Long Beetroot Poems

With these lines I’ll relate an intriguing tale of dubious accuracy
For I Hope to unveil sordid affairs of more than one conspiracy!
Be warned, that though you might be disturbed by the facts I relate?
They are...

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COME ON SOUPER'S LETS HAVE SOME FUN AND MAKE FOLK SMILE DURING SUCH DIFFICULT TIMES FOR US ALL. THERE ARE LOTS MORE APT NAMES  - PLEASE SOUP MAIL POEMS AND I WILL ADD THEM...

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Kindly stick to digging pineapples in the future as magic dust particles can really only spring up in defense patterns. And is it really wise to deal cards in a high tide. Deliver not an...

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When I was a lad
And still wet behind the ears
Things often puzzled me
And was too young to understand
Like the saying the Birds 
And the Bees

I thought in my little tiny mind
Do they mean bees wear...

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A whale in a pail is far more active in a gale or in copious amounts of hail. Putting money into sharks is a shifty act involving the shuffling of coats in cloakrooms. And clown...

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Children of Xenophobia

Children eating bullets and firecrackers 
Beggars of smile and laughter 
Silent corpses sleeping away fertile dreams 
Povo* chanting new nude wretched slogans 
Overstayed exiles eating beetroot and African potato 
Abortions and condoms batteries...

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Original Poem Just Desserts

I was at my favourite restaurant and had a lovely meal
If I finished all my food then a pudding was the deal
I’d relished every morsel and was pleased as a Cheshire cat
The...

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Amelia she loves to chat and tells an amusing story
But dear readers BEWARE – this one’s a little gory
She worked long hours at night as a barmaid
It was a job she loved and good wages...

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Ooooh wow...a nice classy fortified wine dressed in a milky white dress. Shimmering for all to see. Injest not the erosive clatter of a purple frog. As it is far to dangerous. One may end...

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Multiply a horseradish with a jar of mustard and gain what exactly? A pickled onion? A beetroot? It's simply quite fascinating the divination of an oven glove. Materialistic bacon joints in a suit can often...

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I worked in an Insurance office and loved my job
But the manager was an idle fat slob
He’d put in expenses sheets for work he hadn’t done
And was out of the door in front of everyone

But...

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Are you really going to tickle a dinosaur foot with a stone feather? or throw beetroots?

Who would attend a pterodactyl party? A daisy? A wallflower? A creeping jungle tree vine complete with snakes, ants and...

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She'd seen the house for sale and came
to have a look around,
walked up the path as freezing mist
curled, snake-like on the ground.
Two stone Griffins, like sentinels
gazed from beside the door,
she knocked, it opened,spilling
greenish light across...

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Telephones are a useless reflection of communication as forms of forks do not require such modernity to talk. When planning waltzing with 89 peas for a show that has been advertised globally always be mindful...

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I read Darryl Ashton’s poem Called Pinocchio Rex and this brought back 
memories of a childhood incident

When I grew up we had a smallholding – the house was called ‘Longacre’ as we 
had over an...

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Travelling over fifty three metres on a baking tray is a wonderful way in which to pass the time. When loosening ties and burning buttons it is very clever to talk to a large parrot...

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Oh Angelique my dear I remember you so well
The years have passed so fast and all too soon,
A particular incident that got out of hand, will now re-tell,
A day that went askew like air escaping...

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This is the story of Sally Doolally
A young maiden farmer from down in the valley
She kept a keen eye out for Thomas McNally
And dreamed of the day he would say, ‘Can we marry?’

Sally Doolally had...

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Sitting striving seeping seeking salted sugary sweets. And when is a ham a melon? Never! Never! Cried the apples in the basket. Don't squash that cabbage it is actually abuse. Abusive acts from the ladle...

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Yellow chard stain index finger smears my logic puzzle,
Sour cream cilantro splatter quite the quaint “addition” 
juicy brain pump lemon zest solution that I guzzle,
number crunching sea salt a spur to intuition

Roasted sweet potato has...

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PICKLE PARTY

The pickles were having a party
In the superstore one night.
The manager was home in bed
So they knew they were all right.

It was a singles party,
Each looking for a mate.
Someone to share a jar with
Until...

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My daughter's getting married
To a super guy called Tom,
It's really fast approaching,
It won't be very long.

The wedding dress is sorted,
The venue and the flowers,
The music and the fireworks,
But the cake, it took us hours.

We went...

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Kelso has a boat
smeared to the gunnels,
with cawk and greasy weeds.
Kelso is old enough
to be free of care,

his dog don't care neither.

At the prow of dawn
he hauls dripping lobsters
in their pots
up the scummy steps
of the...

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Artificial intelligence the latest buzzwords,
commonly known as 'AI'
is the latest new thing that
technology brings
with every year that goes by.
It may make our future incredibly bright
but I don't understand all the fuss,
since for ages I've seen...

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A Female Pedophiliac 
Mother’s best friend a shapely woman with a sexy smile
I  was fifteen and went to her house with a message-
something about a wedding where mother was  cooking-
and she seduced me......

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