Lariat light rope hemp leather corded twined
My mission here on the parried to unwind
In my strength I shoot my shot
I let go lasso catch tether livestock
Running noose circles the neck
I am the long arm of the law
I'll rope the moon, the sun, the stars
And ranger and ranger or stranger
I confess I'll address the
Getty Ap horse, gonna rope me
Buttercup, Clarabelle, Molly, Rosie, Gertie, Henrietta, Nellie and Moo
I'm a Lariat Cowboy YaHoo-
02/17/26
Written words by James Edward Lee Sr. 2026©
Aunty Gertie may be an ol’ girly
But that doesn’t imply she can’t be flirty
The gleam in her eyes
Comes as a surprise
As aunty Gertie is three times thirty.
Gertie lives a life full of joy and fun
She’s an angel delight to everyone
She can do the splits
As well as high kicks
What’s more is that Gertie can’t be outrun.
Gertie dresses alike a beauty queen
Her hair it glows in a silvery gleam
She makes up her face
With dignified grace
The prettiest grandma one’s ever seen.
Aunty Gertie’s a poet, it’s the truth
Good poetry too, though she’s long of tooth
She writes through the night
In gleam of moonlight
Gertie’s a walking, talking dream come true.
Old Gertie was a gentleman’s lady
If she deemed to do anything, it would be shady
We followed her career and were shocked to see
The kinds of things she would do here, there and beyond the sea.
She was a dance hall girl, and a pirate queen.
The bawdy songs she sang were seen as obscene.
She carried a pistol, a sword, and a leather whip.
She made some cringe after they had made the trip
To meet Old Gertie who had a furiously crazy reputation.
In the thirties she was completely notorious across the nation.
Some church ladies came to reform her from Kentucky.
They ended up screaming in fear as they ran home said Lee.
Lee was Old Gertie’s advisor, another dance hall girl to boot.
Their friendship was known by the town, every mean old coot.
If you crossed one, you had to take on the other as well.
Old Gertie and Lee helped more than one guy back to hell.
What do you call him?
My cousin Gertie smirked a bit. You go first, she said.
We call him blue-eyed-stare-boy
I call him the weirdy cat.
He is a distant cousin.
Comes to our family reunion once a year.
Never speaks.
We have tried and tried.
I do not think he ever blinks Gertie said.
I don’t think he knows English, I said.
Distant cousin did not waste time with either of us.
Did not speak and did not want to.
Giving us both the creeps.
What do you call him?
My cousin Gertie smirked a bit. You go first, she said.
We call him blue-eyed-stare-boy
I call him the weirdy cat.
He is a distant cousin.
Comes to our family reunion once a year.
Never speaks.
We have tried and tried.
I do not think he ever blinks Gertie said.
I don’t think he knows English, I said.
Distant cousin did not waste time with either of us.
Did not speak and did not want to.
Giving us both the creeps.
Resolute opinionated Little Miss Gertie is barely thirty
But as set in her ways as a scorched shirt burned dirty.
We used to try to get her to loosen up a tiny bit.
But she has no humor or pliability, and she can be a snit.
So we decided to leave her alone and lo and behold.
She met a male stranger, all blustery, opinionated and bold.
He was almost the same age, a resolute bachelor, quite old.
They became an item and got married, but neither would fold.
The wedding was short-lived, for neither would give an inch.
She was angry that when putting on the garter she got a pinch.
She pouted the entire wedding night and strangled his finch.
Their marriage did not have a chance; which we knew was a cinch.
Here he comes now the dance hall girls said.
When he comes to town, someone ends up dead.
We call him Lazy Eye, but he is a Jeckle and Hyde.
Some ran into the saloon to cower inside.
He walked with a strut that made the girls swoon.
He came in wearing a hat that glowed in the moon.
He ordered a whiskey and showed off his enormous gun.
He looks pretty willing and ready for fun!
This was said by Easy Go Gertie. She was quite the looker.
She was pretty innocent too for a three-dollar-hooker.
She took Lazy-Eye upstairs for a little bedtime romp.
We heard the bed jump, hop, swivel and stomp.
The rest of us lined up to hear the rest of the story.
Gertie came down the stairs and raved about his glory.
Now when Lazy-Eye comes to town at night
We all line up, and there is a girly brawl fight.
Aunt Gertie changed her home to unicorn land
The day our uncle ran off with a mariachi band
Unicorn paintings peer at you from every wall
A unicorn neighs when you use her bathroom stall
Is she a bit looney? My friend Dee asked one day.
Well what do you mean? I replied. In what way?
Dee then saw my kitchen, made up in giraffe.
Never mind, she said, with a snort and a laugh.
Ralph lived on an island
Isolated and remote
His only companion was Gertrude, the goat
He didn't have many possessions
There wasn't the need
As long as he had a roof over his head
And enough food to feed
Himself and of course the goat
I forgot to tell you
He also owned a boat
Ralph was contented
Even though he was quite old
The island seemed more deserted
Now the weather was dreary and cold
Gertrude had to live inside
For she was older too
Everything that Ralph owned
This naughty goat would chew
She munched on the furniture
Curtains, rugs and more
The house got even colder
She ate half of the front door
Ralph began to worry
Now thought his mate a pest
He felt so tired and weary
He let Gertie eat the rest
He put a lead on Gertrude
Pulled on his old grey coat
Took a last look around the isle
And got into his old boat
He had thought a lot of late
Of things, he must do
He had no other choice
But drift to pastures new
Grandma Gertie knocked back more than a few
When, of a sudden, she heard herself 'moo' --
I can hold my liquor!
She burped, and then snickered --
She 'neighed' ~ Off to the factory for glue
~ Grandma Gertie Keeps Her Word ~
Grandma Gertie would always keep her word
'Twas a sign of a righteous soul, she'd heard --
Tasty turkey she'd promised
Did her best to be honest --
Oven went out ~ She flipped Grandpa the bird
~ The Right Stuff-ing ~
'The stuffing's got to be from the right stuff'
Said Gertie, then she walked off in a huff
The kids made it all wrong
Way too spicy, too strong
So they smoked it ~ giving Gert the first puff
Gabby Gertie garbles news.
Lusty Lester likes his booze.
Twixt the two, tall tales are told.
Seven salacious stories sold.
Tearful Tillie hides her face.
Loathsome lies lead to disgrace.
one of several no. 1s
qwerty gertie right hand gal
awkward and wayward old mail-order pal
with her long faded ribbons and carriage sublime
forever and always my partner in rhyme
flighty and flirty she may be indeed
or deliciously dirty whenever the need
in missive or memo,from poem to song
subject to subject we muddle along
conjuring images and setting them free
for unlocking my heart only she holds the key
without her sweet touch in a fine mess i'd be
forever and always-qwerty gertie and me.
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