Fire Ants for Sale
By Elton Camp
On fire ants I’m running a special deal
And at this price, they sure are a steal
And you won’t even have much to try
So that your stock will greatly multiply
With mounds of fire ants well on guard,
It’s easier to keep kids out of your yard
If, at night, a burglar attempts to lurk,
They may swam and drive away the jerk
I’m willing to guarantee that the ants live
If not, replacements I’ll be happy to give
Although any refund I just cannot grant
I make my living selling this type of ant
Although to order soon, you had better try
Of these fine ants there’s a limited supply
I’ll remove them freshly dug from my yard
And gladly accept cash or your credit card
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.
At least that's what I hear.
Teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a rowboat
fishing and drinking beer!
When advised to "fight fire with fire"
please think about it twice.
Remember, firemen fight fire with water
so I kinda question that advice!
I'm told the way to get ahead
is by using your ambition.
They say "shoulder to the wheel, nose to the grindstone".
However, now try working in that position!
Don't believe in superstition.
Folks will think you are a schmuck.
Besides if you believe in it
it's gonna bring bad luck!
I try to avoid a lot of things,
that will cause me degradation.
I can resist most anything,
that is, except temptation!
I always try my very best
not to make mistakes
In fact if wasn't for my faults,
I'd be perfect for goodness sakes!
These are some of the random thoughts
that keep running through my mind.
It's just a lot of nonsense,
but it sure helped me unwind.
(Soupers - Sorry you chose to read this
nonsense. Surely you must have
something better to do! Thanks anyway.)
I want to talk of days of old
and a story that was never told
and I will tell you this story is true
and here it is without further adue
many trips I moved green bales from the keys
on my coast guard cutter called "cherokee"
I smuggled marijuana right under their noses
In the bilge and around the hoses
many years I did it without a hitch
then in hurricane Hugo the ship started to pitch
next thing was the port engine blew
and how it happened nobody knew
a fire broke out and the sparks did fly
and with all the smoke my shipmates got high!
hard putting fire out down on our knees
couldn't see a damn thing we all looked chinese!
then when all the smoke did clear
from his cabin the captain did appear
he was very angry it was easy to see
his investigation pointed the finger at me
so this is how my career was bludgeoned
but in low places I became a legend
even though I saved lives in the perfect storm
I was just a scallywag in a coast guard uniform
By Captain Mike
ps I come from the seas of pirates and drug runners
but now I fish cause I thinks it's funner!