Long Arsehole Poems

Facebook and the Monster

There is an advert on TV 
Selling Facebook to you and me 
And it all seems so good
Wholesome and fun
This is how life really can be 
If only you join the Facebook...

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Don’t often see him

7/8 asleep

But I’m sometimes surprised

Brushing my feet

Purring and arching

And pushing up high

Ecstasy shows in a half closed eye

Black white and furry

Real smooth to the touch

But not really keen on fussing that much

So...

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Utterly Forgotten
They set out to make a man like you make a car in a factory
It was a production process starting at step one till the end
When you’re left with the finished product and the...

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A LESSON LEARNT

I'm sat here in my front room
and i'm feeling all inspired
No ones having a go at me
or making me feel tired

Of the constant bloody arguments
the put downs and the moan
the telling me i'm...

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I’m with a partner, on occasion, if I’m lucky,
But just as luck is, it’s never there for long.
Family and friends are always around,
Yet no matter who’s there, alone I am.
Always the lover, never the loved,
The...

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In a dim-lit attic sits a rocking chair
where a newborn child was suckled, there.
Then, while a mother gently brushed my hair,
father read tales aloud of Piglet and Pooh Bear.

Later, it became a galloping horse at...

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Real fear
as it crawls
from the nape of your neck
icicly popping skin
along arm
hairs raised in surrender
unable to stop what will become
I never look at shadows anymore
incase there is a face their theyr'e
that sea me-i love using...

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It’s unanimous
uncontested
irrefutable
no doubt
no conjecture
I am an arsehole
bad-tempered
foul-mouthed
and irredeemably crass
all my conversations
revolve around me
my opinions
about everything
are always right
I have done everything 
I have been everywhere 
it has taken almost seventy years
for this message to reach home
but...

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My life is for love but I hate my life,
To give everyone what they need just gets me in strife.
I love to help and make you happy,
But I ignore my needs, I feel like the...

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Substandard Tires
The customer rants and raves at me saying it’s all my fault
And my colleague’s and my employer that he’s got no family
He threatens all of us with court and is off to see the...

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It was spread out all over the living room,
clicked along escarpments and apartments, soon
reaching a station, waiting for master's command,
It left, exuberant, at the touch of a magic wand.

Hornby was sub-standard, Triang was better,
engine would...

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Do you have to work hard to maintain it?
You've held the title strong for years.
Is it a natural born talent or acquired?
Did it come with blood, sweat and tears?

Must be hard reaching down to touch...

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The Orchard of femininity 
Fine day sun and sky, I walked in an almond tree orchard
the scholars call it a deciduous bush and the learned
has no artistic sense looking for a Latin name
like the tree...

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YOU SAY TOM-AAA-TO

Never ever say sorry.
No matter how put,
a meagre sorry tastes

like yesterday’s curled sandwich,
obstinately irrelevant
to any serious discourse.

Instead, play for effect;
make your mark
with the equivalent

of a six course lunch,
a gourmet spread
of words, allusions

and classical...

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The Orchard 
Fine day sun and sky, I walked in an almond tree orchard
the scholars call it a deciduous bush and the learned
has no artistic sense looking for a Latin name
like the tree would care.
It...

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