Watchin TV on my buddy's wide screen
who do I see "Hey, thats Charlie Sheen!"
they're talkin about how he got'z fired
and they're wonderin who they have hired
"Man he look's like he's on drug'z!"
"look he's pickin at imaginary bug'z!"
Captain Mike know'z dim drugs are bad
so to see him this way is very sad
any woman but my wife give'z me the bores
"Hey! old Charlie there got'z two whores!"
if he goes broke it won't be funny
"All they want is some of charlie's money!"
"It's good thing what his exwife did'z"
hate to see anything happin to the kid'z
"If I had a show I'd make funny clean."
unlike Charlie I wouldn't make a seen
if good clean comedy everyone would like
"They should make TV show of Old Capt. Mike!"
"I got'z a life time of funny stories to tell"
instead of listening to Charlie ring his own bell
"Give me a chance hollywood to make a clean coin!"
"I'll end every episode with a clean funny poem!"
by Cap-pin Mike!
(This is a fictional poem)
My life is empty just like the gas tank in this van.
Over the years life has made me a bitter man.
My van won't go anywhere without gas and my life won't go anywhere either.
I caught my girlfriend in bed with another man so I decided to leave her.
Five years ago I was married and things looked pretty dim.
My exwife fell for another man and ran off with him.
My girlfriend and my exwife were both seduced by other men.
It tore my heart out and I'll never fall in love again.
Now I live in this van because I have nowhere else to go.
My girlfriend begged me to forgive her but I said no.
My life is going nowhere but at least there's noone to cheat on me.
I have to live in my van but at least I'm free.
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