the wilting fields
with Chanel Number 5
just to keep the evening alive.
Let me hear no talk a-fast?
From the master home?
He who always comes in last?
Soul made out of chrome?
Better long days, seamstress work?
Iron rations hard?
Brazen bull, such jobs! To shirk!
Poet, prophet, bard!
Thought-fire, sing in all of us!
Lightning-gods, blessed be!
Cannonball and Blunderbuss!
Fling, O fancy-free!
Tombs ought be avoided?
By living men, and how!
Feet a-sure when out of bed!
Sacred sight, thy bow!
Wild as ocean rhythm!
Say, oracles, sing!
Dark backward, black abysm!
Envy, how you sting!
Hospitable to many?
Perhaps. Who is to say?
I don't talk to any!
O Judgement, have thy day!
Sisters, hearken thus unto!
From below I shriek!
Charon Boatman, need a crew?
End Times, give a peek!
Sound, fill each with learning?
A message for the world:
Choice must be discerning?
Yes, sir! Discus, hurled!
Well, oh well! We are in hell!
Doubled over, trees?
Coven Witch, cast well thy spell!
Honeyed, honeybees...?
Thundering Blunderbuss!
What is a platypus?
Looks like a beaver, but
Has a duck's bill.
Fairly cute little guy,
Ornithorhynchidae*
Lives in Australia, is
On the no-kill.
Semi-aquatic and
Strangely neurotic, it
Lays eggs like birds and has
Venom like snakes.
Weirdly amphibious,
Bio-fluorescent fur
Webbing between the toes,
Strong swimmers make.
————
Technically, this is a Didactic Double Dactyl
since it’s full of educational goodies too.
A double dactyl is a form of McWhirtle, but
apparently, it is also a form of black death.
Switching to the McWhirtle on a hunch, lol.
*6 syllables, rhymes with ‘guy’ (like or-ni-tho-rin-ke-die)
"A Recipe for Antonym"
the opposite of
didactic
ulterior motive
Elastic,
bend over for receiving
patronising missives
presumptuous, friendly and deadly
with lol and smiles
then genuflect
then somersault backwards
it’s part of the ceremony
in the soupy wash
Socratic passive is us
plastic, pernicous, piquant and plural
sipped slowly and loyally steadfast
scratching backs towards the shadows
of whispered never me's (sic)
to mirrors gushing sibilant soliloquy
the opposite of lost is now moving in
with a bent halo
and sewn off blunderbuss
inscribed on the handle
I’m sure glad I'm not one of you us
(LadyLabyrinth / 2020)
"Twice" / Little Dragon
https://youtu.be/TrpMncSZe-I
Whoops! Yours truly almost ditched the missus...
Who nearly knocked me upside noggin
property of self anointed Unitarian sheikh
yea... of course by accident,
nor lame excuse accepted
playing spontaneous hide-and-seek
game, and not exactly romantic technique
to allow, enable and provide sleek
move antithetical to marriage vows
but surefire guarantee
driving marriage to brink
immediately trending toward unique
modus operandi countdown seek
your ring bachelorhood
days numbering less than week
ushering hermit age regarding,
the creator and master of Mattspeak
understandable, she did shriek
feeling abandoned, ready to freak
out, she wearing easy to identify
floppy pink hat shielding incognito pique,
she gravely mistaken for banshee
series of unfortunate events not for meek
nor "Fake" feint of heart as blunderbuss
just amazingly graced
my smooth shaven cheek.
Predicament arose after I drove
2009 Hyundai Sonata wheel hove
(we love) to established local
CJ'S TIRE & AUTOMOTIVE SERVICES
8:00 A.M. today November 19th, 2019 at:
(1405 S Township Line Rd,
Royersford, PA 19468), formerly mangrove
bajillion years ago, thine spouse strove,
while awaiting emergency brake replacement
took short hike to purchase
supplies walking within distance to:
A.C. Moore Arts and Crafts
1824 E Ridge Pike Suite 102,
Royersford, PA 19468,
mine infinite wisdom
erred when I didst prove
thyself foolish heading by jove
to aforementioned store ex post facto
getting her name paged over intercom
only to loopback to
mechanic shop mentioned above,
upon returning to 2 Highland Manor Drive
she did Potchki while anchored, berthed,
hunkered within her cove
channel surfing for favorite program.