FINAL DECISION
Bright is the moon shining pale white
Might the time be now this dark night
Resigned in both the heart and mind
Kind thoughts remain so hard to find
Feel sympathy when pain is real
Peel away what one cannot steal
Until one needs to make a will
Still requiring a codicil
Dark,dark day
In the sky
In my mind
Leaving here all alone
Leaving my life behind
Final decision
Gone……
My reacher
Like a compass
Like a waze
Telling me the directions
The north, south, east, west
The roads, the bridges, the ways
But not the initial planning and the final decision
I remain puzzle and helpless
At the cross-roads
But at once
I found that
I carry my own legs
The initial and final decisions both are mine
The teacher only provides me with skills and knowledge
For this life
Should I stay or should I leave?
I'm tired of being treated like a disease.
No one will ever know what I go through.
The one I want has no clue.
I'm sorry, okay?
I thought you'd at least try to make me stay.
Nothing's left for me here.
My only option left is to disappear.
Frozen in the freshly cut window pane.
If quiet, I can hear the moving train.
My dreams,
once as bright as the sun shining on my skin,
Have been knocked down repeatedly like a bowling pin.
Taking one last look at this dreadful place,
I turn and leave without a trace.
A bottle of pills in one hand
a bottle of whisky in the other
silently staring through the mirror
desperately wishing I was another
secretly waiting for someone
to come through the door and stop me
but my waiting is in vain
seems everyone forgot me
but I know it was me that forgot
forgot my friends, my family, even I
too busy pretending life was ok
far too busy living out this lie
I thought that I could ride it out
I thought that time would soon forget
not forever looking over my shoulder
wondering what next I would regret
well time crept up today and caught me
the clock hands grasped me firm and sure
and all I hear now is my heart, tick tock
as I lay down on the hard cold floor
for this is my final decision
you may call me selfish I don't care
for I cannot undo the sands of time
even if I could I wouldn't dare
so as I bid you all farewell
please don't shed a single tear
please don't hate me or be confused
just know it's for the best my dear.
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